Is there really anything wrong with moving "too fast"?

[peanutbuttercupfield]

I've met an amazing man, who ticks all the boxes (apparently I tick all his boxes too) yet I've been told by others that we are moving "too fast". I have spoken to him about this and we both agree that we are behaving like a couple of giddy teenagers but I truly believe that I've met my match in him.

I'm not naive and I know that everyone puts their best foot forward at first but we've been honest with each other (as far as I'm concerned) and we know the good, the bad and the ugly in regards to our past.

We've been together for two months and thinking about moving in together sometime down the line.. although it feels as if it could be sooner rather than later.

Has anyone had any experiences like this that's ended positively or even negatively?

extra information: I'm 27 and he's 45. I'm also divorced with no children. I have been divorced for 3 years and dated two men in between.

If you have no kids then do what you like, but protect your financial independence in case it's too good to be true.

It's an individual judgement. One person's 'too fast' is another person's 'just right'. However, if you've got people around you telling you to be cautious then please listen to them. Maybe they are seeing something in his personality that you are blind to? Maybe they are seeing something in your behaviour that is giving them cause for concern? It's more common for other people to stay well out than to interfere so a few more questions might be in order.

Also, please be aware that however honest you are with each other about your respective pasts, you've not seen each other at your worst in the present. Two months in you're all on best behaviour.

If you go ahead therefore, protect yourself. Don't do anything daft like opening a joint account or quitting your job and moving to the other end of the country. Maintain your independence even if you move in together so that you have options,

thank you Ehric and Cogito. He lives two hours away from me so moving in would mean moving out and finding another job. I have thought about all that and would be willing.

My sister said "it all seems a little too good to be true" she can't believe that a man could truly be the way he is. I've been with a few men and I know when someone is holding back a little (I used to) but with him I feel like myself 100% and he seems that way too. My parents like him it's just my siblings and friends who aren't so sure.

It's too fast if there are other people to consider, like DCs but neither of you have them then fill your boots I suppose...

People don't reveal themselves properly within 2 months. It's all hormones and mucky touching till the first year is over. That's why people counsel against making any big decisions in the first flush of romance. My pov is slightly different, in that why would you ruin the first flush of romance with dirty socks and heated discussions about who does the dishes? Dating is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much more fun than living with each other.

As someone who has done this I would say proceed with extreme caution. I know you don't want to hear negatives as everything seems to be so positive right now, but please do listen to your RL friends. No one will be hurt if you slow down, whereas there are more pitfalls to encounter if you rush and figure out in a month that you are living with someone you feel you don't know because he was on best behaviour. He may be fine, but there is no harm in enjoying the honeymoon period while it lasts
Talk finances with him but don't agree to anything. Just test the waters on that front and see what the situation is there. You need to know the important bits like finances, housing arrangements, debts, previous relationships and future hopes and dreams at this point. Does he have kids? Does he see them regularly if so and pay CSA? These can all be indicators of how he will deal with things life could throw at you in the future if you are with him.

Then - sorry to be harsh - but you are being foolish if you're giving up your job and moving two hours away on the strength of a two month relationship. Why the big rush? Why do you have to move to him and not the other way around?

I have 2 friends that got engaged after 6 weeks, married after 12 weeks, had their first child 10 months after the wedding, their second 12 months after the first and so far have been happily married for 10 years.

We all thought they were crazy, but you know what, sometimes it's just 'right'

X post about the honeymoon period there LonnyVonny ! I do not miss the extra cleaning involved in wiping chest hairs off the bathroom floor every morning and wondering how vigorously he must have been rubbing to carpet the tiles
Let him wine and dine you a bit more OP. You can stay over at weekends for now and then still feel the excitement in the week

I would be very cautious.

Google "blowtorching" together with the word "dating".

A man coming on very strong is often a sign of problems later (not always obviously) but playing the odds it often is. Sociopaths and narcissists behave like that. Play the role of the ideal partner then once they've got you, turn off over night.

Almost all stories of women being devastatingly hurt by a sociopath begin in the way you describe.

Please be careful.

Oh and the female of the relationship moved countries to be with him 2 weeks before the wedding. Now that's scary.

