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Original poster

Had suspicions for a while, is this Voyeurism?

115 replies

Herewegoagain2014 · 05/10/2014 13:50

Bit of background me and my hd have been together 11years married for 9. We have a DS together.
My DH has never been I to porn as such but sometimes looks at strange pics but not porn.
For years now I've occasionally come across very odd google searches but never really understood what it was about.

We have just come back from a 2week holiday and really reconnected after a few rocky years.

We recently bought a MacBook and my DS and DH share the Apple ID.
My DS called me in to change his screen saver and the PC just went into photosteam and I'm sickened.
I sent DS away so I could see what these pics were and on our holidays when we was so say reading on his ipad there are tonnes of pics of women bending over, them lying down on sun loungers with pics up there skirts. There is about 50odd pics of all diff women.

What the hell do I do? This is not a isolated incident as last year I found loads of downloaded pics and videos on our shared PC and after doing some digging he was getting round the Internet filter by using searches of "ups" clearly "up skirt" pics. After confronting last year I made it clear if this ever happened again he was out!

What the hell do I do? Is it me am I a prude or is this behavior or him not at all on?

I could do with advise if I should confront him or not?

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
PillForgettingIdiot · 05/10/2014 13:55

I don't know what to do, but you are not a prude. This man is a pervert.

borisgudanov · 05/10/2014 13:58

Dunno if it's voyrurism but it's definitely a perverted twat. Sorry.

HumblePieMonster · 05/10/2014 14:03

its a bit weird. if he just got off on the idea of looking up women's skirts, I wouldn't find that too bad, perhaps, but collecting images? urgh.

so what is it? I'm not saying you can answer that, I'm just wondering. is it a little thrill, like I'd have a heart-warming moment looking at a pic of willie nelson's smile, yogi cameron's abs, (come to think of it, I do store some pics so perhaps I'm not so different), or is it a perversion, or is it an indication that if you dig deeper you'll find something worse?

I wouldn't confront him yet. I'd dig. watch, listen, record. then think and decide. then confront if you need to.

PillForgettingIdiot · 05/10/2014 14:05

Its just so violating. I'd feel horrendously uneasy if I were one of the women in the photographs, or if someone had pictures of up my daughter's skirt.

PillForgettingIdiot · 05/10/2014 14:06

Shows a complete lack of respect for women.

TooMuchCantBreath · 05/10/2014 14:07

The rights and wrongs of taking pics of people in public is debatable I suppose but leaving the pics so they can be viewed by a child is not. I'm not sure if the police/social services would count it as porn or not but allowing a child to be exposed to porn is an offence. It is child abuse. If they consider it pornographic and you know your child is being exposed you would be considered complicit in that abuse if you don't do something about it Personally I'd be considering calling the nspcc (anonymously if it helps) for some proper advice and packing his bags in the mean time.

Of course all of that ignores the absolute lack of respect he is showing for you which would be a bag packing offence all by itself in this house.

Twinklestein · 05/10/2014 14:08

Is he taking the pics or collating them from the net?

Pervy and revolting either way...

nethunsreject · 05/10/2014 14:13

Taking photos of women without their permission is NOT ok. Seriously.

Original poster
Herewegoagain2014 · 05/10/2014 14:17

Twinkle - it's a bit of both, the images I saw this morning were off our holiday. I recognise the pool and most of them are quite hazy where they have been zoomed right in and with the sun there really fuzzy.
The pics I found last year were collated from the net.

I hate to admit this, but this is down to Internet misuse in the past and the fact he has cheated on me once in the past. He has gmail, and I know his log in as I created the email for him. You can view all previous Internet history searched, last year I became suspious and noticed he had been viewing these sort of images at work. Tame versions but simular things on his work PC. He must have logged into his gmail at work and it keeps you logged in.

I've not viewed this history in about a year, it was about this time last year when it hit the fan. So when he is out tomorrow I may well have to look at the history and also search the PC too.

I thought all this had stopped!

Humble - I will take your advise and dig further and see what he is upto.

OP posts:
Comito · 05/10/2014 14:21

You are NOT being a prude. Upskirting is a huge pet hate of mine and if it was my DH I'd be fucking livid. There's no debate about public photography in that context and people have been prosecuted for taking those kind of pictures.

I would definitely confront him. Sorry it happened OP but please don't feel bad, he's in the wrong, not you.

Twinklestein · 05/10/2014 14:26

Aiui, there's no specifc laws about upskirting shots themselves, but it can fall under voyeurism laws, or outraging public decency laws.

