The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Kicking The Wicked Wine Witch Where It Hurts! Mwahahahahahahaha!

[Mouseface]

Hey, I'm Mouse, welcome to the Bus (aka Gerald!)

We're a mixed bunch of folk, some have been here for a while, and of course we have some new additions too. It matters not one jot how long you travel with us, as long as you get something from it.

No matter your story, your needs, your fears and hopes, you CAN come on here and talk. You can cry, scream, rant, let it all out and not be judged for anything. Ever.

We've all been so very low, some have hit the very bottom of the rock, rubbed the bruising better and picked ourselves back up again but sometimes, you need a helping hand or someone to listen too.....which is why we're here, sharing our experiences, or just reading each other's and nodding as we click along.....

The support here is unconditional. :)

There are two banners down each side of Gerald, our super duper Bus saying -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

We have lots of food on board, but mainly Opal fruits!!! They tend to be anything other than green, as they get snapped up vair fast indeed!

If you would like to know a bit more about how we got to where we are today, you can read these threads.

THE PREVIOUS THREAD

THE START OF THE JOURNEY

Hope to see you soon :) x

Faire I absolutely loved the clip of Spirit the dog, fair made me smile what a lovely thing to do, and what a lovely way to remember someone. Oooh ra-ra skirts! I had a linen peach one (classy). I still have it. It still fits! it fastens round one of my thighs! Go me! Oh wait...'sake. xx

hope how do lovely lass? Think I will download Gone Girl for t'awd kindle. I have a few reads on the go, so might not get to it straightaway. Everyone has said the book beats the film hands down. I like to read a book before watching the film. xx

70 shite almighty, ye threw me for a loop there...what do hoods wear? In my mind I'm thinking low slung jeans, a gold filling or two, a bit of stubble (legs - check, armpits - check, upper lip - check ) and d'ye think I'd get off with me leopardskin Converse? BTW the sleep thing will get better lovey, I have started leaving my uniform, knickers etc outside of my bedroom. I used to lay them out ready, but for some reason I found it difficult to switch off having something associated with work staring me in the face. My bedroom is a quiet place. It helps. xx

venus your Monday mantra helped me A Lot, xx

baby how are you doing my darling? I am missing the dusty, warm smell of horse and hay, it's flattened me not being able to ride. You are like a rainbow to me, baby, or a beautiful, warm, rosy sunrise. You my dear, are colour personified. If your evenings are colourless it's only because you are outshining them with your aura. Word. xx

joey fit like, quine? I read your wee let things go list. I am so with you there. I never used to leave the house anything less than immaculate. I'm ashamed of how far I've let myself slip. I've even stopped my dress up Saturdays. My handbags are crying. The poor darling things have been tossed aside for a hemp man sack. shiting close to carry round a wee hairy real man sack but that's another story Your pal's whirlwind romance made me think of my dear old man pal who died a wee while ago. He met and married his beloved within the same time frame, I've never seen a couple more in tune, they loved each other for 55 years, that love at the end was as strong as the first day. It gives me hope. Wishing your friend the same happy, xx

marfisa, how are you sweetpea? Did you get your research on the go? Oh god, that Mary Oliver quote, I wept and wept when I read that. I was down at Gentle's river walk, singing a bit of my Bettye Swann song (thank you spanna it's my favourite) when you posted. My whirling thoughts always include 'Is this it? Is this my life?' And the fucking awful thing is, I have been instrumental in keeping my life in stasis, I can't move on until I let go. Of him, of past regrets, of my need/want for alcohol, of my excuses. It's like they're all on extending leads, sometimes they're so close, sometimes they're at the very end of the reel then snap! I panic and wheek one or more right back to arm's reach again.

Right, I'm going to post this before I lose it. Love and bosies to each and every one. Great big bosies. You've kept me going these last couple of days, sorry I haven't been around. xxx

Forgot the xx's marfisa. (((((((((((((fat forgot the kiss bosie)))))))))))))

I went round there on Sunday night. He misjudged his strength a bit my fat arse he did and shoved me into a shelf. He insisted it was an accident, but as I was sobbing into his chest, I glanced up and saw him casually and without concern of any sort, watching the X factor over my shoulder. Not bothered in the slightest. He fell asleep leaving me shocked and scared. It came from nowhere, no row beforehand, nothing.

The shelf caught me beautifully in a line from eye socket to earlobe. I have a fractured orbit, so a nice black eye, matching blue cheek and a perforated eardrum. He didn't ask how I was when he called on Monday and Tuesday, and he didn't even bother calling at all tonight. He gets paid on Thursday, said he has managed to get most of my money.

It's over. I will have full back up at the house on Thursday. Will take whatever money he offers and that will be that. I'm fecked if I'm just going to forget about it, he'll buy the telly and beer with it.

