Prostitution and adultery

[TwentyBore]

Ethical question:

I have a question on the matters of prostitution and adultery which is interesting me and perturbing me at the same time.

Why is it that various aspects of prostitution are criminalised whereas no aspects of adultery are illegal? This disconnect makes no sense to me at all and strikes me as very unfair to women, especially to working girls.

Here is the logic:

• Adultery involves (inter alia) breaking promises, lying, cheating, wrecked families and utter misery.

• Prostitution involves the exchange of agreed services for cash between consenting adults and there is therefore a degree of honesty about it completely lacking in adultery (provided there is no coercion or trafficking involved of course).

Were I a newcomer to this world, I should conclude that adultery should be punished far more harshly than any form of prostitution.

The criminalisation of aspects of prostitution seem to place the working girls involved in a far worse position socially than any adulterer, but do working girls really do as much damage as adulterers? I conclude that they do not and for any working girl to get a criminal record for their profession strikes me as manifestly unfair to them.

In short, I regard it absurd to punish any form of prostitution without first punishing all forms of adultery.

I would be very interested in a polite and respectful debate.

Except people do choose a career in prostitution, and some do enjoy it.

And the argument "if they enjoyed it they would do it for minimum wage" or "they are unwilling because they wouldn't be doing it if not paid" applied to pretty much every job and service!

I sold a car last week. I wouldn't have let them have it if they hadn't given me money, therefore I must have been unwilling to sell it.
Er, no.

MrNoseyBonk please can you put me in touch with all these women that "choose" a career in prostitution and enjoy it because I have never met one.

Also, the verb "to sell" implies exchange of money for goods or services. Without money the verb would be "to give". HTH

You only had to watch that programme about grannies selling their bodies to see women who enjoyed it.

Not my granny, you understand!

You want me to put you in touch with them?

A few years ago a friend of mine was starting out as a website builder. His first real client was a fairly well to do woman, about 45 years old who was working from her home.
She knew exactly what she was doing, did it willingly and enjoyed it. He built a website for her and by recommendation a number of similar women.

I'm not claiming this is the majority, far from it. Just counteracting those "nobody chooses it, nobody enjoys it" claims.

MrNoseyBonk - so, your friend met a happy hooker a few years ago, who was still working as a prostitute. You didn't meet her yourself? Not many people share how they really feel about themselves and their jobs with people who are eg building websites for them. There is also a chance that was overstating how happy she was in her career if she saw him as a potential client. It's after women exit prostitution that the full psychological and emotional impact is felt. Before that point, they use coping strategies to get by.

Nosey, in your opinion why do so few men choose to be prostitutes, and why do so few women pay for sex?

If DP cheated on me I would much rather it was with an enthusiastic and willing partner than someone who he could persuade to suck him off for £20 however untrafficked and happy she was about her personal circs.

I am slightly appalled that I should feel sympathy for my poor DS for being tempted by a gorgeous happy hooker until he could no longer contain himself. I've spent a lot of time and effort education my sons that women are people the way that men are people, and as such, men do not have any entitlement over their time or bodies. If they came whining to me that they had been 'tempted' into having sex with women who only agreed to do it out of, at best, financial necessity, then I would hand their arses to them.

What if DS's are 'tempted' by a tempting yet not prostituted women? Is it OK to rape them as my poor boys are so overcome with temptation?

I can't imagine anything less sexy than having sex with someone who you know doesn't want to have sex with you.

I can't imagine anything less sexy than having sex with someone who you know doesn't want to have sex with you.

I'm sure that's not the case in all sexual encounters involving a financial transaction.

It's not. My brother's ex worked as a rub and tug girl for a bit in Sydney in the 90s. She said she used to get turned on much more than she expected.

I did judge her for it btw and couldn't quite believe that my brother used to drive her to work.

In short, I regard it absurd to punish any form of prostitution without first punishing all forms of adultery.

Ok, so you are completely ignoring human trafficking then?

Adultery involves (inter alia) breaking promises, lying, cheating, wrecked families and utter misery.
As does many other unpleasant activities, gambling, hiding debts, pretending you love you find your patner attractive, staying with them for their money etc...

Where do you cut the line on what should be illegal? Whatever it is, it couldn't be on the basis of the above or half the population would be in jail!

I can't imagine anything less sexy than having sex with someone who you know doesn't want to have sex with you.

I'm sure that's not the case in all sexual encounters involving a financial transaction.

I'm pretty sure I didn't say it was but the idea that the world is full of prostituted women who would merrily fuck anyone, maybe 20 men a day, in the manner of their choosing without being paid and only require money out of....I don't know....wooly-headedness or bloody-mindedness or as some kind of adorable quirk and not because they are prostituted or have drug addiction or are trafficked or have hit absolute rock bottom is a trifle naive.

Nosey, in your opinion why do so few men choose to be prostitutes, and why do so few women pay for sex?

An interesting one and I'm not sure I have the answer.
Maybe men disconnect and see it as purely physical in a way women can't?
(In general, because some women probably can and some men probably can't).
I have known plenty of men who have thought about selling sex but it never gets very far because there isn't much market for it.

Add message | Report | Message poster Twentythree9teen Tue 11-Nov-14 02:14:21
> Ditto, nobody in school decides they'd like to be a prostitute as a career. It's something that's a last resort.

This is a very emotive point, but the same is true of accounting.

Nosey do think a woman, on her own, paying a strange man for sex would feel safe?
Also I'm interested to know that given you think maybe men can see sex as physical and women can't, is there something about women who are prostitutes that makes them different, and able to see sex as purely physical?

Maybe not safe cailindana, no.
Yes, the ones who choose to, and enjoy it are undoubtedly different to those who are repulsed by the idea

Why wouldn't a woman paying a man for sex feel safe?

haha at twentythree9teen demanding citations. Have you no google powers at all?

This is a zombie-ish thread. Nov 2014