DP leaving and "Taking the children"

[rosdearg]

Just need to start this thread to get this out because I am cold and crying and shaking.

He said on the landing "I looked at a flat last week and I am taking the children". He pushed me out of the door of the bedroom, onto the landing, and said that where they could hear me and started crying.

They cried and said "I don't want to go with Daddy"
I had to try to comfort them but I can't say we are staying together.

I don't know what to do. Drinking a cup of tea and shaking.

I need:
A solicitor
A hug

Thank you everyone I really appreciate the company on this thread, so much.
I am feeling pretty wiped out today, shivered all night and didn't sleep much. I took a day off, I had some leave arranged for later in the month and just told my boss I needed to move a day to today.

I keep lurching in a sickening oscillation between basic broken heartedness about Love, and horrible dithering thoughts about how to manage children, money, house, job,

Basically the job was only possible because P did a lot of childcare. And I don't want him to do more childcare than me but if I am a single parent I need a job. i just keep going round in these sickening circles

I don't know what to do. I feel like going to bed and crying

Sending love and strength your way this morning, ros.

OP. He is threatening to take the children. Whether he is blowing smoke out of his arse or not you need to protect them. Get it on file that he pushed you and made threats. Call woman's aid. Call 101. That is your very first priority and the best way to safeguard your children.

The job, take some leave. Don't worry about it just now. If you do become a single parent you won't be left penniless. There are benefits to help and then find a job that fits with the kids. It's all very doable. I've been a lone parent to four young children for three years and work part time. Been full time too. All these worries in your head, they can and will all be sorted.

Deep breaths. Shower and something to eat. Make some phone calls.

Honestly, if I was you, I'd be telling him to go now if that's what he is doing. Call his bluff. But make sure you are safe and if there is any chance he will get violent with you, don't do it.

As for the police they won't be any more terrifying to your children than them seeing you being pushed and shouted at.

You can do this.

Go to see your GP (emergency appointment)!
You may be able to afford the childcare if you are no longer with him - you may well be entitled to benefits/tax credits as well as child support from him. CAB may be able to advise.

Eat and drink, stay warm.

Hi Ros, I am with the others in saying get to the police and make a report. In matters like this, it is important to get his threats and physical shoving of you legally documented, as this will set the tone of a divorce, should things not work out. Having hung around the relationships board for some time now, the women who have made police reports, and especially those who have established their male partners as a threat by documenting it with the police, well they tend to have an easier time with the whole divorce process. Don't feel that you have to somehow 'protect' him from his horrid actions - anyone who does what he has done to you deserves every ounce of the consequences that are should fall on him.

Strength and courage to you Ros, I know this is hard, but you are going to have to gird your loins and plow through this as best you can

Hi,
thank you for all the nice messages.
getting to the end of today now and hoping that other days will not be so bad.
might not be realistic.... but it is how I have decided to see things

Sorry to hear today was a bad day and joining you in hoping for better ones

Sorry haven't read all the posts but all I would advise is that you inform the police what he has threatened! My very dear friend is currently going though courts having her ex take the kids away and is fighting for sole custody. She is not getting legal aid and unable to pay for a solicitor. If she would of reported everything he has done (verbal and physical abuse) she would get legal aid. Not that that will effect her chances of getting sole custody because he has already come across as a complete psychopath.. But it would save a hell of a lot of stress!

Are you living with this man fulltime as on your other thread it says it's only a weekend thing. Am confused?

I'm confused too, OP. Is your other thread about your 'D'P or someone else?

Sorry to be confusing. The other (pointless) thread is me, 10 years ago.

So 10y ago a man messed around downloading stuff on your PC? And what, 10y on you're still with this man who doesn't respect boundaries? Is he moving out now?

I like the tone of you in this other thread where you say But children or not I would never get into some domestic situation with a man ever again. I wouldn't inflict a strange man on my dcs or any man on myself.

I am still totally confused about your situation but I wish you luck in everything, including the novel comp.

Ros, you sound like you've decided to give up and see what happens at a later date now. If something else does happen at a later date, you are going to sorely regret not logging the pushing and threatening incident with someone official. Please don't bury your head in the sand, you're only making it harder for your future self.

hi. don't want to say too much and will be name changing soon. just wanted to say don't worry, I am not posting everything I am doing! - and of course I have been making a million phone calls! and all that results from them. so don't worry, all agencies alerted and all the right stuff happeniong

tipsy, all that is happening with that thread is that I got too maudlin wondering WHICH! EXACTLY! WERE! THE! MISTAKES! I! MADE! (instead of being like, er, all of them) and decided to pretend Mumsnet had been in my life 10 years ago (just like I sometimes pretend I had been able to watch Buffy The Vampire Slayer as a teenager, when I really needed her)

Good luck, ros

I hope your road ahead is a happy one.

Where you are currently living,who's name is it in? If it's both your names I'm sure you have the right to kick him out.i agree with the other ladies about contacting women's aid.if your trying to seek help while the children are at school try citizens advice.i hope it gets sorted,good luck thinking of you

Ros do name change and post again. You are going to need lots and lots of support to get through this, both in real life and online. The more support you have, the easier this is going to be - and its going to be very, very, very rough. Glad that things are moving in the right direction though.

Strength and courage to you Ros, a relationship breakdown is always shitty

tipsy wow tipsy I would hate to think every single sentence written on here 10 years ago comes back and bites us for making mistakes. We all do it, it's called life

Hi - I saw your other thread so thought I would pop onto this one. I do need to go to bed but would like to read through and hopefully help tomorrow. Hope you're okay.

Hi thanks everyone.
haven't got around to name changing yet... have been having real life. In a good way, a nice day out with my girls.
Everything is still up in the air but I feel better for seeing my mum and my sister.
Back to all this shit as of tomorrow.
Ugh.

I don't really know what I'm talking about in situations like this but I should think Women's Aid (on Buffy's number above) would be a really supportive and helpful phone call to make first thing after dropping the kids off tomorrow. They will know exactly what steps you should take.
I feel for you. All the very best