In laws!

[Dynasty1989]

So this is just a rant really, my son is under a month old an they have been living with us 1 week and 2 days! I always wanted time to recover before they turned up a minimum of six weeks but didn't stand my ground enough and got bullied into submission and oh how, i regret it, they are visiting from abroad for 3.5 months and they are a nightmare, they stayed us when we got married and it was hell, it was every day something, we were renting then and I got up every day to something broken, something blocked, holes drilled in walls, old furniture dragged in off the street, wood dragged into the garden with rusty nails then hammered into it an left to rot, raw meat splattered all over the inside of the fridge, the gas left on, wine spilled on the carpets ....... The list is endless but it was something everyday no exaggerating at the end I would get up find what the surprise was for the day and cry , it took around three months after they left to get the house up to a standard where I could get my deposit back, and it was me who had to do it all, the garden was my biggest annoyance as my father in law promised he would return it up to the same condition as he arrived but was full of rubble and trays of dirt, all the grass had died, the cute little green house my husband had bought me was smashed up, when he happily hopped into the car back to the airport, it looked as though he had started to tidy the mess then realised what work it was so left it! And now they're back, they wanted to come when I was pregnant but I said no, six weeks ideally three months alot of arguing with my husband and the flights were booked for five weeks after my due date, my beautiful son was born two weeks late meaning they arrived three weeks after he was born. I told my husband you know how much hard work they are, how can I deal with them and a newborn?you've got your own business now and I'll be left running around after them and a newborn on top, he would snap back he needed them, in his country the grandparents look after the children so the parents can get a good nights rest, he said they would cook all his meals for him and he knows they behaved badly last time but this time will be different as they will have a grandchild to care for so they will be preoccupied not bored and behave! Well they turn up and straightaway I see his mum attempting to hold our son with his head left unsupported, turns out husband's grandparents and aunt looked after him when he was a baby and they have no clue and won't be helping with our son at all, they are much worse behaved than last time and my husband says it is like having two toddlers to care for, they haven't cooked him a meal, he has to cook their meals they are constantly asking him to do this and that for them, drive them here, get them this. . . It's a nightmare. They spent three hours in the bathroom the other day, which I think is very inconsiderate especially considering I have just given birth less than a month ago! Later on that night I run myself a bath while I use the toilet and hop into it , I'm supposed to have two baths a day as it took them 30mins to stitch me up after the birth, I'm in it less than a minuet before my father in law is shouting through the door and I have to leave my bath because MIL needs the toilet, she then claims because she had to wait literally one minuet as i got out of there she has a UTI and sits on the toile for 90mins! Which she does all the time now! Imagine if they had been here while I was 42 weeks pregnant! My husband now just constantly sighs and mutters and complains they are running him ragged, he doesn't want to deal with them on his day off as he needs a day to relax and tries stay out of the house as long as possible as they always want something, I'm the one at home with them the most! How will I cope?

I wish I knew what was wrong with them!

Seriously, can you go to your sister's house any sooner. Or perhaps a friend's house or another family member, if your sister isn't a possibility until next week? Or could you find the money to afford a hotel for a few days? Your DH insisted they come to stay, against your wishes. He needs to deal with the consequences.

I cannot believe how breathtakingly rude they are.

You said there was money in the safe. Take it and go. You'll never get these precious weeks back again. You'll absolutely kick yourself in the future if you dither around watching this car crash.

Let your husband deal with the dopey duo.

Another thing, I wouldn't be rushing out to work nights in a factory leaving my newborn at home. Sounds like husband makes plenty enough cash to support you. Don't waste previous time with your baby killing yourself for pennies.

precious, not previous!

They're being very passive-aggressively incompetent. Of course they can hoover sensibly, but they're pissed off that they have to, so they break the hoover but in an underhand way that looks like an accident. It's so they won't be asked to do anything, and it works.

Next week can't come soon enough, and it would be better if you could go earlier. The sooner your dh gets his head round what they are actually doing the better.

It wouldn't surprise me though, if once you are gone they start doing things properly and actually being helpful. I think this all stems from resentment of you, I'm afraid. Can your dh see that if that happens it makes their current behaviour even worse as it would be deliberate?