Not before I do sunshine. And not for you. For me. But I'll go to Jo Malone and skip the beer. And I'll be getting Pomegranate Noir. Strong enough to remove the smell of you from my nostrils.

I'm hurting lovely ladies, and I won't lie, I've shed a few tears these last few days. But I'm okay, honest. I'll be just fine. I have Little, and I have you lovely lot, what more could I want? xx

Jesus fucking christ Wry! What an absolute fucking bastard! I'm so sorry.

When you say 'misjudged his strength', do you mean he shoved you deliberately?

OMG wry. That is utterly horrific. I'm so, so sorry. {{{{{{{{{{{wry}}}}}}}}}}

I wish you would report that bastard to the police for assault. Fractured orbit and perforated eardrum?

I'm SO glad you're calling it quits. I knew he was a cocklodger (even though he doesn't technically live with you!) but what you recount makes him sound like a psychopath. Frankly, I'm scared on your behalf.

I wish you strength. Is it tomorrow he's supposed to bring you the money?

Getting rid of this bastard will be the best thing you ever did.

He is so not worth your tears.

wry he assaulted you?! Hope you took some photos, in case you need any evidence?

I think you should report him too, but if you don't at least you have proof of what he's capable of. Did your colleagues patch you up?

baby, I'm sorry you're finding sobriety a bit of a slog. After all you've been through and the enormous effort you've made, you deserve some joy, real joy.

My DC are my world too but I think I would go mad as a SAHM, though I know some women thrive on it (and men too). Sorry, that's not very helpful.

There's a little AA book called Living Sober that was recommended to me when I first joined. It's basically practical tips to help you get used to, well, living sober, once you've managed to stop drinking. I've read it and reread it - it's surprisingly helpful and different suggestions in it appeal to me more at different times.

Still going to AA meetings and hearing a million different 'shares' (stories about how people got sober and stayed sober) and I have heard a lot of people say that their lives dramatically improved one year into sobriety, or two years into sobriety... you get the idea. That sounds depressingly far away but it does reassure me to think that you don't feel the benefits of sobriety all at once. I'm still not doing lots of things that I want to be doing and hope to do. But at least by getting sober I feel I've laid the groundwork or created the possibility of doing those things.

Ooh joey, I was thinking of trying out some new makeup too. I'm 42 and I've never worn eye makeup before (I'm afraid my attitude toward makeup still harks back to spotty adolescent me, trying to cover up acne scars, rather than using makeup to accentuate positive features!). But my eyes look so hollow and, well, old that I was thinking of trying a subtle eyeliner and mascara. Recommendations for a good eyeliner, anyone?? I have quite pale skin and dark red hair (courtesy of Loreal!).

I loved your post venus.

Aw gee wry, don't think anyone has ever called me sweetpea before. No, I still haven't tackled the research. I have started to make weekly lists and have managed to do loads of large and small tasks that I was putting off for ages, but I'm still circling around the biggest things - the things that cause me the most anxiety. The paradox is, I really love the research once I become immersed in it, I just get overwhelmed and crippled by anxiety and perfectionism and can't make myself get going. I have been trying to turn my doctoral thesis into a book for, let's see, 15 years now? A project that I loved, and now I'm so tired of it. And believe me, in academia, no successful academic ever takes 15 years to publish their thesis. It's amazing I've managed to stay gainfully employed in my profession, really. I've done articles, but no book, and in my field, the book is de rigueur. So I feel like a failure. But I'm trying to move out of that mode of thought, because all it did was help turn me into an alcoholic.

Don't be hard on yourself, wry. Loving someone who doesn't deserve it is hardly a crime. But please - let him go now! Hell, if you get shot of him, you might find that ignoring the WW becomes massively easier. xxx

And yeah, if you log the incident with the police, he can still claim it was an 'accident', but there will be a record in case - heaven forbid - he pulls a stunt like this again in future. His callous disregard for your suffering seems to point to the incident NOT being an accident.

Aww lovely Crabby, Joey and Marfisa, I'm fine. Embarrassed for having to go into work like that and not being able to explain why it had happened... I don't understand why he shoved me, but I wasn't expecting it and it just caught me so unawares I'd hit the shelf without even having time to put my arm in front of my face.

I thought I must have annoyed him in some way, but now I just think he was maybe trying another level for size. Explaining it away as an accident was the strangest thing, and the non concern as I was sobbing cleared the rest of the trees for me. No bulldozers needed. Anyone in a normal relationship would be frantic with worry, checking the injured party was okay both sincerely and regularly. But nothing. This is what's confusing me, does he really see it as nothing to be concerned about? Was it really an accident? Was the asking for money a way of just seeing if he could? He seems to have gathered it together remarkably quickly. Was the whole thing just about control? I may be down, but I'm not out. I can't and I won't put up with that.

