i think he's just like my ex

[Technicolourtats]

I started a thread a couple of days ago and have really appreciated the support on there. Have been thinking lots today. Still feel very down but I have to think properly about this relationship.
My ex was very abusive, physically, mentally, sexually- he was controlling and horrible and I put up with his shit for many years. I then got pregnant and he beat me up when I was about 5 months gone. I left him.
About a month after my DD was born I met my current partner. He moved in with us a month ago.
He has been very moody for months, shouting at me and kind of belittling me. He went away for work and came back early but said he wouldn't come home because I would argue with him, but then came home anyway. We argued because he said I hadn't done anything in the house and was generally just moaning. Then I told him to leave me alone, he grabbed my arm and spun me around and shouted loudly in my face that I'm good for nothing then stormed out.
I don't know what I've done wrong and now I don't know what to do. He's being a prick but he does look after me and makes me feel safe but i hate when he shouts.
I've been very depressed for a while now and I don't feel I can think straight. I hate people shouting.

I didn't finish my post but that's the basics I guess
Tia x

You've done nothing wrong. You've taken a punt, trusted someone and they've turned out to be a nasty piece of work. If he's only just moved in, get help to move him right back out again. He is not looking after you by grabbing you and hurling insults. This behaviour does nothing for your depression.

Set the bar high now. There's nothing wrong with you and you deserve love, kindness and gentleness. You got rid of one abusive tosser. You can do it again.

He isn't as bad though I just don't know whether he hates me like my ex did or if there's a chance he could just be not very happy right now or something like that

You have very low expectations. Why would you allow someone like this in to your child's life?

I don't know he's never mean to dd though I have done everything I can to protect her from my ex but my current partner is nice to her

That doesn't sound like treatment that makes you feel safe, OP.

No he isn't nice to her. He's assaulting her mother, the one person she relies upon in the one places she should most feel safe.

Love, you've found yourself another abuser. Get shot quickly and get yourself some counselling and look at doing the Freedom course. You're worth so much more than these horrible men.

I don't know if I would ever be able to break up with him anyway

I don't know if I would ever be able to break up with him anyway

Perhaps that wouldn't be the next step, but why do you say that?

I m not strong enough to leave him I don't think I don't know what to do. I'm being pathetic I know and I hate being Like this

I m not strong enough to leave him I don't think

You break it down in to small steps until you can do one thing at a time. It doesn't really require strength.

I don't know what to do.

Perhaps the next step is to research this. Find out what you would have to do. Just in case you ever want to.

Have you done the Freedom Programme OP?

You say he isn't as bad as your ex - but going from a level 10 abuser to a level 7 is still an abuser isn't it.

What makes you think you can't get rid of him - surely you just tell him to leave?

Op - You sound more than a little depressed to me, so I wonder if you've talked to your GP lately. Being depressed can make it really hard to make decisions and in general deal with tough things, and you need your strength right now.
I agree with Chrissy41 - the only acceptable level of abuse is Zero! But bad behavior from your partner can really eat away at your confidence in yourself, and you need to be really strong for your DD. You're all she has.

He may not seem as bad as your ex right now, but he certainly seems to be heading that way. Or just keeping it as low as possible so that you don't leave, because he knows you left because of a beating.

Still, you were able to leave before, so you can do it this time. Or you will spend years being miserable with him.
Your DD will grow up, will start witnessing how he treats you, and he will turn on her as well.

Now is the time to do it. Gather support from where you can. Speak to WA if you don't have where to go, or if you need him removed from your place. It can be done.

He's so angry I feel sick

Are you safe - what has happened? Please call 999 if you are in any danger.

Are you ok?

I am ok he has gone

OP this is absolutely not your fault. You've had rotten luck to end up with two total tossers.

Can you lock the house up to make sure he can't get back in? Are you safe tonight? If you're worried he might come back ring the police.

Yes stay safe, don't put up with any more abuse. You must be exhausted. It's draining dealing with all that. You were, and are, vulnerable. Don't let him back and get yourself sorted with your children. I know it's hard to trust your own judgement after being in an abusive relationship (I was abused by my ex husband physically and mentally) but you must try.

Put yourself and your daughter first.

He has a key but I doubt he will be back. He hurt me a bit. I want to sleep. Another thread on here has made me see that I need to be here, but I just need to work out what to do next

I will do like Vivacia said and break it down into steps. I think that will help

He has hurt you? Please call the police and do not let him back in. Do you need medical help?

A bit yes I don't need to call the police though, I feel very sick that I seem to choose men who hate me or I seem to make them hate me. I don't want to be shit any more. Thank you for all your messages you are all being very kind