DS new girlfriend

[Honeyforever]

3 weeks ago, DS girlfriend dumped him, they are both almost 17 and have been 'together' since they were 14, they had just started different colleges and I suppose drifted apart
He was upset for all of 3 days and has now announced he has a new girlfriend!
Thing is, he has known this new girl for years, we all know the family as they are part of the sports club DH and DS belong to, and I can't say I'm too pleased. I posted about her mother about 5 name changes ago (!) saying how she constantly flirts with my DH and sends him texts telling him how wonderful he is
I'm afraid I might of expressed my opinion a bit too loudly when DS told me his news and he is now sulking,
What do I do? Embrace the new girl and hope it fizzles out? I just want DS to be happy but that woman makes my teeth itch

Agree with only1

Intense feelings towards the mother of a girl who her 17yr old son is seeing.

mum and son both don't like the mother, call her a slag

Husband doesn't want to be "involved with that family" but is "too nice" to push away the "slags" text messages and apparent flirting.

Seems like everyone in the situation needs to back off and stop being so immature about it all.

Teenage lad on the rebound, nothing anyone can do about it. At least the daughter isn't a "slag" ay? Poor lass can't help who her mum is.

There wasn't really anything anyone could say except the bleeding obvious.

No - I think members of a family shoudl be able to express support or not for who other members are associated with.

What that women has done is not nice and I would advise my DC to not be involved with people with a disreguard for others in this way = another persons marriage.

I dont like my DS (8) to play with kids who are not nice, dont share/figher/tease whatever. Wy shouldnt theses parents advise against it?

They've said their bit to their son and it's up to him now. Having an opinion is not the same as controlling and intervening the OP has said she will 'embrace' the girl.

Andsmile

"What that women has done is not nice and I would advise my DC to not be involved with people with a disreguard for others in this way = another persons marriage."

How does the way the mother act have anything to do with the daughter? Plenty of couples don't like the in-laws...etc.

Maybe the daughter should be thinking twice about the OP's DC since he disregards other women as "slags"

And maybe her husband should grow a pair as he is the only one who can tell this lady to back off?

Or maybe... two separate people should be left to see how their friendship/relationship gets on?

My lord - you'd think they were getting married.

And you say it's not intense...

What Hermit says with bells on.

Feel sorry for the gf. Wondering if she's being used by op's son since whole family looks down upon her family. I hop not.

I hope not. Not I hop not.

Ive already said I feel sorry for the girlfriend quite up thread.

But I was posting in respect to the OP's feelings as that is what she has issue with - about her family being involved with this other family through the DC - whatever form this may take. Let's remember this is a women who thought at one point her husband was up to no good. So I can understand her POV. I can see how that may make her feel a little anxious but she has also said she would embrace the girl - so she has been able to see that and put it to oneside (I assume here)

But I can see Hermits point about inlaws, and the 'slags' comment. So it would seem to me not a great joining of values and families no matter how tenuously.

I agree re husband but that is not an issue anymore for OP, she trust him (as stated) but i that is a seperate issue to DS and GF

She is leaving htem alone. I never suggested OP should intervene. How can she anyway. I just sympathised and said I get where she is comming from re her feelings.

How someone feels is not always how someone acts.

OP

Your son is 17. I am sure he and his new girlfriend are not looking to be embraced by the wider family. Leave them to get on with it. No need for inviting the "in laws" over for eggnog quite yet.

If you want a son who respects women, discourage the use of the word "slag".

If a woman flirts with your DH he should be capable of shutting it down. If he doesn't, the problem isn't the woman.

Your son's girlfriend is not her mother.

I know slag is an offensive word, but I can sort of see OP's side when it comes to this, I know I'll be slated for this but I actually think it's almost sweet that he called this woman a slag! Sounds like he was just expressing a bit of solidarity with his mum and empathising with her emotions! Like two mates chatting to eachother. If it was the other way round, e.g. some bloke sending unwelcome texts to a mum, wouldn't it be fair enough for a father and daughter to agree "what an arsehole" in the privacy of their own home - it doesn't necessarily entail a lack of respect for women IMHO...

Your son's girlfriend is not her mother - I agree with this. I'd just quietly eye-roll to yourself that your son unfortunately had to pick her given your history with the mum, but let them get on with it.