So many questions, but small mercies, I am not finding the answers at the bottom of a bottle.

No surgical repair needed, minor fracture thankfully, unless they fix pride on the NHS it should heal fine, and now the swelling is going down a tiny bit I feel better. Lovely colleagues, antibiotics and cold packs on tap. My eardrum will take a few weeks but I consider myself lucky. Could have been worse. My friend took photographs, just in case.

marfisa You are no failure, far from it! You are getting there! Thanks to your weekly lists you've managed to clear tasks, large and small. No mean feat after everything you've been through.

Can the bigger things be broken down into manageable chunks? Your weekly lists sound like they are the way forward, take it a page at a time. They continue to employ you because they see what we see, a valued member of the team, with kindness, intelligence and so much potential oozing from her pores. You've only let them see the tip of the iceberg and they are obviously chuffed just to have that. Imagine the day when your book is completed. You will be soaring. xx

Wry Hooe you at ok - what a t@@t

Day 11 - having blood tests on Monday - gulp - hope all ok !

He is an abusive shit wry. I'm so glad you're getting out of there. Accident my arse. As for annoying him - well, just imagine if one of your friends told you her partner had pushed her into a shelf and fractured her eyesocket without showing any remorse. You wouldn't say she must have provoked him - you'd go ballistic. What a c*nt.

Good luck today getting your money and your stuff

I've been thinking about this 'new sober life' stuff as well. Life doesn't magically get better when you stop drinking. It gets a lot less horrible, because you cut out all the guilt and self-loathing, but it doesn't give you The Perfect Life. But since I've been sober I've been able to see my life for what it is (not too bad at all, but could do with a bit of rejuvenating) and I'm actually acting on that. I'm going out of my way to meet new people and make new friends, because I can see I'm a bit isolated. Before, I would have just stayed in my booze cocoon, because I could always retreat there if I felt dissatisfied. Kind of like taking a painkiller for your sore knees rather than, y'know, losing some weight.

Phrase: 9 weeks 6 days preggers, 44 days AF

saw this on onother thread and thought of you scots here so thought I would share.

wry how are you this morning? btw if WB had hurt a friend of yours, or God forbid your dear dog, would you have been searching for reasons 'why'? Tried to understand what 'provoked' him?

Or would you just kick him in the balls and tell him to never touch a hair on Little's furry wee body again?

Am so glad your friend took a photo. Maybe you could show that to your dad next time he considers lending WB some money. He sounds like he was testing you. See where your boundaries were. An accidental shove. Holding on a bit too firmly. Not realising his own strength. Step on the dog by mistake. What a total dick.

I keep reading your post in shock. A perforated eardrum ! FFS What did your nurse say? Did you tell them the truth?

Does your dad know that he's giving money (never to be seen again, for sure) to an absolute BASTARD.

Are you going to tell WB? or just let things go quiet?

wry! What the actual fuck? He HURT you? He hurt our wry?
Slaps blue light on bus, breaks out the body armour and limbers up Barrie and Spirit. Strap yourselves in babes, we've got a wankbadger to rip the balls off!
wry I am beyond furious for you. Have you changed the locks? Don't let that heartless cunt anywhere near you ever again do you hear?

wry this is a man who is angry - a man who is hurting and foul and malicious. Now he is angry with you - you are not acquiescing to his demands for money or a new tv, or maybe for contact and sex. For goodness sake wry you are an intelligent woman - take an objective look at this and see the danger, and please do not ever let yourself be vulnerable and alone with him. Ever. Again. EVER have you got that?

OK, so he owes you money - you may get that on Thursday, or you may not. But at the end of the day you need to free yourself from him. Read that: FREE yourself; free, free, free, free, free, free, free - imagine how great that will be...

I hope you are safe, and supported, and I hope that you can step forward...

cause yeah, it's so easy to 'accidentally' perforate someone's eardrum

and everything venus said

and you know there are some great guys out there, you deserve SO much better! I've been told that the 7.45 Aberdeen to Edinburgh is just hoochin' with hot young men, some of whom even propose before the train has passed Stonehaven. (although the 6-weeks and it's head-over-heels guy isn't really young, apparently he says he's 49 I bet he's pushing 60 )

Are you safe now wry ?

Oh our lovely lovely wry I wish I could jump inside my phone and magically appear Infront of you and squeeze you tight!!

Reading your almost casual post telling us of this dusgusting act tells me you are ABUSED, physically and mentally. You have normalised his callous and cruel behaviour because this is a crime of violence, he is a brute, a dangerous brute, if this is first attempt to inflict physical pain, what will be next, where would it end?

