Does your partner give you sufficient emotional support?

[StepDoor]

Does your partner give you sufficient emotional support?

Yes/No will suffice

Yes, always. We've been together since university, and in the first few years I had to learn how to tell him I needed support, and he had to learn that I needed support, not a solution straight away. I know I can always rely on him.

Yes, he's my rock. I couldn't imagine sharing my life with someone who wasn't emotionally supportive.

No.

Dh is bloody useless with emotional support. I tend to bottle stuff up a lot, and I'm like a volcano, bubbling away, and about to explode. The problem with exploding, is I may say something I might regret.

There has been many situations, where I needed support, and well, he's been very matter of fact about everything. Bit like when df broke his hip in June, and didn't contact me for 24hours. I thought he was up North, when in fact he was local, and hadn't bothered telling me. He didn't even enquire about df. He's still in hospital, and has only visited him the once

Yes and I hope he would say the same.

Yes, he can really do my head in at times, but when there has been shit kicking off he was my rock, he's very laid back and I wish some would rub off onto me

No...

What's emotional support?

No not at all. Due to this I have stopped telling him anything of any importance but it makes me very sad.

One instance I can think of is when I got recalled for a second mammogram (which showed that the 1st mammogram had been distorted and that there was nothing wrong). I must have mentioned it to him once but otherwise did not bring up the subject again nor did he ask. On the day itself I asked my friend to go with me. H is very detached in general.

And I was worried about it in the two weeks before the mammogram but did not speak to him about it as there was no point.

No. He has no interest in my life or emotional well being at all.

No. I don't really get emotional support from anyone.

Yes, I recently completed breast cancer treatment and he was a rock all the way through it. We don't talk about emotional stuff lots, but I know I can rely on him.

texting that is very sad.

No

But that's because he has an urge to "solve" what bothers me rather than "understand" me.

Yes

NO, not at all.

I have realised that the parenting he received was so inadequate that he is quite unable to behave other than as a 3 year old 'me centered' toddler.

Had I known this (and known of his unwillingness to really look at himself instead of going: '"waah! she stole my toy! Waa" all the time)
then I would not have married him.

My children I cannot regret as they are fab and they are 50% him, but I would have chosen very differently.

I thought yours was sad too zippy. I also feel that my h has no interest in my life. The strange thing about the whole mammogram incident is that I think he has very little concept of there being another way of being. He is very matter of fact about his own dificult stuff so consequently about everyone else's too.

I sometimes think that the day that I have to deal with something very difficult will be the day I finally call time on our non relationship.

texting

Mine is different in that he isn't 'matter of fact' about his own stuff too - that requires endless attention and fussing.

Mind you, it doesn't really matter I suppose as in the end we are left 'alone' with our own needs by these men.

No. He doesn't really give practical support either. Whenever I've had health scares he has been completely dismissive. He says it's because he knows I'll ultimately be fine but really it's because he can't bear to have any conversations that aren't about him.

winnie - that rings bells here too

I know it is because as a child he didn't receive enough nurture (emotionally or practically) but it makes it no less of a nightmare to live with now.

Mind yy I know that's the reason with DH too but I think I'm reaching the end of the road with it. I won't ever be able to give enough to make up for his childhood and in the meantime it's completely draining me. I also worry that it is setting our DC up to be the next generation of self-obsessed, emotionally unavailable men.

Yy BookABoo

'Understanding' it and being able / willing to live with it are two diff things certainly.

I don't want to be his emotional crutch / counsellor forever.

We all go through rough patches where we are not as available emotionally to our partners to offer support if they need it but my H is stuck permanently in toddler mode as he never had the wherewithal to move on from that. He is also angry as he gets me mixed up with his 'bad mother' and that is very wearing indeed.

Yes but I do often have to tell him when and what I need.

Yes. He's amazing, been through a lot together.

He's not always great at it. He does the whole wanting to fix it thing when I just want to talk.

I usually tell him what I want from him now.

He always tries his best so it doesn't cause any issues.