Had suspicions for a while, is this Voyeurism?

[Herewegoagain2014]

Bit of background me and my hd have been together 11years married for 9. We have a DS together.
My DH has never been I to porn as such but sometimes looks at strange pics but not porn.
For years now I've occasionally come across very odd google searches but never really understood what it was about.

We have just come back from a 2week holiday and really reconnected after a few rocky years.

We recently bought a MacBook and my DS and DH share the Apple ID.
My DS called me in to change his screen saver and the PC just went into photosteam and I'm sickened.
I sent DS away so I could see what these pics were and on our holidays when we was so say reading on his ipad there are tonnes of pics of women bending over, them lying down on sun loungers with pics up there skirts. There is about 50odd pics of all diff women.

What the hell do I do? This is not a isolated incident as last year I found loads of downloaded pics and videos on our shared PC and after doing some digging he was getting round the Internet filter by using searches of "ups" clearly "up skirt" pics. After confronting last year I made it clear if this ever happened again he was out!

What the hell do I do? Is it me am I a prude or is this behavior or him not at all on?

I could do with advise if I should confront him or not?

Thanks in advance

Yeah I think so, if he doesn't take therapy seriously or he doesn't go, then I would report him knowing I had done everything I could.

If he went to prison, which is a distinct possibility in the circumstances, he would likely do a sex offender programme anyway, he might as well do it first in attempt to avoid it.

You know she's not going to report him right? She may not feel comfortable dobbing him in, but she might be persuaded to lean on him to get help.

xpost - excellent news OP.

Are you going to report him? If so you don't need the history, the police will take the pcs and will be able to find all kinds of stuff that he's deleted.

OP, then you have to report him

make this official

you keeping his sleazy secrets is helping no one

Never before have I wanted to high five an op as much as I do now. Kick his sorry arse into the curb and make sure you report him too. Arsehole

Eeew no. Seriously? twinklestein, you would want to continue a marriage with someone that does this? Taking photos of unsuspecting women whilst on a family holiday with you and your DCs? I wouldn't be able to look at the bastard let alone wash his kecks, make him breakfast and there is no way I would want to DTD with him ......ever. Marriage down the pan for me definitely and it is his doing this to the marriage.

Got up early to do some digging and have only got hold of Internet history so can only see google hits ATM... Still got plenty of devices to check.
Seems after our talk last year he left it a month then started up again, lots of it searched during work time including dogging. So yep most likely the tip of the iceberg.

After he's got in trouble at work he started up again around Xmas and not much until quite recently. Every morning when I leave for school he's viewing online films I can't see what but in my heart its gotta be connected to this.

If my gut feeling is right he has been viewing it for upto 20mins then all in 2mins searches lots of the normal sites he would so his browser looks like he hasn't deleted history but he must have been deleting.

I need to search other devises and I need to find out why he's watching so I can present him with everything he's done!

Don't pin your hopes/plans on presenting him with what he's done.

What matters to you is

1 Can you get out/get him out
2 Can you make yourself and dcs financially secure, by whatever means
3 Do you have evidence 'of your concerns' for the police.

Confronting him would be about trying to get him to make it right. It can't be right. Nothing he could say would make it right. If you stay with him you're supporting someone who does things that are very creepy and almost certainly illegal. That wouldn't be a good life for you or your children.

Gather your evidence, make your plan, act.

Why do you need more evidence ?

You are either ok with his extra curricular activities or you are not

Presenting him with stuff is going to make no difference to him. He knows what he has done, and you don't have the half of it

He will laugh up at his sleeve at you

Just walk away with what's left of your self respect intact

Eh? Continue the marriage? Fuck no, I just meant give him a chance to get proper treatment before reporting him to police. He needs to go on a sex offender programme, where they are educated about their offences and the effect on their victims etc.

Basically, I'm not convinced the OP will report him.

OP anything he's hidden or deleted you won't find. He could also be using the dark web. I don't see the point of this, you need police IT experts to trawl his equipment.

If I'm honest, I would probably want more information on when and how often he'd been doing this. But really, what's important is spending your time and emotional energy on preparing to leave and start the next stage in your life.

just meant give him a chance to get proper treatment before reporting him to police
That's not your problem.
Also, forgive me, it wasn't your intention. Your life is intertwined with this man's and it is hard to break free. When you think about giving him help or support, or talking it through, you are adding more chains to bind you to him.
Right now, because of what he's done and what he is, your life is separate from his. Isn't it?

knew I should preview that bold. never mind.

He's not PC smart, he doesn't even know what a private browser is. If he's looked at it, I will find it.
I need this info for myself! I need to know what the shit has been upto!

He's a very cunning prick, he's no doubt got his story already it wasn't me, I didn't do it! I'm gonna make him sweat then he will loose everything if that's possible with the house

Confronting him with evidence is pointless. He knows what he's been up to, and now you do too. Tell him some of the things you know, and tell him to go.

You don't need to show evidence, you are not in a Courtroom - that may come later - roght now you just need to tell him to go to protect yoir ds.

What he is doing is disturbing, disgusting - and illegal.

I'm really sorry for you having to cope with this.

I think your plan to seek legal advice is very smart. Maybe see a therapist/ professional type person too to help you work out how much/little you want to share with others. Just thinking of yours and your child's wellbeing if this got into the ears of gossipers.

I would also argue that confronting him with evidence gathered by you is a pointless exercise. What are you expecting him to say in response to all this evidence gathering, what is your aim here.

Also I would think that admittance to a sex offender programme would not happen at all unless he was himself charged with criminal offences. Voyeurism as well is deeply entrenched behaviour likely going back years and that probably all started when he was in his mid teens.

You already know what he has been up to; your own knowledge of past behaviours goes back some years. He has also cheated on you to boot. Where is your own bottom line?. Why did you stay together at all despite all that on his part?.

You would far better employ such exhaustive time and effort on reporting him to the police and getting him out of your day to day lives.

So sorry you're in this situation, OP, but can only second what PPs are saying: you need to get him out as soon as possible. This is a man who gets his sexual kicks by violating others' boundaries - I'd just advise you to get him as far away from you and your DC as possible.

Also I would think that admittance to a sex offender programme would not happen at all unless he was himself charged with criminal offences.

To get on a state-sponsored programme he would need a current or past conviction. However, some specialist psychologists offer treatment outwith the criminal justice system. Voyeurism is classed as a sexual disorder or 'paraphilia'. It can also be treated on sex addiction programmes.

OP, confronting him will surely lead to him deleting incriminating material and potentially dumping hard drives or devices, why would you want to give him the heads up?

Does anyone know legally if I can just change the locks? As said before its my house he's not paid into it. He doesn't pay or contribute towards any bills just the virgin tv that's in my name? The words doormat come to mind but that's a whole other post!

if you are married and the house is his main place of residence, then no you cannot legally lock him out I am afraid

you could "lose" your keys, get the locks changed and not give him a new key but he would be under no compunction to go along with it

he might go along with it, if he is appropriately ashamed of his behaviour of course

just ask him to leave, take it from there

the best way may be to report him to the police and get a restraining order

not sure if that is possible though if he isn't threatening your physical safety (only your mental and emotional safety....but unfortunately that is less well recognised)

see a solicitor and start divorce proceedings would be my recommendation

Has he uploaded the pictures anywhere? Has he shared them with other likeminded? If he has downloaded stuff in the past, he may have accessed sharing sites and keen to share "his spoils" online. Is there a chance he could have covert pictures of you that he has shared?

Quint, I honestly don't think so. I need to seach a few memory sticks, a portable hard drive and the PC then I should know more.