"If it was the other way round, e.g. some bloke sending unwelcome texts to a mum, wouldn't it be fair enough for a father and daughter to agree "what an arsehole" in the privacy of their own home - it doesn't necessarily entail a lack of respect for women IMHO..."

But arsehole isn't a gendered insult, anyone can be an arsehole. Slag is usually only applied to women.

mamushka Thankyou for that! you've got it exactly right

mynewpassion why/how do you think this girl is being used??? DS has known her for years and is very fond of her. He plays sport with her brother and all the DC get on well together.
Just the parents not so well

But arsehole isn't a gendered insult, anyone can be an arsehole. Slag is usually only applied to women.

This with bells on. That's a pretty revolting thing for a 17 year old to say about a grown woman or any woman for that matter. If I were you I'd be more worried about the negative effect your son may have on the girl as opposed to vice versa.

And I'm not saying what the woman is doing with your husband is right, because it most certainly isn't, but that does not make her a slut/slag/whore etc .

My DP gets a lot of (unwanted) attention from a certain woman at work, it amuses me more than anything because I'm secure in our relationship and I know DP would never cheat.

I take it that whoever told her to stay out of sons life basically and let him get on with it has not got teenage children or if you then it's clear you don't look out for your own then.

How offensive. I have two teenage kids and one of them is in a relationship with someone I wouldn't have chosen for her myself. But he isn't a serial killer, he is a similar age and mindset to her and she is old enough to make her own mind up so I stay out of it.

Can't believe how petty this thread has gotten! I can see why you would be upset but the slag bit is a bit strong, welcome the daughter and embrace anyone who is positive in your sons life and if this means you have to deal with the mother, once she gets the message that the kids are happy she might be easier to get along with?

As for you cheersmedea my parents have been together since they were 16, not only that but I met my husband when I was 17, I am now 23, we have a son and I'm pregnant with our next child and we got married 3 weeks ago, its not that uncommon love!

Is this the woman who fed the ice cream to your dog and your DH videod it? If so then it really does seem like you're projecting your issues with your DH enjoying this woman's company onto her daughter!

losingthewill I've no idea what you are talking about I'm afraid! I don't,and have never had a dog.
I think you must be confusing me with another poster!

Must have. But there was someone not too long ago who was also around 50 who had issues with a woman they knew from a sporting club their DH and DS were a member of with said woman gushing about how wonderful the DH was and funnily enough didn't change behaviour when that poster was around either. I'm sure that OP posted that their DH had been walking the dog along the canal and bumped into the woman who walked her bike along out of her way talking to him before they got ice creams and sat on a bench where the DH filmed her giving ice cream to the dog before marvelling over how funny it was when he got back home.

Unless I've dreamt it all!

that definitely wasn't me! no dog and don't live near a canal

I remember the ice cream story.

Perhaps one day one of my sons will call a woman a slag, but I hope the day never comes that I excuse such misogynistic nonsense from them.

Thought you might like an update
DH got a txt last night from girlfriends mother
isnt it great that our DC have got together?! Maybe we will be seeing a lot more of each other soon
He txt back don't hold your breath, I don't usually go on dates with DS and going on past events she won't be around for long, don't buy a wedding hat yet

going on past events she won't be around for long lovely! And you seem pleased by this response?

Why couldn't your DH have a) ignored the text b) said "I don't usually go on dates with DS" c) said "look, I'm happily married and I don't think you're being appropriate so I'd appreciate it if you didn't keep sending me unsolicited texts".

Seems to me your DH is rather enjoying the attention!

fluffy how does that seem OP's DH is enjoying attention?

I disagree - silly women, why is she texting him only this and not OP? OP is right ot be concerned that it gives this women another excuse to contact her DH. I dont see anything wrong with OP being concerned about her marriage. I think the DH's text back was a polite rebuttal.

He txt back don't hold your breath, I don't usually go on dates with DS and going on past events she won't be around for long, don't buy a wedding hat yet

Wow. What did you say when he told you he'd sent that?!

I think the DH's text back was a polite rebuttal.

It wasn't though was it? It wasn't a refusal to engage with her or a "please don't text me again"

He hasn't told her to stop contacting him, so it does to me seem like he's enjoying the attention. When someone like that texts me, I either ignore them or say "look I'm in a happy relationship so stop it", OPs DH hasn't done that.