Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

oogling young girls

804 replies

typingtoofast · 25/10/2014 22:08

Myself and my partner have decided to give it another try. He is convinced im the woman for him and has apologised for his regular selfish episodes where I have to explain to him that his behaviour is not condusive to a healthy relationship. Ultimately he's selfish. But he has improved and I have seen a loving, attentive and kind man. I was beginning to think that this was a great new start for our relationship and was glad to give it another shot as had missed him when I decided to end it. The break gave me and him perspective and what was important to us both. All that aside.
We were out today in town and a group of young girls (16yr olds I'd say)were obviously heading off on a halloween party night. I had mentioned how inappropriate I thought the outfits were as they were extreamely revealing. You get the picture. In my mind I'm also thinking how they will catch their death of cold!
He views the girls and says they're out for a good night and laughs. He almost snapped his neck gawping. Now nobody could help it as the outfits as i said were ott. But then he replies they'll be teasing the boys later in the nightclub. I reply yes and that's just wrong.
I have in hay days worn revealing outfits and I replied that I wasn't necessarily looking for sex I was I suppose just rebelling and trying to be adult like.
He replied but kids these days are having sex younger, just look at them,look at the one in the tiny outfit. She'll be having sex tonight with the way she's carrying on.
I told him that's enough, that he looked like a sleezy man oogling.
He replied oh to be back that age again. I'd love to meet her out. Imagine the fun.
I was appalled by two things. One him visioning and two saying it in front of me.
Is this normal? I was disgusted and chose to say nothing for the rest of the evening. But then I think what if middle aged men say these things in their head. He's stupid/honest enough to say it out to me.
Now I'm thinking I am with a sleezy middle aged man and worries me that he would think like that.

OP posts:
StillFrigginRexManningDay · 26/10/2014 16:28

No what started as a victim blaming thread has turned into those trying to victim blame having their rape myths busted.

MyEmpireOfDirt · 26/10/2014 16:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dadwood · 26/10/2014 16:30

I think there are two different threads happening at once. To me, teh motivation for sexual assault may have bearing.

It seems to me that there are different motivations for sexual assault and if the motivation is power and control, then exactly what the woman [person] is wearing makes no difference at all

If the motivation is attraction then it may be that revealing clothing increases negative sexual attention. No victim blaming though, people should be able to wear what they like without having their emotional and personal space violated.

I am a man and I have not experienced sexual assault so am open to being wrong on the subject.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 26/10/2014 16:31

I am a man and I have not experienced sexual assault so am open to being wrong on the subject.

I am glad to see you acknowledge that.

StillFrigginRexManningDay · 26/10/2014 16:33

Men do not assault because they are attracted to a woman ime. They assault and harass because they think they have a right to.

dadwood · 26/10/2014 16:33

Do you think I am wrong?

NoelleHawthorne · 26/10/2014 16:35

Reported. Obv

cloggal · 26/10/2014 16:35

The OP hasn't posted in 12 hours.

The victim blaming on this thread is really sad.

Flowers and Wine yesidid.

dadwood · 26/10/2014 16:35

I retract my second paragraph if it is flat out wrong, I am just trying to work out if there are two different things going on.

dadwood · 26/10/2014 16:36

Oh no. I really really am sorry. I have put my foot in it

StillFrigginRexManningDay · 26/10/2014 16:36

Yes I do think you are wrong on the second point.

dadwood · 26/10/2014 16:37

If I am that for out, I'll withdraw from MN.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoWoooooooode · 26/10/2014 16:38

"If the motivation is attraction...."

Please think about what you are saying.

Yeah, sorry I raped you...but I was just so attracted to you.

What a depressing thread.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 26/10/2014 16:38

Dadwood did you mean to say there are two motives for sexual assault ?

I don't believe ever that sexual attraction can be the motive for sexual assault. I think it is power play and contempt for the person that you are assaulting that motivates the trashing of boundaries implicit in the act.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoWoooooooode · 26/10/2014 16:38

Don't withdraw, stay around and EDUCATE yourself.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 26/10/2014 16:39

You don't have to withdraw from MN.

dadwood · 26/10/2014 16:40

The assualt I was referring to in the second para. was unwanted comments etc.

MyEmpireOfDirt · 26/10/2014 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dadwood · 26/10/2014 16:41

I know rape is always about power, I know that for sure.

StillFrigginRexManningDay · 26/10/2014 16:42

You're ok dadwood,just be grateful that your male status affords you the right to wear what you like Grin .

On a serious thought maybe part of the problem is the lack of calling out of those who leer or make comments about women. Both men and women. If everyone took the view that its really not ok hopefully, like casual racism, casual harassment of women will become a thing of the past.

dadwood · 26/10/2014 16:43

It the wolf whistle end I was thinking of.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 26/10/2014 16:44

Unwanted comments are very different to a genuine attempt to chat someone up that you fancy (absolutely nothing wrong with that, as long as verbal and nonverbal cues from the chatee are paid attention to)

everyone knows what the difference is, it's just that some people choose to ignore it because they can and society currently excuses them for it

cloggal · 26/10/2014 16:44

Exactly myempire. Actually, let's stop calling it sexual assault.no one gets confused or worried about the 'motive' for plain old assault.

MyEmpireOfDirt · 26/10/2014 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dadwood · 26/10/2014 16:46

OK thanks MyEmpireOfDirt for understanding what I meant. FWIW I think Women often dress to impress other women