i think he's just like my ex

[Technicolourtats]

I started a thread a couple of days ago and have really appreciated the support on there. Have been thinking lots today. Still feel very down but I have to think properly about this relationship.
My ex was very abusive, physically, mentally, sexually- he was controlling and horrible and I put up with his shit for many years. I then got pregnant and he beat me up when I was about 5 months gone. I left him.
About a month after my DD was born I met my current partner. He moved in with us a month ago.
He has been very moody for months, shouting at me and kind of belittling me. He went away for work and came back early but said he wouldn't come home because I would argue with him, but then came home anyway. We argued because he said I hadn't done anything in the house and was generally just moaning. Then I told him to leave me alone, he grabbed my arm and spun me around and shouted loudly in my face that I'm good for nothing then stormed out.
I don't know what I've done wrong and now I don't know what to do. He's being a prick but he does look after me and makes me feel safe but i hate when he shouts.
I've been very depressed for a while now and I don't feel I can think straight. I hate people shouting.

Because I don't want to be how I was before with my ex

101 and ask for the DV team. They will talk to you and if he has to come and collect his stuff they can send someone to be with you. Tell them your partner hurt you yesterday and that you don't want to make things worse, you just want to be safe.

WA will also have advice for you as to how to stay safe, and they may well be able to offer you a place on their Freedom Program, so that you can rebuild your strength and learn to spot the signs early on: it's a sad truth that people who have been abused tend to be drawn to the same personality types (abusive men are so often very charming and persuasive) until they learn how to avoid them.

Thinking of you

If you are afraid of him, you can ask the police to be present when he comes to get his things. Talk to the Domestic Violence Unit, they will listen and they will take you seriously. Please don't let him inside and please don't face him alone. If he has hurt you once, he will again. Don't take any risks.

put his stuff outside and please don't let him it?

I hope you do speak to the police - wishing you lots of strength. Please let us know you are ok x

sorry in not it.

How are you OP?

Please let us know how you are. It's brilliant you have made the decision to get rid of him. Stay strong

Techni: are you ok?

Keep talking on here.
You will get support.
x

Just someone else adding their voice to say please call the police, protect yourself and your daughter, you are worth it. I hope you're OK.

The police arrested him yesterday because he was being violent, I have spoken to a dv officer and she is lovely.
I am feeling very overwhelmed but I am ok, thank you for the support

So pleased that you have support and he was arrested.

Let's hope he stays away.

You are a strong woman.

Keep safe.

Well done OP.
That was a brave thing to do.
These men just carry on to their next victim if all their violence and bad behaviour goes unreported.
Hopefully he will stay away from you now.

But.... please please please call Womens Aid and enrole on their 'Freedom Progamme'
You can do it online but much better to attend the group sessions.
This will be so good for you.

Keep going and keep strong.

I agree with you doing the Freedom Programme.

I suspect you need to learn how to look at red flags and to protect yourself. Hopefully, you will get rid of anyone showing signs of abuse (moodiness, shouting and belittling you, from your OP) instead of moving in with them.

Having said that, don't think for one moment that it is your fault, or a problem with you. We can do our best to protect ourselves and screen out the bad apples, but it's not 100% fool proof and they are the ones choosing to abuse us.

brilliant - well done indeed. Are you ok?

I'm in pain and I'm tired of it all. I just want to keep my baby safe but im failing at that.
I will look at the freedom programme.
I believe everything both of them ever said about me.
Am just exhausted and dd would be much better off with my sister

What those two losers say about you isn't true. It's their way of grinding you down. Your baby won't be better off with your sister, she needs you. Yesterday, you didn't fail her. You took steps to protect you both. Be proud of yourself for that.

You are not in any way failing your baby.

You got rid of your second abuser fairly early on. Much sooner than many women.
You should be proud of yourself.

And you should trust your instincts earlier on next time. Don't believe what people say about you, particularly if it's to put you down. A good partner should make you feel good about yourself.

Have you taken a look at the Freedom Programme?

213.138.101.100/elearning/courses/freedom-programme

you can do it online free here too.

Well done! You have protected yourself and your DD. You're a good mum and a good person. Be kind to yourself.

I like to be liked and love to be loved, but I make it a policy never to mind what people I don't respect think of me.

Abusers actually like to grind you done and undermine your self-confidence because they think that way you will never leave them. If it were just that they hated you, they would leave you of their own accord, wouldn't they?

Hi everyone,

Thank you to those who reported this thread to us. We've taken a look into things, and we have noticed some discrepancies on their account, so we're going to get rid of this thread whilst we take a closer look.