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Original poster

"You latched on to me and think you're more than you are"

153 replies

PigmyAcne · 01/11/2014 21:09

That is what my lovely dp has just said to me. All because I asked if we could try and get. "Our" house in both our names as I'm contributing to it every month yet only his name is on the mortgage/deeds.

So yeah ... I apparently latched onto him and think I'm more than I am as a result.

Never felt so shit in all my life.

OP posts:
Original poster
PigmyAcne · 01/11/2014 22:07

I'm hurting so much. I feel like he's lied to me all this time. All along he's thought I'm a piece of shit not worth his bank card.

OP posts:
Original poster
PigmyAcne · 01/11/2014 22:10

Wannabe he told me that the mortgage advisor said we'd lose this house if I insisted on being on the mortgage as I was a student and had dependants. Dp knew how much I loved the house and so I agreed under the promise that post deposit our contributions would be classed as 50/50 and I could be put on the mortgage come renewal time. Whenever I bring this up now he goes mental and accuses me of all sorts.

OP posts:
WildBillfemale · 01/11/2014 22:11

The You think you're more than you are comment is the telling bit, I presume he means you think you are his life partner when he doesn't see it that way?

In future if you put a deposit down on anything INSIST on being on the paperwork.

mineofuselessinformation · 01/11/2014 22:11

Sounds like a shitty situation.
Yes, he's used you, so get out as soon as possible - but not before you have removed anything you reasonably can that you've paid for.
And don't cave in when he realises his meal ticket is heading towards the horizon. Good luck.

Quitelikely · 01/11/2014 22:15

Well there might be some truth to that because the banks do deduct a certain amount of money off your borrowing limit for dc but tbh I don't think it is that much plus certain income you have as a parent can be taken into account, although this does vary by lender.

Are the dc his op? I wonder if he is not as committed to this relationship as he has made out......

Could he afford the mortgage if you moved out?

LuluJakey1 · 01/11/2014 22:16

That is awful What a mean, shabby thing to say. It speaks volumes about him and what he really thinks of you.

Personally, I could not see any way back from this. I would never be able to put it away or come to terms with it. It is just really nasty and disrespectful.

Your money is good enough for his mortgage and to maintain and i orove his house, you share his life. and hisbed for 3 years and he has lied to you about his intentions. All the while this is what he thought.

See a solicitor, get your money back and never speak to him again. Don't look back, not once.

Original poster
PigmyAcne · 01/11/2014 22:17

He's recently been offered a payrise and has been funny with me ever since. I'm wondering if the payrise enables him to afford the house on his own therefore he's now free to get rid of me.

OP posts:
Zazzles007 · 01/11/2014 22:18

OP you are not a mug, you loved, trusted and cherished someone, and believed that they felt the same way for you as well. Your world has been up-ended by this dickhead, and you are well within your rights to see a shit-hot-lawyer and get this sorted out. You do have rights, they might be hard to enforce as this was a verbal contract, but in principle, verbal contracts are just as binding as written contracts. Get yourself a very, very, very good lawyer who specialises in this area, and go from there.

Twinklestein · 01/11/2014 22:18

You have been a mug, I'm sorry to say, you've been royally done over financially, but at least you know now what he's in this for. Rather now than 10 years down the line.

Get out asap.

SelfLoathing · 01/11/2014 22:22

NO NO NO!!!!!! stop keeping this myth alive - there is no such thing as a common law wife or the status of such after 2 years.

The fact there is no such thing as a common law wife doesn't mean that a financial contribution to the mortgage is of no legal consequence.

Someone in that position may have equitable rights possibly. It depends on the circumstances. OP should see a lawyer.

See eg:

www.theguardian.com/law/2011/nov/09/court-rules-property-rights-unmarried

FishWithABicycle · 01/11/2014 22:23

Leave the bastard. Like twinkle says better you find out now what a git he is

CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/11/2014 22:24

Being on the mortgage only makes you liable for the debt. Your deposit and other contribs could have been documented as you having an ongoing financial interest in the property making you an investor/co-owner rather than merely a tenant. Are there any records of your payment to the bank or did you give the cash to him?