These questions make me shudder with fear for you. Please please please tell the police, get a restraining order, they never hit you just once, he hadnt even acknowledged this unforgivable behaviour, he sounds like a frigging lunatic. Please be safe, I've actually cried with rage for you.

Get away from him forever, I'm so worried for you, we love you soooo much, we can't imagine anyone wishing you harm, he is nuts.

You must be in so much pain, I want to kill this man

Xxx

Wry???!!!!! I can't believe what I am reading. So horrified and angry for you. That bloody awful pathetic wankbadger of a ... well, I can't even say 'man' really, bloody vile creature

I could rip his bloody ears off, I am Furious! How dare he treat you like that?

Good on you for taking photographs. How did it go tonight darling? Did you have your support team there, and did he come round? Did you get your money back? Not that money is as important as you being safe, but I would have been tempted to report him to the police and mention the money at the same time.

God knows, I hardly have a good relationship myself, but he is the absolute pits. You are well rid of him, you and Little Lab. I hope you are safe now and I wish a dozen deadly plagues on him, the freeloading, violent piece of crap.

I hope he knows how dangerous a bus of demented babes can be, because if he goes near you again we will be lashing him to the bumper and dragging him along the motorway at 100mph

Please check in and let us know how you are. Massive, massive bosies to you (((((((((((((((((((((((((Wry)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Hello folks, how are you all?

Thank you for the incredibly kind, supportive and arse kicking posts, all instrumental in giving me strength. You're right baby I've been normalising his behaviour for some time, he's scared me a few times but this is the first and last time he will get near enough to physically hurt me. I promise. I'm fine, really I am, a bit numb, a bit teary, but I'm okay.

I've been chipped away at for a while, one way or another. The lack of affection, the withholding of sex, the cold shoulders, the sulking, the constant blame he laid at everyone else's feet for perceived slights or done me wrongs. No more. My "One Day I Will" was today, ma. Just done it. Weirdly easy. Took the money, and told him to go. It wasn't the longest of conversations, I simply said that any love I had for him had died on Sunday night and it's something I would never forgive.

I really don't think he gave a shit. He just said "Well, if that's what you want, you sound like you've made your mind up so there's no point in me saying anything". I stood there on the step and said no, there wasn't. I asked him to bin the things I left at his, I packed everything I couldn't live without when he fell asleep on Sunday. I would have let him wheedle me round at that point in the past. He roared off all wheelspinny like a slighted teenager which simply reinforced the fact that I've done the right thing.

joey you gave me my flashpoint by saying that he could turn his anger on Little. To hurt me was bad enough, and I know I'm questioning everything now, but hopefully in a few days/weeks I'll be purple with rage that he dared to feckin hurt me after I've done nothing but be me. I love Little to bits, and if he "accidently" hurt her, I would never forgive myself for allowing it to happen.

I don't think he would come back though. His MO is to wait for me to chase so he wouldn't lower himself. His ego wouldn't allow it. I'm safe, I promise, and although I'm upset at losing what could have been, I know things have been bad for a good while.

My family and friends came round for moral support tonight, my best pal came to the door with me. WB knows my close circle of friends include one or two of the force's finest, he used to hate me going out with them. My pal is going to stay for a few days, I think she's worried that I will try and blot this out over the weekend, but you know what? I don't want to anyway. This is something I need to feel.

venus I'm free, and stepping forward. I'm a bit disappointed in myself that it's taken a few days, but it's done. He won't ever get another chance. As I've said, if it had been a genuine accident, the aftermath would have been different.

phrase oh sweetheart, you're almost on week 10, 15 mins to go, bless your wee bump.

ma today I did. One day you will, xx

Thank you again Brave Babes, you have quietly bolstered me up since I've been travelling, I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you for letting me be me, happy me, selfish me, whiny me, childish me, angry me, weak me, strong me, just me. And Gentle? You are there when I close my eyes, I see you. And I'll keep singing on your walkies. Promise.

Thank you. xx

hope lovely hope, sorry sweetheart, it took me an age to write that post, so I missed yours, I got just over 3/4 of the money back, but I have no interest in chasing for the rest.

He can have it, worth every penny not to see him on my step again. I'm at the thought of him lashed to the bumper. I can see him now - attempting to correct/criticise everyone's driving. I reckon soc could pop a wheelie in Gerald if she really tried.

Gravel rash on his nethers would fettle him, I reckon.

I'm off to bed now, I'm kinda done, so should sleep, I'll check in tomorrow after work, sweet dreams everyone, xxx

Aw, lovely Wry, well done you! Woke up and had to check how you were and I am so proud of you.

I will drive today, and am off to find some gravel paths and cobblestones to give that bastard on the bumper the roughest ride possible

for you darling Wry. And a few doggie treats for loyal Little .

Also, what kind is smiley is this???