Husband has banned them from the living room, so they are confined to their bedroom and dining room, money really isn't the issue here and whether they are playing dumb in regards to household jobs or not I really don't care, if they are pretending they aren't capable then that is good because it will never come back to me "they did the vacuuming everyday, they were a great help". The dyson incident really did make him angry because he is very good at looking at engines etc when my overlocker or coverstich machine ever needed any maintenance he could take apart the whole thing and work out what was wrong so he pulled apart the dyson and knew that his precious father had used the dyson with something stuck in it so long that it had worn away the belt, there was no arguing "oh I must have accidently hoovered up a pen and the vacuum was broken instantly" the evidence was there!

Go now, seriously. And don't go back. Your husband sounds as awful as his parents.

Honestly, I don't know why his parents even want to be there now. Their son is yelling at them and has now banned them from areas of the house, like you would a naughty dog. I'm not saying it isn't justified or whatever, but if I were them, I'd be begging my son to just please send me home!! And I don't understand why your DH isn't packing them up and sending them home, either! What is up with that?

I think you need to think long and hard once you get to your sister's. You'll be away from the madness and more able to relax and think clearly. Is this really what you want for your life?

He to his mother to stay out of the living room because that was where the simpleton was coming in and laughing when baba was crying. No they want to stay for some reason, they want to spend time with baba even though they can't even be trusted to hold him!

Oh, I see. Personally, I still wouldn't want to stay if my son was treating me that way, rightly or wrongly! But I guess I can understand putting up with a lot to be near a grandchild.

I second a pp who said to take some of the cash and just leave now. You will never, ever get these days back. You won't regret it. I guarantee it.

Another thing that kept happening and I mean three to four times a day was them letting the dog in the living room despite being told everytime not to as baba could get knocked out of his Moses basket or the dog coud jump on him etc, it was just dangerous!

The very last arguement of "they help by washing up" meaning they cleaned the odd baby bottle went out the window today after MIL switched the microwave to 'grill' and almost started a fire, completly melted babas bottle steriliser, melted most of his bottles and ruined a completely good microwave! Oops! Imagine if I was skint having to replace that lot! Good £200 down the drain!

Fucking hell, they sound downright dangerous, never mind simply incompetent

Any progress wih getting them to leave earlier than planned?

What has DH said about today's incident?

Leave, leave, leave!!!!

Husband said he knew it was his mum who denies all knowledge, he came downstairs to the smell of burning and precious MIL making breakfast for herself and FIL he ran round franticly checking all the plug sockets but after not being able to find the source decided to make baba a bottle and found the mess! All the arguments for them being here are out of the window, they are costing hundreds of pounds a week and worse our time, instead of having a relaxing morning together we are driving round finding a microwave we think they won't break, replacing bottles and buying iPads to try to keep them entertained. Today his dad has dragged absolutely everything out of the shed including an electronic lawnmower and left it in the garden while its raining! I don't know what goes through their simple minds!
MIL used to love being bossy down the webcam too, "you are doing this wrong, you are doing that wrong, "my mum has experience look, she knows the right way" was always husbands response, I love how that has all stopped now she's here, there's no criticism now there is the risk of us handing baba over and saying 'show us' or 'you do it then'. No no none of that now! She likes keeping a safe distance when he is being fed or changed or burped, a good two meter minimum.

I was never sensistive to his mums criticism, i knew i was doing what had the best outcome, eg the way i held him he needed burping less. It is funny when he needs changing now though "oh you need changing" I'll coo at him go to get his changing matt only to turn round to see MIL has retreated all the way out of the room and has the door open just wide enough to look though hoping to go unoticed until the whole thing is over as though he's a bomb that I'm deactivating, I feel like calling her over "come over neinei show us how it's done, you were so vocal on the webcam last week, don't hide in the shadows now you are here, you have come over to care for him after all and show me a thing or two, don't be shy", I think if i did she would just walk away and pretend she was never there!

Leave, leave, leave! I don't understand why you are staying, unless you secretly enjoy seeing them (including your DH) get their comeuppance. Not that I would blame you, really.

