ifidelity

[moloko]

My husband told me last night he had sex with another women when he was away. My baby is 16 month old i'm devastated what to do?

Janepain did you know of each time or has he told you all in one go about it?

Scrub that if about swingers I dont want to know!

Thought it was about certain woment who mess around with married men!!

Thanks Overdraft for the tip on the book. Did not see your input till I had posted.

Overdraft he told me in one go!

was it after he had done it the last time and needed to tell you then?

He told me because I noticed some one who works with us getting a little interested and I thought they were and started to put pressure on him. He had to tell me that he was not involved with this person and never would be. He then told me about the 3 times he had.

Sounds like he needed to be honest with you and loves you very much.He is very lucky to have you.Is he acting very sorry?

I know its probably very unhealthy for me to be on this thread because my crisis was such a long time ago and its not good to wallow but because of DH's behaviour afterwards I have bottled a lot up.The fact I even looked at thread means its still an issue for me.So many of the things MN's are saying feel so familiar to me.Did anyone examine every strange comment,every unexpalined event that happened during the time period DH/P was cheating?The first one that popped into my mind after he told me was once when we were having sex I smelt an unfamiliar scent not quite perfume perhaps shampoo or something.I asked him whats that smell he just shrugged his shoulders.Hope this isnt too much info but the smell was on his stomach so you can imagine what we were doing.When I realised after the confession all I could think was we were ahem intimate in that way and he hadnt EVEN WASHED HER OFF HIM!!! I felt filthy.

Overdraft, he is very sorry and acts it. I can talk about it and anything about it at anytime. He asks how I am and what can he do. He never flinches when I tell him he can keep his you know what in his trousers, only I say it more filthy to him. He is helping me work through it. I know he loves me I love him, we have been through a lot together, more than most people would have coped with. Thanks for your input and support.

janepain dont know if it helps and its the worlds biggest cliche but if it was three different women they really cant have meant anything to him.I know it probably doesnt help much but as you said if you want to stay together at least you know he never loved anyone else.I still think that my DH must have felt something for this woman to see her for 9 months.He denies it of course but you apply comon sense and I must be right.

Sorry howsoonisnow but this is a totally selfish question how long ago was it for you>

Dont feel dirty! He would have done the clean thing and washed in some body soap you did not recognise.

I hope all this does not put you back,keep talking only if it helps.

Howsoonisnow, look at it a different way. Lets forget the two men in our lives. I think that we all look at wanted to have a different thought to it, sorry I will try to illustrate.

1. The women who has had her man sleep around will say I wish he had an affair at least it would not have been that casual shallow thing.

1. The woman who husband has had an affair will think that she wishes that her man had been to shallow to have just slept around.

The truth of it all is that any which way its hard to understand and to work through. We hurt, feel cheated and some times let it tear us apart too much. There is a time I am aware of that I will have to have taken as much in as I can, then I need to stop talking about it, pull my self together as was prev mentioned instead of killing myself several times over.

Lots of love to you, take care X

Sorry Howsoonisnow Did you understand point 2

Should say

1. The woman who husband has had an affair will think that she wishes that her man had been shallow enough to have just slept around.

Does that make better sense?

Reading janepain's earlier entry definitley know what you mean about the soulmate thing - it felt like a bond had been broken that couldnt be repaired.Having said that I think it is very slowly rebuilding,but it is a long process.When DH recieved that text last year we had a very painful and upset conversation.He exclaimed 'when will this end' to which I replied 'well according to her text August when she goes on her trip'. We looked at each other and laughed -the first laugh we have ever got out of this situation.And as has been said I now know that the worst can happen (other than death) and I will cope.

was posting before your last message jainpain I do see what you mean I suppose I wanted you to take comfort anywhere you could find it because my heart goes out to you.And to answer your question 7 years -I know its frightening.But I do go weeks and weeks without it even crossing my mind.

howsoonisnow. Good to hear you laughing with each other, that will help! Got to make friends again I suppose. Like you say you are through the worst. My favourite saying of all time is. One day I will look back at this and laugh..Well maybe not but I look forward to a smile!

I even forgot the 'anniversary' of the confession this year

have to go do some cleaning but everyone remember you are not alone -to someone who didnt know I would probably appear to have a perfect marriage with no skeletons.There are so many of us with this in our relationship history.

Love and hugs to you all xxxxxxx

We do put our selves through some pain dont we? Bet each one us us remembers where we were, when it was or some thing similar. Sorry but my sense of humour gets the better of me cause I just remembered that I am always impressed when some one remembers where they were when some thing happened, I dont know, say when John Lennon was shot etc., I always wondered if I would ever have that feeling, well funny I should say that!!

Bye Howsoonisnow keep smiling and having a laugh with your other half x

Do you know girls we could start to cheer ourselves up...Every time someone wants some thing deep and helpful we could talk, but a lot of getting through this must be humour.

I have the perfect party pieces now!!

Everyone in party is talking about big things that have happened. One person said that they remember what they were doing when John Lennon was shot, some one remembers where they were when .......happened and I pipe up and I remember where I was when DH told me he had S-- around!!!! What a party stopper. Sorry made me laugh (Could not think of another big story other than ones I did not want to introduce to the conversation) Do I make any sense!!!

here's a funny

At the height of our major trauma, my dh had left then came back the next day asking for forgivrness. By then the children knew something was up and we tried to explain it to the children...it was heavy stuff as you can imagine so as we calmed I told the children it was ok to be normal agin to go play to not think about it.

My darling dd who was 7 at the time came down a little later from her room and said" who wants to play happy families?" pure innocence!!!!!I cried so much ...with ironic laughter!

My ex- OH had a drunken one night stand with someone. I did decide to give him a second chance (don't think I could have done if it had been an affair) as he did sound genuinely sorry for what he had done. It wasn't easy to start of with & it did take time to trust him again, but I did after a while.

The things that I allowed to happen make me sort of laugh now -they are so bad its funny.Two days after the confession i actually agreed to him going to her house to collect things he had left there.Cant believe I agreed for him to go to see her.He returned with his favourite leather jacket and a games console(dont know which one but it was what was whatever was the latest one)he had bought specifically to have at her house!I let him keep the jacket but smashed the games console.I mean would you-if you were the cheater begging forgiveness-bring something like that back into the marital home.You would cut your losses and let her keep it wouldnt you? BTW got lots of cleaning done so I am having some quality MN time-children at cubs/dancing.DH at work where he belongs -I'm feeling cross with him and he hasnt done anything-that I know about anyway.

Hi everybody! Glad that it helps to talk about it on MN. Just want to say special thank to maturer. In the first few days after conffesion you words just stuck in my mind and it helped great deal with it. Your a wise woman and i needed someone like you at that time.
On sunday 1oct i read the article about this site and on sunday everning he told me about it. On monday i post my massage for the first time! And i got so much support.
Still can't believe it! Today just had a break down. Just did not want to do anything and be with my DS wanted to runaway. He left his office and came to help me. Just such despair at times.

thinking of you x