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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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today my husband was arrested

111 replies

inadarkplace · 13/10/2014 20:29

for sexually assaulting my dd she apparently mentioned it to a friend was overheard by someone else who threatened her saying she would tell everyone so she told the first i heard was when they came over and i was on the phone to the police because she hadn't got home yet im obliterated we have two sons together and my dd is from a prev relationship we were having problems but we were getting better i thought things were going to be okay i mean we were trying to make it work he has just rang me from the police station crying his eyes out ive had to tell him he cant see the boys he said tell them all i love them i had to tell him i can't pass on messages either he is telling me she made it up as they have not been getting along lately (true) she is telling me it happened and he said he would kill us all if she told im so upset and confused im totally sticking by my kids but i still love my husband and miss him terribly how can i love him if he has done this i assumed if something like this happened to someone they would stop loving them but all i feel is pain terrible pain

part of me thinks what if she is lying the other part of me wants to kill him for touching my daughter

im in hell

OP posts:
inadarkplace · 17/10/2014 13:02

she had her exam today im giving my statement on monday now (it was supposed to be today) dd has gone to her friends house for a couple of hours im glad to be honest i keep feeling the need to QUESTION her and i cant im so tired i will be better with some sleep but my eldest son cannot sleep and stayed awake late last night then the baby woke early (something is disturbing him at 2.30/3am every morning) which woke his brother up so he then KEPT us up all night long baby is now sleeping i might take a nap....

OP posts:
Oblomov · 17/10/2014 13:46

oh dear. poor you. you must try and get some more sleep, else you won't be able to cope

outofcontrol2014 · 17/10/2014 14:21

OP, you're doing GREAT in impossible, awful circumstances. You must be hurting so much, but you've got your priorities right in supporting your daughter.

This happened in my family many decades ago (not to me, but trying to find a way of describing it that doesn't reveal too much). A step-father abused his step-daughter. The mother has never properly acknowledged the colossal problems and pain it caused her daughter, and simply thinks the man in question was a little bit of a 'naughty boy' (yep, that's a quote). She still seems to think of the situation as herself and her daughter competing for his affections, and of her daughter as taking her husband away from her. The stepdaughter understandably cannot cope at all with her mother's dismissive attitude, and it has led to a family rift for some thirty odd years.

Keep your focus on the wrong he has done. He is the bad guy in this situation. And please keep supporting your daughter.

handfulofcottonbuds · 17/10/2014 14:40

It must have been awful for your DD going through that examination, although I do know that it is dealt with in a sensitive way.

Where is your husband OP? Is he still in custody?

inadarkplace · 17/10/2014 17:34

no he was released on bail the same night he is unable to come home and not allowed to contact the children he will get some supervised visits with the boys soon most likely

its going to take months to investigate so i will know where i am in a few months the whole problem is she has mental health issues so even though i absolutely believe and support her there is a small element of doubt there is a slight (slight) possibility he is innocent if he is guilty i will never forgive him if she is guilty (and lied) i will still forgive and support her im trying to get her therapy again she is in her happy bubble at the moment i am watching her closely and waiting for it to burst

i didnt get any sleep this afternoon the bloody phone rang and the baby started talking in his sleep Hmm by the time i felt sleepy it was time to pick ds up from school i feel like ive got a ton of grit in my eyes today fingers crossed my eldest son goes to sleep tonight

OP posts:
inadarkplace · 17/10/2014 17:35

im up to two meals and i even had a snack today no tears so far to busy being brave/supportive mom to feel sorry for myself

OP posts:
Adarajames · 17/10/2014 20:48

You're doing so well in such an awful situation. I hope you manage to get some more sleep tonight, nap when the little ones do if it means you get a bit more rest, and well done on the eating x

inadarkplace · 18/10/2014 02:17

now i have toothache.................bugger

OP posts:
FoxgloveFairy · 18/10/2014 02:23

No great insights here. I am so sorry that this has happened. It must be heart breaking. Flowers

inadarkplace · 18/10/2014 16:12

it is either way i've lost something if he has lied i've lost the man i thought i knew and loved for years if she has lied i have lost the trust we have with each other

i'm clearing the house out today the photos of us together are gone his clothing is packed and stuffed up the loft today i'm sorting his tools out and separating them from mine this is all really happening isn't it Sad

OP posts:
fifi669 · 20/10/2014 17:13

How are you today OP?

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