Sadly 'shoulda woulda coulda' doesn't get you very far. You've been stitched up and now insulted. Try demanding a pay off either in cash or goods to the value. I think it's all you can do

Finola1step · 01/11/2014 22:26

Tell him that you are happy to compromise. That you will drop all talk of going on the deeds if he pays you back the £2000.

The day the money hits your account, get yourself down to your local letting agents and get yourself a new place.

Dump this horrible little man.

ouryve · 01/11/2014 22:28

Oh dear. I think he needs to start paying the mortgage for himself, by himself. That's an horrendous attitude for him to be expressing.

Zazzles007 · 01/11/2014 22:35

I contribute towards the mortgage and upkeep, maintenance and decoration etc each month and always have since we moved in

Pigmy is entitled to more than the original 2K she has put in: at my reckoning, it is the 2K + the interest for the time that this has been invested; the ongoing contributions to the mortgage + the interest, as well as the maintenance, decoration and whatever the 'etc' is in this case (+/- interest). As another poster said, this is an investment, and as an investor, that is what I would be looking to get back from this twat. If you had put this money into a high interest account, you would be expecting the initial investment + whatever interest accrued in that time period.

cafesociety · 01/11/2014 22:56

What a horrible little man. Get your 2k back, with interest, take your dignity and go. He isn't going to change, and you've been used.

At least you now know the truth. So sorry.

Nessalina · 01/11/2014 23:17

Paying for a solicitors time is just going to throw good money towards bad. If he refuses to give back your £2k then consider going to the small claims court to get it back with interest, but as he's already offered to pay you it back, then just take it. Then leave. And don't beat yourself up too badly, you had no reason to doubt him, he's just been a prize cock. Do you and your kid/s have somewhere you can go?

twizzleship · 01/11/2014 23:27

All I wanted was a legal right to the house that was supposedly "ours". Every time I suggested a deed of trust he offered to pay me off. When I mentioned solicitors tonight he offered to pay me off I can see why he thinks you latched on to him - paying 2k compared to his 20k does not make you equal partners nor does it entitle you to half a house. The monthly financial contributions you've been making are basically you paying your share of your living costs - the same as you would do if you were renting somewhere.

yes, he's a duplicious cunt and you've been taken for a mug....but maybe he saw an entitled grabby part of you that thought you could have half if not all the house by only contributing a tiny fraction towards the deposit and he's used that against you.

i would ask him for the 2k back and move out.

Original poster
PigmyAcne · 01/11/2014 23:33

Never wanted nor asked for half of the house. I asked for a deed of trust to be drawn up which would recognise his £20k input and my £2k input and the 50/50 contributions since (as we'd agreed). He wouldn't do it. I now realise he never wanted me to have ANY claim on the house ... Hence why he kept paying me off so just "drop it" which suggests he never really intended to get married either. I have been played for a total mug.

OP posts:
WallBox · 01/11/2014 23:49

Pigmy do you live in the south east? Very relevant in the last 2 years.

thecatfromjapan · 01/11/2014 23:55

A fair share of the value accrued by the house wouldn't have been asking too much, either.

Anyway, I think the point isn't just the money. I reckon he did this for control, not just as a nice little bit of lad lording-with-sex-and-housework-thrown-in.
While you were handing over a tithe of your income (for his asset) , you had less financial autonomy. As you paid more into the house and the relationship, you felt as though you had more lose by rocking the boat. His lack of commitment meant you (probably) tried to please him and keep him happy. Even when a part of you must have been insisting that reality was quite different.
That last point is the biggie - the whole thing has messed with your head.
That's why you feel so broken: he takes your money and lies to you. He refuses to commit but isn't honest about that. He tellsYOU that you are greedy. He tells YOU you are a leech. The exact opposite, really, of the reality.
Not good.

thecatfromjapan · 01/11/2014 23:57

Cogito is right, though: it would be good to spend a little time thinking about how you ended up staying in such a nasty relationship. Do that thinking before you start a new relationship.

thecatfromjapan · 01/11/2014 23:58

Blimey. That should say 'land lording'.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 02/11/2014 00:01

I am not a lawyer but I do think it would be worth seeing a solicitor mainly because I think him taking £2k as a deposit on the condition that he would later create a deed of trust, and then reneging, might be considered fraud.

Idiotdh · 02/11/2014 00:08

How long has he owned the house...how many years?

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