"You latched on to me and think you're more than you are"

[PigmyAcne]

That is what my lovely dp has just said to me. All because I asked if we could try and get. "Our" house in both our names as I'm contributing to it every month yet only his name is on the mortgage/deeds.

So yeah ... I apparently latched onto him and think I'm more than I am as a result.

Never felt so shit in all my life.

LTB.

Sorry this is happening to you OP

I found myself in a similar situation with a commitment phobic, mercenary arse hole. It ended when he finally left me for wanting commitment. Best thing he ever did. It allowed me to see him for what he was, and cleared the way for me to meet my wonderful DP who has never once made me feel that way again.

See this as an opportunity. Your happier future can start as soon as you're free of him

So sorry OP, he is a shit!

ltb.

Defintely LTB but also get legal advice before you do so to know where you stand in relation to the house. Hopefully you can at least get your "investment" back.

At least you've found out now what he really thinks, rather than 20 years down the line.

Get legal advice as suggested, get him to pay you off if you can and move on.

Sorry that what you thought was an equal and worthwhile relationship hasn't worked out as you expected.

FWIW, my late father said he was paying something like 75% of the mortgage on the family home that was in his name only. Turned out my mid-twenties sister was paying the 75%. Some people are despicable dishonest bastards.

What a twat

Also forgot to add - whatever capital gains the property has gotten in the time you have invested in it, should be proportionately returned to you as well.

Eg in simple terms if the property was bought for 200 000, and increases in capital gains by 50 000 in 2 years, ie is valued at 250 000, and you decide to sell at this point, then according to your investment of 2 000, vs his investment of 20 000, you should get about 9% of that capital gains, ie, 4 500.

He has behaved disgracefully, you deserve so much better. The fact you chose, bought and moved into the house together should suggest you were an equal partner at the time.

I think you may be entitled to something from the house but as far as I remember (from a previous experience) it would probably only be 2/20 of any increase in value of the house. The part you were paying towards the mortgage is irrelevant as essentially that is your rent.

I sympathise.
I got told regularly that he picked me up out of the gutter and that all I did was take take take.

Thinking of you this morning, I hope you have people in RL to give you hugs. Be thankful you never had dc with this man you deserve so so so much more

This horrible thing sounds like it came as a real shock op. My heart goes out to you.

He is certainly not a lovely DP at all and he has controlled you throughout.

You need to leave, this is not a relationship that is at all worth maintaining.

Why are you contributing at all towards a mortgage you are not a part of?. That needs to stop as of yesterday. You will never get that money back along with any money you have yourself spent on his property. Your own legal position is meagre at the very least and you could well walk away with nothing. He has used you throughout.

I doubt very much he will ever add you to the mortgage or title deeds infact he will never do so.

I would suggest that once you leave this individual you rebuild your life and enrol onto Womens Aid Freedom Programme.

but maybe he saw an entitled grabby part of you that thought you could have half if not all the house by only contributing a tiny fraction towards the deposit and he's used that against you.

That's a little pointlessly harsh, don't you think? Where did you get it from? She reads to me like a person who went into the deal with perfectly reasonable expectations and put everything she had into it. Her everything was less than his everything, but nowhere does she say or even hint that she wanted a whole 50% stake. Just to have her input legally recognised. (And it sounds like she was absolutely right to want it, albeit sadly too late.) Of course she could be lying, but you could say that about any poster ever.

"he told me that the mortgage advisor said we'd lose this house if I insisted on being on the mortgage as I was a student and had dependants".

He lied to you on the above points as well.

I'd ask for your 2 grand back and try and recoup some money you used for flooring etc....make alternate plans ASAP.....only just read you have dc....you can use deposit for your own place even if just renting for now and stop paying his mortgage. If he has one ounce of respect for you he will give you what he owes you....seek advice from cab....legally if you are not on title deeds then you have no claim on your slice of deposit.

Good luck....in a way a lucky escape in years to come you could have paid thousands towards his house and have fuck all to show for it....

If you can't get him to give you any money out of the house, is there anything you can salvage from the house itself that you paid for? Like sofas, other furniture, carpet, flooring etc? It would be satisfying to take those with you when you LTB.

I feel sorry for you. He sounds like a bastard. What a nasty thing to say to you. You really are well rid and hopefully that knowledge will carry you through the heartbreak.

Contrary to other posters above, yes you should see a solicitor as equity is more complex than just who has their name on the deeds. You may indeed be entitled to some limited rights in the house (though two years is a relatively short time).

How awful OP.

You are worth more than this.

Go to a solicitor.

You have paid £2k towards the purchase, and have paid towards the mortgage payments. I suspect you may be entitled to part of the equity. And don't stop paying towards the mortgage, until a solicitor tells you to do so.

LTB obviously. See a solicitor at the citizens advice bureau, don't throw away more money on solicitors as I honestly don't think you'll be entitled to anything, my friend wasn't after ten years with her partner bastard

Good luck, you are worth soooooooo much more

Thus happened to my mum. She had been contributing to my stepdads mortgage for over 20 years and she had to walk away with nothing.

She brought his kids up, paid the bills, looked after his parents and he rewarded her by throwing her out for a newer model.

This recently happened to my SIL. For 15 years her partner alwas had a reason why her name couldn't be on the mortgage. She handed over a significant amount every month to him to contribute.
He was a fucker in many ways and when she finally left him after years of emotional abuse he sold the house and took every last penny.
She saw a solicitor and wasn't entitled to a thing as she couldn't prove he had used her money to pay the mortgage.
She's still a lot happier penniless and without him.
Cut your losses and run.

NO NO NO!!!!!! stop keeping this myth alive - there is no such thing as a common law wife or the status of such after 2 years.

I can vouch for this. 11 years together, two kids, sold my cottage to help pay for renovations on his (bigger) house - my famiy even gave him money for renovations - against my wishes - but he took it. I worked the whole 11 years we were together, moved in all my furniture when I sold my place, decorated, renovated, improved (it was a dump when I first met him) .. and I walked away with fuck all. Literally not a penny. We also had a business and I got nothing out of that either, because we weren't married.

The only way I would have got anything would have been more him to do the honourable thing (yeah right) or for me to fight it through the courts and I would have had to show how his property had increased in value - what value I had added in the time we were together. I would have had to prove all that, and then I might have got a few grand out of it - it just wasn't worth the months and months of fighting it would have taken.

I have no regrets about leaving my ex, but my life since has been very, difficult financially. Live in a rented house, no savings or assets, and literally scrape by month to month. I saw him the other day - having not clapped eyes on him in 10 years ... driving up the road I caught a glimpse of this bloke in the car coming towards me and it was him - driving a fucking Range Rover!

I urge anyone who is not married to their partner to protect themselves financially - through legal agreement, or stop paying towards other people's mortgages or putting up money for repairs and so on. Have a rental agreement instead or something of that nature, but don't end up like me.

If you can prove your contributions, you've got a case against the equity and are so much more than just a lodger.

Go see a solicitor, get all the documentation and facts together and at least see one with a free I ritual consultation if you can't afford to pay for it.