Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you consider this rude?

76 replies

chloealex · 17/10/2014 14:59

Hi,

I would just like a general opinion, is what my husband said rude?

"We are doing a leaving do, you're not invited and you will need to pick me up"

I think it is rude but he can't see it.

Thanks in advance
Alex

OP posts:
Letthemtalk · 17/10/2014 15:00

Yes it's rude. I'd text back, have a nice time, hope you have your keys with you, see you when you get home.

WorraLiberty · 17/10/2014 15:01

"You will need to pick me up" is very rude and if said to me, would be met with "You will need to phone a taxi".

GirlInASwirl · 17/10/2014 15:03

'I don't either need or want to pick you up - thanks'

hellsbellsmelons · 17/10/2014 15:03

Not a chance in hell am I picking you up.
Get a taxi you rude little man.
I may well not be here when you get home!

hoobygalooby · 17/10/2014 15:03

Of course it's rude!
Just because he's your DH doesn't give him the right to speak to you like shit. Tell him he needs to learn some manners
And don't pick him up!!!

ByTheWishingWell · 17/10/2014 15:05

Yes, it's very rude. That is no way to ask you to do something for him!

Jan45 · 17/10/2014 15:21

I wouldn't even reply to that shit.

handfulofcottonbuds · 17/10/2014 15:23

You need to ask? Confused

WerkSupp · 17/10/2014 15:27

Very rude.

'Next time, think twice about issuing orders. Till then, phone a taxi. '

Does he have form for ordering you around?

AMumInScotland · 17/10/2014 15:28

Any sentence that includes "You will need to..." when it's to facilitate his choices, is rude.

It should always be "Please would you be able to..." - he's asking a favour, it should never sound like an order.

Original poster
chloealex · 17/10/2014 15:32

no not really, but he does make insensitive comments which again he won't accept responsibility for, instead saying that I took it the wrong way. On some level since we got married he has been a bit different. I didn't know what to say because it took me by surprise and I felt a wave of angry/hurt or something come over me.

OP posts:
Original poster
chloealex · 17/10/2014 15:34

and then his comments and this order are followed by denial.

OP posts:
EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 17/10/2014 15:34

He said it to you, or to someone else on behalf of you both?

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 17/10/2014 15:35

Either way, bloody rude, and he could expect to be standing on the kerbside ........ waiting .......

Original poster
chloealex · 17/10/2014 15:36

he says insensitive comments to me and what he said this morning was directly to me while eating breakfast

OP posts:
WerkSupp · 17/10/2014 15:36

It is rather worrying, this difference since you married.

You are not taking it the wrong way, that's gas lighting you, tbf.

I would taxi back, 'You will learn not to issue edicts to me or speak to me so rudely and you will arrange your own transport home. I will not pick you up and am finding your tone towards me less tolerable.'

WerkSupp · 17/10/2014 15:38

He can see it. Does he speak like this to his colleagues? His boss? His family? I'd bet a million pounds he doesn't.

ImperialBlether · 17/10/2014 15:39

Can you tell us more about how he's changed since you married him?

Oh and yes, of course it's rude. The test would be: how would he respond to that if you said it to him?

Original poster
chloealex · 17/10/2014 15:39

he is somewhat condescending with people and always believes he is right and his way his right.

OP posts:
IsItMeOr · 17/10/2014 15:42

Definitely tactless way to put the first part (you're not invited) and rude way to request that you give him a lift home.

How much does he consider your feelings/needs generally?

And yes, what do you mean when you say things have been different since you got married? Different better, or different more of this type of stuff?

hellsbellsmelons · 17/10/2014 15:44

he says insensitive comments to me
Can you elaborate on this?
What sort of comments?

Lots of abusers change when married or they can get a lot worse when kids come along.
It you are already questioning things you need to seriously think about your future and what you are prepared to put up with.

brunette123 · 17/10/2014 15:44

Totally agree with Werksupp - sometimes the way my oh speaks to me, compared to how I hear him talk to his colleagues on the phone, or his daughter, or shop assistants or people at the gym is definitely less respectful and he denies it but he knows. Your OH knows he spoke to you badly and the denial is just part of the disrespect. It would be bad enough if he spoke to you badly then at least apologised but by denial, it effectively says it is ok for him to talk to you like dirt. It's not. Have a migraine so you cannot drive and then tell him the migraine was due to the stress of his attitude.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 17/10/2014 15:45

I would just say equally pithily no can do, since the invitation didn't extend you, you've got other plans.

Original poster
chloealex · 17/10/2014 15:46

it's hard to explain exactly how he has changed....we took future decisions together but know he is saying they were all my choice. I moved to his town with him. He complains a lot more about things/ habits that annoy him but if i complain I am overreacting. He thinks he can do things better than me. Lately he thinks he funny to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. he brushes off my point of view as he assumes he way is best. He wants the attention and then moans when i ask for something

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 17/10/2014 15:47

Or say that the migraine was caused by the meeting at the solicitor's.

Swipe left for the next trending thread