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Original poster

"You latched on to me and think you're more than you are"

153 replies

PigmyAcne · 01/11/2014 21:09

That is what my lovely dp has just said to me. All because I asked if we could try and get. "Our" house in both our names as I'm contributing to it every month yet only his name is on the mortgage/deeds.

So yeah ... I apparently latched onto him and think I'm more than I am as a result.

Never felt so shit in all my life.

OP posts:
furcoatbigknickers · 01/11/2014 21:35

You have paid in for 2 years, seek legal advice. And ltb. Knob.

Quitelikely · 01/11/2014 21:38

See a solicitor, why?

It's his house, he bought it, it's legally his and you are, in the eyes if the law paying rent.

Did he put a huge deposit on it?

MissMogwi · 01/11/2014 21:39

Awful. He's shown his true colours, as others have said.

Tell him to piss off and see a solicitor.
What an absolute knob.

Hope you are ok.

Quitelikely · 01/11/2014 21:39

And the house belongs to the bank at the moment.........

Original poster
PigmyAcne · 01/11/2014 21:43

It's not about the money. Yeah he put a big deposit on it (about £20k). I put £2k on it which was all I had. Since then I've been paying towards the mortgage each month as well as upkeep (laminate flooring, repairs etc) and bills. He always said that it was as much my house as it was his, that we were equal partners etc and we were going to get married ... Then I question the mortgage arrangements and all of a sudden I'm a 'Latcher on' that thinks I'm worth more than I am. I fucking hate him. He's taken me for a fool from day one, it's obvious. And I trusted him :-(

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 01/11/2014 21:43

Do you have children together? If not, I'd leave tomorrow.

If you do, I'd leave the day after.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/11/2014 21:43

I don't know how long he owned the house before you arrived but legally he's not obliged to donate some of his house to you, of course. Paying towards maintenance etc only gives you the status of a lodger/tenant. Pay rent for 30 years and you'll find you don't get any money back when you leave & you don't own the landlord's property either.

So he's not wrong to refuse but he's gone about it very badly and revealed himself to be a condescending tosser in the process......

CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/11/2014 21:45

X-posted.... When you put your £2000 to buy the place originally, didn't you get it legally drawn up that you were a part owner?

Nessalina · 01/11/2014 21:45

Unfortunately I think in writing off this man (which you ABSOLUTELY should) you will also need to write off the money that you've put in to the house. In two years it won't have been enough money to be worth getting solicitors involved and if you hadn't been with him you would probably have been paying rent somewhere else.
Notch it up to experience and don't let yourself get in to this situation again.
Leave now, and don't look back, you're worth more than this arsehole.

PeppermintPasty · 01/11/2014 21:45

Yeah, forget the house and the money you've put in, I would seriously leave if you can. How revolting. Cut your losses before they get bigger.

Quitelikely · 01/11/2014 21:47

Well if I was him I wouldn't be rushing to give someone a share of my 20k and rightly so IMO.

If you are getting married then you wouldn't need your name in the mortgage anyway.

A decent way to compromise is by getting a deed of trust drawn up that states if you separate then your dh gets his 20k back, not unusual and a sensible choice for those who aren't married but cohabiting.

He needs to protect his investment. I know I would do this. Maybe he doesn't know they exist...........

Nessalina · 01/11/2014 21:47

Gutting that you paid £2k toward the deposit without getting anything officially drawn up. Unfortunately you don't have a leg to stand on legally, which is awful, but he has taken you for a mug. What a tosser.

Dowser · 01/11/2014 21:48

Wow, that's so callous.

I think a few months down the line you will realise you've dodged a bullet.

Once you've cut your losses and let as his name is the only one on the mortgage ( presumably ) then he is the one responsible for it. That's me thinking logically ....I hope

Naturally you will take legal advice.

What a charmer....not!

I'm shocked! Totally!

Only1scoop · 01/11/2014 21:48

So you are not on title deeds as tenants in common even? You need to stop contributing to pay his mortgage....why aren't you on deeds if you purchased together??

I'd ask him for a rent book at least you would have some rights....

Keep all receipts for all contributions you have made to his property....

WildBillfemale · 01/11/2014 21:49

I think if you have been paying into the house for 2 years you still have some legal rights over it

NO NO NO!!!!!! stop keeping this myth alive - there is no such thing as a common law wife or the status of such after 2 years.

OP isn't on the mortgage
OP isn't on the deeds

OP has the legal status of a lodger.

She needs to either sort the above or bail

RandomMess · 01/11/2014 21:49

Stop paying a penny now as of today and give yourself time to decide where you want to move out to etc.

How heart breaking that he's been happy to take your money and give you false promises.

Dowser · 01/11/2014 21:51

*once you've cut your losses and left

Original poster
PigmyAcne · 01/11/2014 21:51

He refused to get a deep of trust. I suggested it. I never wanted his £20k and I always made that clear. All I wanted was a legal right to the house that was supposedly "ours". Every time I suggested a deed of trust he offered to pay me off. When I mentioned solicitors tonight he offered to pay me off. Yet all sling he's promised he WaNTS me on the deeds? He's been full of shit from the start. He's been using me to pay his mortgage.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 01/11/2014 21:53

Yes he has.....he could have easily protected his 20k and you be on the mortgage together....

Awful

Original poster
PigmyAcne · 01/11/2014 21:54

I've never felt so hurt. I thought he loved me. I've been a total mug.

OP posts:
ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks · 01/11/2014 21:56

"He offered to pay me off"

Why on earth did you stay? I don't mean to be awful....I suppose you're wondering that yourself...if you have children you need to see a solicitor on Monday. Even if you don't have children you should still make it an absolute priority. Get legal advice before you leave him.

He has none of your interests at heart.

Quitelikely · 01/11/2014 21:57

Why didn't you go on the mortgage at the start ? Also would he genuinely struggle to pay it if you didn't contribute?

SweetErmengarde · 01/11/2014 21:57

I would let him "pay you off" and use the money towards on a deposit on a place of your own.

Even if it's a rental at first, you would still have the peace of mind of knowing you were protected legally.....plus you would be down one selfish arsehole!

RandomMess · 01/11/2014 21:59

Yep let him pay you off.

You must be hurting so so so much, how f*cking mercenary of him Angry

WannaBe · 01/11/2014 22:05

Why would you buy a house with someone and have no ownership of it? tbh I don't quite understand that bit - if you were buying a house together, why did you not insist that you were joint owners? and what excuse did he give for not wanting you to be joint owners, given you were in a relationship, buying a house together etc? Confused

The reality is that you have no rights to this house, you are not legally entitled to any share of it, even less so as you have no children together, so seeing a solicitor would be pointless and only cost more money for no outcome.

You need to just cut your losses and walk away, but do ask yourself the questions as to how you allowed yourself to get led into this situation in the first place. It would be one thing to have moved into his house and be contributing, quite another to be buying a house together and not even being on the deeds and accepting this.