I have been with DH for seven years, married for one. The whole Ched Evans thing in the press brought a previous experience of mine to the surface and after a long conversation about sexual assault with DH, I confessed that I had experienced something I felt was an assault.
Before meeting DH, I had been in a long term relationship and I had lost my partner to cancer. After he died, I went off the rails somewhat. I was bereaved, hurting and lonely. I did some things which I am not proud of. One of these was having a one night stand. I had had too much to drink and was not at all in control. I went out for some drinks with some work colleagues, but felt reasonably safe. However, I awoke the next morning in my flat to find a guy from work in my bed with me. I was unclothed and extensively cut and bruised ( I still have scars). I got him out of my flat as quickly as possible and drew a line under it. I have never asked him about what happened. I have never talked to anyone about it.
To this day, I am still not certain what occurred, but have felt somewhat taken advantage of in my vulnerable state. I could not say that I was raped, but feel that this person took advantage of me. I have to see him very day at work. He makes me feel like an absolute stain.
I have always felt confused about this experience and am incredibly uncomfortable around this man. My overwhelming feeling is that my boundaries were breached. That I was in no state to consent to anything and he used this to his advantage.
Anyway, after discussing the Ched Evans case with DH, this all came out. And I was utterly shocked at his response. I fully expected him to empathise. He did not. He got really angry. He hit me with a barrage of questions and because my experience was about how I FELT about the ONS, because I had nothing I felt I could take to the police, he questioned me quite aggressively. I was left feeling that I had to justify my actions to him. Basically, if I was not certain I was raped, then I shouldn't be complaining.
I feel crushed that the person I should be able to trust most of all turned away from me when I confessed something difficult and private. I have never told anyone else about this before. I was so unspeakably hurt by his response. It has impacted on how I interact with him. I cannot continue as normal and be loving and affectionate. I am so, so hurt. He is not the man I thought he was. I am questioning the future of my marriage.
He can barely look at me now. He seems to be on the verge of ending the relationship because he thinks I have no reason to be hurt. But did I really "ask for it"?
I am so overwhelmed and confused.