oogling young girls

[typingtoofast]

Myself and my partner have decided to give it another try. He is convinced im the woman for him and has apologised for his regular selfish episodes where I have to explain to him that his behaviour is not condusive to a healthy relationship. Ultimately he's selfish. But he has improved and I have seen a loving, attentive and kind man. I was beginning to think that this was a great new start for our relationship and was glad to give it another shot as had missed him when I decided to end it. The break gave me and him perspective and what was important to us both. All that aside.
We were out today in town and a group of young girls (16yr olds I'd say)were obviously heading off on a halloween party night. I had mentioned how inappropriate I thought the outfits were as they were extreamely revealing. You get the picture. In my mind I'm also thinking how they will catch their death of cold!
He views the girls and says they're out for a good night and laughs. He almost snapped his neck gawping. Now nobody could help it as the outfits as i said were ott. But then he replies they'll be teasing the boys later in the nightclub. I reply yes and that's just wrong.
I have in hay days worn revealing outfits and I replied that I wasn't necessarily looking for sex I was I suppose just rebelling and trying to be adult like.
He replied but kids these days are having sex younger, just look at them,look at the one in the tiny outfit. She'll be having sex tonight with the way she's carrying on.
I told him that's enough, that he looked like a sleezy man oogling.
He replied oh to be back that age again. I'd love to meet her out. Imagine the fun.
I was appalled by two things. One him visioning and two saying it in front of me.
Is this normal? I was disgusted and chose to say nothing for the rest of the evening. But then I think what if middle aged men say these things in their head. He's stupid/honest enough to say it out to me.
Now I'm thinking I am with a sleezy middle aged man and worries me that he would think like that.

Are you for real??

MNHQ tells me I have been banned for "mansplaining" and because I am suspected of "promoting an MRA agenda".

This is my last post. Adios, free speech!

Something that really needs tackling is the indirect victim blaming by employers.

If a potential employer discovers that you have taken your previous employer or a former colleugue to a tribunal (assuming you could afford to) whether it be for sexual harassment or some other reason then you are less likely to get the job and possibly even seen as a troublemaker. This is another reason why many dont report it.

By then, Poh

Is is wrong that I laughed at Opoh's last post, especially the 'Adios free speech crap?

well, it is laughable

I wonder if #4 will pop up

Perhaps we should start a thread detailing all the sexual harassment we have been subjected to in our lives. Then maybe other people who "can't believe it happens like this" would believe. . I have frankly forgotten a lot of it, but i am 46, and just reeling off a couple, I was also assaulted on a tube train. I actually did turn around to the filthy revolting old git and shouted at him (I was in my 20s). Nobody flinched. He turned flame red (oh the irony!), moved away then got off the tube.

I was cycling in Hull where I used to live. I was in my 30s. A boy, a BOY (about 13 I guess), overtook me on his cycle and grabbed my breast, then cycled away. I shouted after him but he was too fast and I felt like a twat as people were looking at this mad shouty woman on a bike. To my shame I didn't report it. I should have done. I often wonder if he was a rapist by the time he was in his twenties

I was followed into a woman's toilet by a man I knew on a night out with work and clients in Leeds. He grabbed me and as he tried to kiss me he shoved his hand up towards my pants and was only unable to succeed in sticking his fingers inside me because I was wearing tights. I told him to fuck off and pushed him against the wall. He laughed it off and I felt shame. His wife was outside in the bar with us. I said nothing. I was in my twenties.

Jesus. That's three that spring to mind.

We did have such a thread once, PP here it is

Oh god thanks AF.

I am not saying we shouldn't have another one, btw

I did say I was leaving this thread, but...

I cannot believe the fucking gall of men who have read of all these experiences and then expressed scepticism. Or told us how to deal with unwanted attention. Apart from the usual shit women deal with almost daily, my most frightening experience was being kerbcrawled in the middle of the day on a deserted street. While pushing my three week old baby in a pram. He only pissed off when another car turned into the street. And yes, I did report it but was too terrified to notice a number plate or anything else of much help. Perhaps I should walked over to slap his face, I'm sure that would ended well...

It must have been extra terrifying to be kerb crawled with a tiny baby in tow . You couldn't exactly run away safely could you ?