He could realistically end up with a charge if he gets caught. Other men have been jailed for persistent upskirt photos/videos.

Original poster
Herewegoagain2014 · 05/10/2014 14:30

Comito - thanks for your post. I know deep down I will have to confront him at some point. But I've snooped in the past, with good reason too. And I said to myself I wouldn't go there again as I hated what I became. And if I'm going to confront him I want to know what else has he been viewing.

And then he will know I snooped if there are other things I need to bring up.

I need to look at my finances and get my ducks in a row I think!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 05/10/2014 14:43

What do you do ?

You put him out, like you said you would if he did something like this again

What possible other course of action were you considering ?

AnyFucker · 05/10/2014 14:47

If he has been tinkering with these images at work, he will get sacked sooner rather than later

So he risks his livelihood as well as his marriage

Original poster
Herewegoagain2014 · 05/10/2014 14:55

Anyfucker - he was pulled up for it at work, but he got away with it. As he cunning and searches terms that are innocent. For eg "ups" they use ups so he got out of that. After he was pulled up at work it stooped! Then he got a new job, but they can have access to Internet but they don't have a PC and there history gets checked in front of them.

I know I have to end it, sooner rather than later. But for me it's embarrassing, how the hell do you explain that to friends family?

OP posts:
Twinklestein · 05/10/2014 15:01

I would just explain that he turned out to be a perv and you're leaving him. There's no shame in that, he's the one who should be embarrassed.

Vivacia · 05/10/2014 15:06

I would say that he you discovered he was in to behaviour that you're not able to tolerate and that you can't talk about any more than that.

StickEm · 05/10/2014 15:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/10/2014 15:18

You've already stated this is not an isolated incident and now you had found this again you have to act on your own promise made to yourself to get him out.

He would likely be prosecuted for possessing such images and the women concerned would certainly and rightly feel violated. I think that actually trumps your own embarrassed feelings and friends/family should side with you. It is not your fault your H has acted in the ways he has done and he is responsible for his own actions.

Would you be prepared to report him to the police?. What if your son had actually seen these images?.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/10/2014 15:21

Such behaviour does not stop (it was naïve of you to think otherwise) and this behaviour of his likely started in his mid teens.

Guiltypleasures001 · 05/10/2014 15:22

He's cheated on you previously, he's had these sorts of pics before.

He's goes on holiday and spends his time violating women and possibly girls around the pool area and resort, taking intimate pictures. He then up loads them on to a family devise including being shared by your son, and your not sure what to do op?

I know your in shock but I'm still waiting for the list of his good points. I hope it doesn't in luxe great father and we have fun most of the time.

I think he could get arrested for this, he has no boundaries and doesn't respect the women he has violated, let's not forget he has very nearly exposed your child to this as well.

Now it's a child protection issue so what are you going to do about this? This is not your embarrassment to feel or your shame to cope with, this is a fuck up of major proportions on his part and you dont want to look like your protecting him because of exposing your family to scrutiny. He needs to be gone and permanently, I bet this is the top of the iceberg.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 05/10/2014 15:26

"How the hell do you explain that to friends family?"

"He over-stepped previously agreed boundaries." You don't need to go into any further details if you don't want to. He's the transgressor, not you, so he's the one who should be ashamed and embarrassed, not anyone else.

What he does is pervy and very creepy. You'd have thought that he'd learned his lesson when he got busted for this at work.

It's distressing to discover someone you thought you knew and loved is not what they appeared to be but you warned him before of what the consequences would be if he continued with this weird behaviour.

AnyFucker · 05/10/2014 15:34

You need only share with friends and family what you are comfortable with

Anybody can end a relationship just because they feel like it

Anybody that pumps you for more info you don't want to give is certainly no friend and families are there to support each other

This is his shame, not yours

firesidechat · 05/10/2014 15:34

The rights and wrongs of taking pics of people in public is debatable I suppose but leaving the pics so they can be viewed by a child is not.

I don't think that is debatable at all. Taking pictures of a woman's intimate area, all be it covered in underwear, without their knowledge is definitely immoral and I hope illegal. This isn't a picture of nice people sitting in a park is it?

It is perverted. Fact.

AnyFucker · 05/10/2014 15:36

Op, he's not ever going to stop

You need to accept this and act accordingly

The work thing should have been the close shave he needed to realise how close he is to losing everything, because he certainly doesn't consider your loss of respect for him to be of any consequence at all

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