DP leaving and "Taking the children"

[rosdearg]

Just need to start this thread to get this out because I am cold and crying and shaking.

He said on the landing "I looked at a flat last week and I am taking the children". He pushed me out of the door of the bedroom, onto the landing, and said that where they could hear me and started crying.

They cried and said "I don't want to go with Daddy"
I had to try to comfort them but I can't say we are staying together.

I don't know what to do. Drinking a cup of tea and shaking.

I need:
A solicitor
A hug

Rosdearg hugs

I got this from exH -- and now I am shot of him and he sees the children every second weekend. The threats to take the children, the insinuations that I was an unfit mother are familiar. I felt my insides liquify at those words.

You do need a solicitor. You do not have to make a huge leap into the unknown, but you know what this man is capable of and you seem to know this relationship has no future, so please start working on moving on, with your children. You need to reach out to agencies that will help, and that involves much shelving of pride and acceptance of finality.

You also need to stop taking responsibility for what he is doing to you and the children and get the police involved by calling 101. The children are already traumatised and that was not your doing.

I know that involving the police seems the most drastic, the most massive step to take, and will make it all 'public' and undeniable, and it is extremely humiliating to basically admit you cannot control things any more and your H has abused you and his own children so much. But please, please log what he has done. Please do what Mummytime and others say.

As far as a job goes, you may have options for childcare that do not involve your horrible P. It may well be tough to get them sorted, but at least you are starting from the point of having a job in the first place.

Are you in the UK? Have you ever called Women's Aid?

Have you ever read 'Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men' by Lundy Bancroft.

(((hugs)))) not hugs

thanks mathanxiety. I am a name changer but I have agreed with you x a billion before on other threads and I know your wisdom.

I have done all that stuff I did it on Friday and it was gruelling and draining. I was not told "get out now" but I was given a ton of support and numbers to call and so on and it's all.... out there. Which was really hard at the time and I have never been more tired or had a worse headache in my life. But it's better out there than in here, now

It is an exhausting process to go through, probably the hardest thing you will ever do. But it is worth it, believe me. As you get through each step and the dust settles, you will start to feel a bit stronger. For me, the response of 'people on the outside' made a huge difference to my level of confidence. It really is 'better out there than in here' though it is really hard to get the words out and figure out where to take it from the point you are at. You get so used to being strapped firmly into the rollercoaster it is hard to envision a day when you can just step off it and walk on firm ground.

ToBe - it wasn't 10y ago but no worries. You misunderstood what I was saying but it really doesn't matter.

I have been thinking about that statement for a few days (leaving and taking the children) and what it signifies is someone who is completely incapable of ever having a concept of what a real relationship is. It is like sticking a knife in the heart of someone you claim to love, or once claimed to love and it shows he actually has no idea what love is, and no idea how to love.

It's just a word he used to get what he wanted at the time he wanted it.

I should have kicked exH out the day he said that to me. He didn't improve. He showed his true colours.