I moved in with DS's father very quickly, engaged within weeks, pregnant within months. He beat the crap out of me and I left when DS was 3 months old, a single parent at 24.
Fast forward a decade and I met DH (bit of a clue there!!) - we had both been through the mill a few times, knew what we did and didn't want in life. We were married 14 months after we met - although DS and I moved to the other end of the country 7 months after we met, so DH could be near his children. We are rapidly approaching our second wedding anniversary and aside from all the usual shit (demonic ex wives, finances etc) we couldn't be happier!
One if my closest friends met and married her husband within 13 weeks - they have just had their 20th wedding anniversary.
It can work - it can also be catastrophic. Keep your eyes open and your feet on the ground!

Funnily enough it was the couple who married within 13 weeks who persuaded me to get my head out of my arse and go for it with DH!!

lion

If anything happened with me and DH, while I'm sure I'd seek a significant other, I really doubt I'd live with someone again. Imagine - no hairs, no toast crumbs under the toaster (how hard is it to wipe up some toast crumbs?) and a bed to myself.

I would take lovers and cultivate silence. Bliss.

How do you know he's not one of those guys who put up an image of exactly what a woman wants to see and reverts to his true self in time.

Don't you want to make sure that the person he seems to be now is who he truly is?

Don't you want to see how you're getting on in year or so before you uproot your life for him?

If he's so great why is he single at 45? No doubt he's told you he just hadn't met the right girl yet.

Probably not the same ..But take a look at my thread and be careful x

I met a man in September, moved in the following March having moved two hours away and found a new job.

We have been together fourteen years and have two kids together. His parents warned against this my friends made no comment. Depends how much you trust your judgement.

It worked out for me, cannot say whether it will for you.

why rush it, enjoy this bit, this is the good bit. I met and married within 6 months had 2 dcs within 2 years, divorced after 3. I wouldn't change it ,but looking back I think I moved so quickly because some part of me wanted to run from the reality of him. So moving quickly became my way to prove our love !
He turned out to be a massively controlling ego maniac, a total dickhead. Someone who really loved me would want me to be sure, really sure.

I think that is a bit mean to presume a guy who is single at 45 has 2 heads or something.
An ex of mine married at 50- and that was 21 years ago and they are still together.

OP- there is a big age gap. Regardless of other issues I'd ask you to bear that in mind. I dated someone ( the ex above) who was almost 15 years older. It was a generation. Your gap is almost 2 generations. It CAN work but think about him being 65 you 47......him 70, you 52. I am almost 60, still working, still 'vibrant' ( ha!) and cannot imagine what it would be like being with an almost 80 year old.

This will be very hard for you I expect to get your head round now - but it's a factor to think about.

You are both in the first flush. They say that this wears off after a year or so. Wait. Do not move, do not chuck in your job. Get to know him a whole lot better. You need to see each other- and support each other- when you have flu, severe D&V!, stressed with work, all the shit that life throws at us.

There will always be people who come along and tell you that they have been married for 30 years after a 3-week courtship- but equally there are many more examples of rushed relationships ending badly.

Tinky- 6 months is 3 x as long as 2 months :)

The other thing to consider: you are two hours apart, and have only been dating two months. Considering you both (?) work, that doesn't seem to me to equate to very much actual time spent together in person.

So I'd completely understand you feeling the way you do given the point in the relationship you're at. BUT....

Until you've had your first fight(s), understood his opinion on the boring stuff (division of labour around housework, how finances would ideally work, do you want to get married and have children), seen him completely drunk and vice versa, met his friends and family (assume you have), understood what financial/emotional demands his ex-wife puts on him, understood what demands his job puts on him... I'd think it's worth waiting before making any hasty decisions.

I met DH in the September, he moved in in the October and proposed in the November. We got married exactly a year later. That was in 2006 and we've barely had a cross word since.
Different strokes for different folks I say

Is there really anything wrong with moving "too fast"?

Only that you don't have chance to sound each other out and spot any deal-breakers before you get in too deep.

Be a bit wary - other women haven't found him as amazing long-term as you do right now, or he'd still be happily settled with one of them.

No children (yet), no joint finances, don't fund him, don't take risks with your health - ie, always a condom, no matter how much he complains, and watch him for the 'whip it off when she's not looking' scenario.

And, enjoy.

It's great to fall in love and you should enjoy these early months of a relationship.

However, I don't get why women (and it usually is women) would give up their home and their jobs for 'love' in these early months. It strikes me as a really silly idea.