Shall I tell this woman that the man she is seeing has been seeing me since December?

[OJLemonade]

Just realised I've been cheated on and wondering if I should tell her (via Facebook) that I exist, for her own sake but mostly if I'm honest as revenge (I've seen on her fb that she has been loved up since July - the man and I were on holidays for two weeks in August...)

I'm shell shocked... And v tempted... Would you?

I would tell her, she has a right to know that she needs an STI test.

poor you, poor her! :( what a wanker your (hopefully) ex is.

how are you feeling today? did you send the message?

If you are not her friend on facebook then your message will just go to her 'other' folder along with messages from Nigerians that are looking for funding for their bible study group etc. and she will probably never see it.

ive had messages from random people go into my normal folder

LOL at the Nigerian link ... they are usually African LOL

Thanks for all the replies

I had considered telling her, then did start to worry about possible revenge from him...

Then I suddenly remembered the twist which is that I have always know that she is married (unhappily, allegedly). Which means she might have known about me, and lied to me in reply... And, obviously, that in any case she won't mind he cheats... (Which is making my question irrelevant...)

His answer to my texts was a long email denying the things on fb (which have since stopped) were about him, (indeed he wasn't named - it made sense it should be him, timewise, etc, even down to a break when he was on hols with me.....) and telling me we need to talk about where we are going (which, so far, he had not wanted to do...) ( which he said we should do when he comes to visit on Wednesday, and he said he is looking forward to, hinting to positive things).

I was v happy seeing his email yesterday but im beginning to be doubtful again and feel like saying goodbye and not even wait until Wednesday; I now feel I can't trust him, but can't put my finger on it. He has lied before... He has a diagnosed communication problem... (=he's not the master in his own house unfortunately, and I don't think I can expect emotional literacy from him...) And can be quite arrogant... But then I was always 'undemonstrative' as he says, and withheld a lot (fear of getting hurt too.) until v recently...

Not sure anyone will have anything to say to that; maybe if anyone could could help me ask myself the right questions?

So, am I right in thinking that although you suspect he is the man in question, you are no longer sure?

Ignoring all of that, how is the relationship otherwise?

To be honest, I don't believe that relationships should be this complicated this early on. You should be in no doubt of his fidelity.

I'm confused now OP. If you can see on fb that she is seeing someone other than he husband, surely he (her husband) can see it too?

I'm a little confused as before you seemed really sure it was him....

Pre empting possible lying scenarios of possible ow and the mistrust doesn't really look promising to be honest.

Then I suddenly remembered the twist which is that I have always know that she is married (unhappily, allegedly).

Sounds a bit unlikely to me that you would "suddenly remember" this information.

And as observed above, why would she have this stuff openly on FB if she's married.

s your OP a true account or is this some kind of reverse thread? Are you are actually the OW and seeking advice about whether to tell the other woman from the other perspective?

I thought same .... Really odd

Maybe phrase it in a way that describes his character as one who prefers polygamy a harem rather than monogamy.
This might keep the information in an objective field rather than an emotional one.

Bullshit.

x-post
Missed the whole second page there, haven't done that in a while!

It seems just too tangled at this point. Leave her alone. And, tbh, he doesn't really sound like long term relationship material...It may be better for you to leave him alone too.

Why would someone who is married be posting on their fb about the boyfriend who is their soulmate? Makes no sense.

Also,how do you know it's him and why were you looking?

I'm calling reversey too!

i wouldn't think she would be posting on her Facebook about her boyfriend, for all her friends and family to see, if she is married?

OP are you going to come back and explain, or are we going to have to report this thread as suspicious?

he's not the master in his own house unfortunately

What?

Are you suddenly about to remember he is married, too?

Lmao Balia probably!

I don't understand at all. What led you to her Facebook page?

Drivel.

Huh?

So it is possible that he could be revengeful, he sounds worthy of your consideration. And to top it off he lies, cheats, is arrogant with an ability to soft soap with promises and arrogantly weedle his way out of things, despite having a recognised communication problem!! wow.

This is a strange thread, isn't it ?