today my husband was arrested

[inadarkplace]

for sexually assaulting my dd she apparently mentioned it to a friend was overheard by someone else who threatened her saying she would tell everyone so she told the first i heard was when they came over and i was on the phone to the police because she hadn't got home yet im obliterated we have two sons together and my dd is from a prev relationship we were having problems but we were getting better i thought things were going to be okay i mean we were trying to make it work he has just rang me from the police station crying his eyes out ive had to tell him he cant see the boys he said tell them all i love them i had to tell him i can't pass on messages either he is telling me she made it up as they have not been getting along lately (true) she is telling me it happened and he said he would kill us all if she told im so upset and confused im totally sticking by my kids but i still love my husband and miss him terribly how can i love him if he has done this i assumed if something like this happened to someone they would stop loving them but all i feel is pain terrible pain

part of me thinks what if she is lying the other part of me wants to kill him for touching my daughter

im in hell

handfulofcottonbuds, I always felt as my dd was growing up that as sometimes it is just impossible to protect our children from abuse, there should be more advice about what to do when we find out they have been abused. I agree with what you say here, could you give any more advice?

OP, I think it is very important for your dd that you believe her.

Sadly, children are often exposed to sexual references and observations from a young age these days. Where there is an allegation of abuse and certainly in the environment of an OP asking for advice on a public, online forum, I do believe it is best to let the police and safeguarding team do their job and not hamper that in any way.

As parents, we care obviously but by questioning a child ourselves, we could put words in their mouth and that would be damaging to any investigation.

I'm not in a place to offer specific advice on here I'm afraid. All we can do is teach our children what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour and hope that our relationship with our children is open enough for them to trust us and tell us when something is wrong.

The most important thing IMO is to show them they are protected and believed. The police will do the rest.

Did somebody really say that the way to find out if an allegation of sexual abuse against a child is true is for the adult sexual partner of the accused to compare his technique ?

Lucy I am sure you consider me to be a stalky thorn in your side, but I am struck that virtually every time I see one of your posts it consists of genuinely shocking and potentially damaging "advice"

I called you a rape apologist on another thread, but you are much more than that, I think

poor you Op what an awful situation. Of course you want to support your child but also love your husband. For all those who have already tried and sentenced him, can there really be ANYTHING worse than being accused of such a hideous crime when innocent ? but how do you prove your innocence ? I feel for you all. My next door but one neighbour was accused of this by his step daughter, she was 14.( A lot of issues with her own father - anger displacement ) Step dad proved to be blameless. but not before he had a stroke from the stress.. It does happen that teenagers lie and it does happen that adults can be unimaginably vile...

Of course teenagers lie as do people in general, but as a parent you need to stand by your daughter on this one, particularly as she has already suffered because of your mothers boyfriend.

OP you said "i mean he doesn't even like picking her up from school when its raining fgs the last few months ive had to fight for him to do anything for her he seems to not like her at all"

Abusers don't like their victims, that's the whole point.

Also, Lucylloyd13's advice is absolutely terrible, don't do that.

I reported Lucy's post. I hope it gets deleted as I am appalled at the damage that could do if somebody vulnerable thought it was normal to question a child in this way.

I know teenagers can lie and it is horrible for the innocent victim of an accusation like this, but what choice does the OP have? Her first loyalty is to her dd and, if her dd is lying, then she is a child with serious problems that will not be helped by being automatically assumed to be a liar by her DM.

Utterly gob smacked by lucylloyds post. Reported.

OP, am so sorry this is happening. It is paramount that your dd knows you are standing by her.

Lucy you shouldn't be allowed to bloody dish out that sort of "advice" it's completely wrong!!!

Stay strong OP. Thinking of you and your daughter.

Am failing to see why lucy's disgusting post is still there.

AF I suspect because dishing out god awful damaging advice isn't breaking the guidelines :(

I have no email reply to my report. I am hopeful HQ have just been too busy to get around to it. It's been a strange day on here today.

I bet if I called lucy a fucking arsehole the delete hammer would be swung quicker than wotsit

I have been a member on MN for the best part of 10 years, and nothing has shocked me more than Lucy's post!

MN - why no deletion??

Op - listen to your DD, hug her, tell her you believe her and do what you are doing in regards to NC with your H.

Hugs to you all in this horrific situation

What a good thing you didn't say it, then

it sure is

Apols, it has gone now.
And a link to we believe you
Sorry to be late.

Thank you kindly, Olivia xx

and some extra xx to divert your attention away from < ahem > some other posts on this thread (whistles dixie)

Thanks Olivia

Olivia I may have mentioned this about a million times but it's good to have you back :) Are you back on the Gin yet??

Excellent news, Olive

well she did her video report yesterday she seems okay the boys are struggling my 5 year old is massively upset my one year old is just confused if the five year old mentions daddy he searches the house and checks outside for his car ive taken all the pictures down of him and his parents collected some of his things yesterday

i ate a yoghurt and a piece of toast yesterday im hoping to improve today hopefully i won't cry as much as my five year old is off ill its easier when there is someone else here even if they are five its a distraction

Eat little bits when you can, bananas are good and so are yoghurts.

How is your daughter?

I've replied to your pm. Glad you are managing to eat something.
Toast, biscuits, apples....things that are quite light are good.