Partner is moody and I can't really cope anymore

[Cornishrexellie]

I'm divorced and in a newish relationship, have two children with ex husband. New partner for around 20 months, he is moody and they are getting worse. His mood used to last a day, then all forgotten by morning, now they are lasting up to four days. He becomes rude, angry, swears at me and is insulting, moods are sparked off over trivia. For example huge mood for four days because I had fallen asleep watching tv and it was on a channel he didn't like.....mood because I spoke as he was falling asleep and woke him......there has never been any substance to a mood, it's always over petty things. His moods are normally a weekly occurrence
When out of a mood he won't discuss the episode as he says it will put him back in the mood.
I recently paid for a four day city break in a European capital, 5* hotel, just the two of us, he ruined three days in a mood because I asked for a cuddle at bedtime and he wanted to sleep. He wouldn't talk, just wanted to sit in the hotel room. Said he didn't want to come to that particular city in the first place and was ultimately very ungrateful and insulting.
I have a lot of love for this man, but he's grinding me down.

I'm a professional who can't take time off work to sort things out, but I'm looking glum in work and people are asking if I'm okay.

How can I deal with his moods, no matter what I say, it's makes him worse.
Am I flogging a dead horse here??

Plus he leant me £12k to partly buy out my ex husband and every time things are really bad he asks for his 12k back, which I haven got to hand.
I don't want to sell my house to pay him his money back, I'm in a pickle to say the least.

You need to deal with it when he's in the mood as he then can't deny his behaviour.

Get the children into their coats and put them into the car.

Go up to him and say, "This is clearly not working for us. You haven't spoken to me for X hours and this is the Xth time you have done this in X period of time. I'm not prepared to live like this. You are living with me and my children and you are deliberately making us uncomfortable. None of us want to be at home when you are like this. We can't live like that and it's time for you to go. I know I owe you money and I'm grateful you lent it to me. I will sort out a loan with the bank and give it back to you. I'm taking the children out for two hours and when I come back at X pm I want you to have packed a bag and found yourself somewhere to stay tonight. I don't expect you to be here when we come back." Then walk to the door, turn and say, "You brought this on yourself with your moodiness. Nobody can be expected to live with you when you behave like that. It's intolerable." And then go out for a couple of hours.

Overseas222, that's how I stumbled on mumsnet forum

Wow, 20 years, I've had my fill after 20 months..

Imperial, I like your advice, I am going for that, my boys will be happy to see the back of him, I can't deny we've had a few laughs along the way, but crying every week because of his behaviour is not normal, I'm a psychiatric nurse with 14 years experience, I know normal behaviour and I think he's got some sort of mood disorder or personality disorder.

X

Cornish - Do be careful about leaving him in the house unattended to pack "his" things and be gone when you get back.

If he's this unreasonable now, I would try to insure against any of your & your DC's personal documents and important possessions aren't in the house for him to take or destroy on his way out ... Maybe have someone else in the house or just pack his stuff for him...

Overall, stay safe...

Impossiblegirl I think you are right, I'll stay in house to ensure everything's ok, and that he leaves his key, I have two house cats and I wouldn't want them getting out by "accident "

Thanks

Have you told him?!

Poor you overseas.

If you are indeed overseas, it is much harder too! You can really feel trapped.

I wouldnt leave him in the house alone. I'd tell him it was over and change the locks. In front of him if necessary. The pack his stuff and sling it out the door.

He sounds vile.

Get a free half hour with a solicitor and find out what the situation is re the loan. Its certainly not a reason to put up with his abuse. Get him away from your DC and cats asap.

Get a loan..give check to your solicitor and get him toforward it to him after he makes a copy of it for the file. If you go for installed payments he will cconstantly hassle you and you will not be free. Also can you access some counselling through your work as it will help you process the whole thing. You may have been attracted to him as he presented a challenge to you after your dh. I have been in this situation myself and needed counselling to see why l was more attracted to the challenge ofa lout than an adoring partner who was always so kind to me. As a nurse you may have been more drawn to the one who needs minding.