Four threads to freedom! Divorcing Twatchops once and for all

[thenamehaschanged]

Still can't copy and paste links but my last thread was New name, new game, less stress, more progress!

This really, really is the last one now - I hope that my story has helped anybody breaking free from abuse - it's bloody hard but you can do it!

Lurker says please do not post a link to the website. They will trace back that click throughs came from MN.

Stay strong Name

Perhaps you should recommend "Why Does He Do That?" to the counsellor.

OMG, good point Enrique!

Surely nothing wrong with hinting at the search terms you'd need to find it, though....... remember that energy advert about Grittish Bass?

Name, it sounds ridiculous. it would be nice if we could name and shame here, but as enrique says, don't. I wonder if MN would make a new Topic for naming and shaming, though; it would be pretty good...

Hi Name. You are actually doing brilliantly!

I would answer on that crummy form something like.....'Can't be arsed to state where the 'violence' starts or when the 'violence' starts but I am more than happy to state when it finishes. When my divorce from the biggest pointlessest bastard in the universe your esteemed client comes through. Good luck with trying to get me to do your job as a counsellor but it's not going to happen while I have a hole in my arse!' Sorry to swear but, like others on here, I can see that it is just him extending a tentacle but using someone else to do it on his behalf. We all know he is a lazy fecker so this is his MO to a T. There is not a counsellor breathing that could get this man to look in the mirror and actually see what a piece of scum he really is. How dare he continue to mess with you Name I feel all grrrrr on your behalf this evening!

Also agree with a PP upthread that said he might try and use what you put on the form against you. Slippery Teflon turd that he is!

Just step away from the form... Seriously don't get embroiled

Greetings Name!

Can I ditto praise for Fontella's post - bloody marvellous - I'm going to print it out and put it in a gold frame.

Like AcrossthePond I am sure we could construct our own handy questionnaire. More Sample Questions here please...

Here are some to be getting on with:

1. When did you first notice the man you married and the father of your children had turned into a complete cunt?

1. Can you rate this statement: 'I am good at lists' Strongly agree/Mildly agree/ Not really -can take or leave lists as it happens/ Strongly Disagree - lists are for abusive tosspots.

1. If you wake up to find that your partner is staring at you manically, with his face right in your face, do you: a) kiss him delightedly? b) Ring Women's Aid? c) ask for a cup of tea? d) Bite the fucker.

1. At what time of day was he most likely to apologise for his behaviour? Morning?/Afternoon/Evening/Never fuckiing apologised. Ever.

Regarding questions - isn't is just when you're onto them, when they know you've got a point about some element of their behaviour that you've pulled them up on, isn't it just then that they turn it back at you with questions - When was the last time I said that to one of your friends?
Who was it that said xyz?
How many times have I ever done xyz?

That's exactly how they confound you, stop you in your tracks and turn it back on you. This questionnaire will have the same effect.

I just love PoppyField's questionnaire.

Willkommen is right. Eventually, in our conversations, not only did STBXH endlessly question me, but he also answered any of my questions with another question. It was like listening to a particularly slippery mp being interviewed and about as useful.
Bin the fecking questionnaire and get on with your one and only life.

name
I have been following from the sidelines from the beginning and wish you all the luck and success in the world. I am a counsellor and have been working for 20 years now. I don't know any counsellor who would request a spouse or relative to fill in a confidential questionnaire and really can't see why on earth it would be helpful to the work. Please don't fill it in and please don't engage with it at all.

Congratulations on the new job
Please throw the questionnaire away, I wouldn't even engage with the counsellor to say you are not participating. Isn't all communication meant to go through your solicitor anyway?!
Also no long discussions with BIL over the chirpy content of exs e-mails. Go back to communicating via BIL dealing with practical issues only.

It's clear from expecting you to particiapte in counselling issues and his chirpy 'babe' emails he still thinks you are going to reconcile.
Don't be drawn in.

The whole shut him down thing is why I said give him fixed contact and if he can't make it his tough luck.

In fact if he's more than 15 minutes late just take the girls out. That way he doesn't even have to let you know it's cancelled. You could possibly accept that BIL can contact you to tell him he can't make it if that would suit you better.

Even this contact via BIL is him worming his way into your life, you have to discuss, think and engage about him. Just stop it, let him take you to court to get the contact he wants - guess what they've give him, yep fixed contact!!!!

Aw thank you EVERYBODY
Brill Poppy, thanks

Urgh honestly I have never seen anything like it! But you're all right, I'm not going to engage - the website actually sounds very bitter towards Women's Aid, i.e they get ENOUGH funding these days, where as abuser's don't get much in the way of funding to help them!! Haha - well for a start WA do NOT have enough funding at all, refuge places are woefully thin on the ground in comparison to the utterly shocking DV statistics out there.

Just saw him there as I dropped the kids to him - he was snivelling a bit so I completely ignored that and just drove off as quickly as could after the girls were safely out of the car.

It's not love, it's not realising what he lost, it's not regret or shame at his behaviour, it's none of that - it's just fishing for the catch of the day, reeling it in and battering it about the head before sticking it in a frying pan.

It's a fish based analogy I realise that, but it's how I feel haha

Website sounds, um, interesting! So battered women's groups have enough money, do they? I wonder if he found this 'counselor' through one of those 'Men's Rights' organizations or something. I'll agree that abusers need help and I'm glad if an abuser sincerely wants to change. But I find it concerning that this website seems to need to make any kind of statement, let alone a negative one, about an organization formed to help women. You would think it would want to work hand in hand with WA!

Fish analogies are fine. Just remember that great one about there being plenty of them in the sea!

Lol thank's Pond

he was snivelling a bit so I completely ignored that and just drove off as quickly as could after the girls were safely out of the car

Attagirl!

Haha thanks Font!

Snivelling, I'm sure it was just acting to try and reel you in as you said!!!!

Yes, interesting sounding site/organisation. Rubbish sounding counsellor, unless they're just someone he's found in a pub of course Just as likely, really.

So how was your day? How're the girls?

Thanks Jux, I was alright today really - went and bought myself some random beauty products, had a lovely bath, tidied up a bit - a pretty decent Sunday really! The girls are totally fine tonight thankfully - no fights just yet though I'm now about to start bedtime so we shall see!

Hi Name

Just de-lurking to share a very useful phrase when trying to detach from someone like this ....

Not my circus, not my monkeys'

I love this phrase and used to use it a lot. It reminded me that the whole performance (for that's what it is) had nothing to do with me

KOKO - you are doing so well xx

Love it Louiseaaa haha! That's brilliant thank you