But I'd also feel that the frustration and upset isn't worth the satisfaction. And I'd leave, knowing that my point had already been well made!

I do in a very small way like watching how awful they are because i warned him so many times but I hate it even more, i would like to go back to work at my husbands business just 10 hours a week because there are so many customers I do miss, people who came in every week and you could really have a laugh with and chat to if in laws were any good, we could sack the awful woman and save a huge chunk of cash there and baba would be cared for by family, instead its the opposite we are pouring money away. Fixing stuff they've broken and keepin them entertained.

I stay because I do love my husband and over the course of two weeks its gone from him constantly sticking for his parents to him telling them off whenever I make the slightest complaint about them or when they do something wrong , if this was their first visit I would be screwed because I spent the whole time letting them do what they wanted and trying to ignore their behavious as much as I could then clearing up their mess, I'm not doing that on this visit and this is their last. I think this time when they first arrived husband spent so much money buying them stuff, setting up their room, making sure they could get chinese tv channels etc in the hope that this time they would behave and it's become glaringly obvious to him that no amount of equiptment will keep them from annoying us and behaving badly! He gave them two weeks to settle in and they are still playing up everyday!

We do have such a beautiful baba and we are so good together the rest of the time, it would be a crying same to let go what we have for the sake of 2.5 months left with them. We sit together at night and he will say "we have to stick together through this, me you and baba then they're gone and we can go back to normal", its a far cry of three weeks ago when he was banging on how good they would be and how he wanted them to extend their visa and stay longer because of their invaluable help!

Two and a half months left of this bullshit and stress. Not even your PIL can be enjoying this, perverse and deliberately destructive as they sound. Could this be a way of getting themselves thrown out, in order to save face (because they don't want to "give up"). They might claim their DIL threw them out, but, honestly, that wouldn't hurt your reputation.

Get DH to send them home, before this destroys their relation with all three of you, forever.

Nope. DH needs to either send them home, or you go to your sister's until they are gone. It's just not worth the headaches. You may not realize it now, but those first few months with your first baby are supposed to be really magical and yours are rapidly becoming shit. You deserve better than this.

I don't understand why your husband is putting up with them destroying his home and upsetting his wife and child.

Wouldn't it be cheaper to put them up in a hotel, buy them tickets for sightseeing various things every day, and to pay for a child minder for 10 hrs a week so you can do those hours at work? You'd save on awful woman's wages as well as on Destruction by In Law. They could spend the day out and about, wearing themselves out, have supper with you or in swish hotel restaurant, and maybe spend the days with you all at weekends.

You would also have much reduced stress levels, better functioning home, better family relationships (including with in laws), and generally a much healthier and happier time.

Two and a half more months? That is crazy. You have been offered solutions.
Leave. Send them to hotel. Or how about this? Send them home!

I'm not sure sending them to a hotel is good though because think of how much damage they could do and you would have to pay for it.

I understand wanting to take the baby and spend time at a hotel on your own...but I'd do that as a last resort. Imagine the mess you will return to.

Tell them to get out, and your DH had better man up and support you - better yet, he should tell them to get out himself. This is a ridiculous situation, they should not be there. And if there is a next time, don't allow them to come, or make it clear they must stay in a hotel.

We can't turf them out, we really can't as chinese we just can't. The thing is too they really think they're helping "look I've helped hang up all your pictures in that bag" yes that bag was heading for the charity shop because I hate those, "look I've helped tidy up ......." Yeah can you leave my personal things alone I've got them how I like them I don't want you rearranging them!

'Can't' is not correct. You can, as in you have the ability to, but you choose not to because of cultural traditions. I understand cultural traditions, but I also understand that there are times where traditions have to go out the window. In my mind, this is one of those times.

What would happen if you did? They wouldn't speak to you again? Your DH would lose face or get heat from the rest of his family? They're rich and you'd lose out on a big inheritance? I'm not trying to be snarky. Just pointing out that 'just because they're Chinese' isn't a good enough reason not to have peace restored to your home and life. So if that is what your husband is telling you, I'd call him out on it.