When it happened to me, I could at least dodge quickly down a couple of alley ways to lose him. I was frightened if i went straight home in plain sight he would then know where I lived. (it was the dead middle of the night, no one else on the streets). Eventually, I got home and sat in a dark hallway for a while, listening to the sound of his engine driving round the neighbourhood looking for me

And I am still reeling at the bloke upthread who asked me "what did I think he might do to me"

Poor you, DOT

My most novel assault was in the surge of people waiting for the doors to open on an underground train in the morning rush hour at Waterloo.
I will not go into details, as I don't want to give any pervy types who could be reading this, ideas. Lets just say that he was a city gent and as he got off behind me, he pulled his coat closed, and nobody else was aware that anything untoward had happened.

It was the third incident that week, I was 18.

To be fair, sometimes I would go for weeks without a problem.

One evening at 7.00p.m. I had a knife pulled on me because I refused to kiss or go to a party with an unknown young man. Also on the underground. I was 17.

The life of a quite ordinary London teenage girl before the explosion of porn online. I expect it's worse now.

And you . Poor all of us, I guess.

This has been the most upsetting and depressing thread I have ever come across on MN. And that's saying something.

< puts head back above parapet >

Sorry I really had to stop engaging for a bit there. Couldn't face it. I am so glad that so many MNers, far more articulate than I, put the case forward today.

I remember when I met my dh saying I'd never had anything like this happen to me, apart from... Oh and that time where... And I suppose... And I don't know if you'd count... He was aghast. As was I, because I realised that it was just part of my life.

It's amazing how we are conditioned to accept this, utterly awful that it continues. I'm not surprised men are shocked by it - why wouldn't they be? - but having the good grace to listen is always a start.

And as the mother of a young son I realise that bringing down the whole circus is dependent on me and those like me. Educate, educate, educate.

dirtyoldtown I totally agree.

My very posh boss pushed his tongue down my throat on Christmas Eve, and as I struggled he laughed and said "Come on, I bet you don't kiss your boyfriend like that". He was 45 years older than me.

He was fondly known as Sexy Rexy by the older ladies in the office.

Im sorry to hear about the shit experiences youve all had When i was 16 i was offered a lift home by a 56 year old man i knew. I knew him because me and DB were left round their house when we were junior school kids after school so my mum could go out to work. This is why i thought it was ok to get into his car. I didnt realise that he stunk of alcohol until i was in the car. He asked me for a kiss. I said no. He did drive me home but as we reached my road i was petrified he was going to turn the opposite way. I remember getting out of the car and going to my room to get some money to go to the phone box round the corner (this was early 1990) to ring a friend and her mum to ask them what i should do because i felt shaken up and didnt want to tell my mum and dad because i knew i would get the blame.
My friend and her mum were lovely and told me it wasnt my fault and to tell my parents.

I was right about my mum though (as usual) she said it was my fault for getting into his car.

Alright to leave me round his fucking house when i was even younger though!

Jeez darkesteyes.

The one that sticks in my mind isn't actually the worst 'offence' by a long chalk, but a single comment, which is why I think this thread struck a nerve.

When I was 14, waiting at a bus stop in the middle of a horrible winter's night, a kindly-faced, much older man pulled up in a car and offered me a lift. I said no, I was meeting my boyfriend on the bus but thanks for stopping. He said (and I apologise because this isn't even comfortable to type) 'well I hope he has fun ripping that little hole of yours to bits, it's not my lucky night' and drove off. But you know - It's only words not actions, and of course I was wearing a warm coat and jeans. Should have just punched him in the face. Obviously.

Ugh

I know. The language quite honestly makes me feel sick and I don't want to upset anyone else with it. But it perhaps demonstrates how words can actually attack.

Oh my God. Cloggal.

Y'know it's too easy for some people to say you should do this, do that, say this.... it's the sheer shock of it sometimes, it literally stuns you into silence or inaction.

Jesus cloggal he was fucking vile.

thanks. I will happily report my own post if others find it too graphic. I think this affects me more than other more 'serious' things that have happened because of how much sheer hatred I felt from a man who seconds previously looked (to me) like my friend's nice old grandad. Absolute hatred.

Its fucking terrifying.