My MIL is snide and manipulating and I want to emigrate to get away ....

[looki]

I have made a big effort to 'get along' with her. I have put up with her racist, ignorant and snobbish remarks for six years.

I have smiled at her while she told me that her husband could never have owned a (specified) small business because he is an 'academic who needed to use his brain' while knowing my own father owned the same small business. I have listened to her while she recounted stories of throwing stones at neighbour's pets while their owners were out because she 'didn't like their owners'. There are a hundred other examples - the children's birthday parties must be held at her house, she knows best about every single thing in the whole fcuking world.

I have nodded and smiled until now as she is raising her game and is getting snide with my young children, 'advising' me that young children can be 'horrible and sneaky' and need to be 'taught to be obedient'. I have adorable girls but her view is that boys are better. I have bitten my tongue for the sake of my husband. I want to run away from her as far as possible but her son fails to see anything wrong in anything she says or does and I am at my wits end. I can cut down visiting but I cannot avoid it.

She will expect us to spend Christmas with her. I am already dreading it. We will be told to arrive on Christmas Day 'on time'. We will have to tell her a hundred times how good her dinner is, we will have to be profusely grateful for being somewhere we don't want to be. Her (single) daughters in their forties will be there. They are versions of her. They will ask me questions on her behalf and 'suggest' better ways I can do things with the children. When I say that I'm happy with how things are, they will smile and say yes yes but we are right. Her words, their mouths.

I don't have the energy for her or them anymore. I am tired. I am determined she will not have an undue influence over my kids!

Oh, and I can also relate to the hoopla about Christmas. It is a big thing for MIL. I believe that some of these dysfunctional families like to project a Perfect Family Christmas, to pretend to themselves and others that they are emotionally healthy.

Wow, so many things on this thread are similar to my experience. OP we are meeting with MIL in less than an hour after I decided to have our own little Christmas this year. We have seen FIL a lot but she must be sulking/drinking because we have not clapped eyes on her. Anyway meeting on neutral ground for a bite to eat. Have said to DH that I do not want to sit beside or opposite her. I am a bit nervous but my DSis said to do my make up nice and have a pleasant smile on my face!!! It will be a game of let's pretend exactly like seoladair says above.

Wish me luck (I feel sick)

Vals - how did it go?

I like the idea of not sitting beside or directly opposite your MIL. I am always 'positioned' exactly beside her. Whether we are in her house or restaurants, she doesn't allow anyone to take a seat until she dictates which seat we can use.

Its so odd but until I started writing this thread, I actually never realised just how controlling she actually is.

I don't think she has NPD from what I have read about that disorder. She simply isn't a very nice person and wants things her own way all the time and she is to put it bluntly a terrible snob.

It was all sweetness and light thanks for asking looki. There were no opportunities for her to get me on my own and have a go. She started to say something controversial about gay marriage but she was blanked so that topic of coversation didn't go anywhere (she could start an argument in an empty room).

I only do what I do because I love my DH. He only has real contact because he loves his DF. I have never stopped our DC seeing her but she is not a very nice person at all. Such a pity as I lost my own DM when I was younger and would have loved a friendly relationship with her but she made it crystal clear she didn't like me from the moment we married (not so much beforehand funnily enough). It has been incredibly tough because of her at times but things are always better with the least contact possible (we live near eachother btw).

I hope things get better for you (and everyone else on this thread). I fear though that personality transplants will have to become a reality to sort out our problems!