"Sister wants to end 7 year dispute with me and family" (I thought about name-changing ).

[smokepole]

I know my posts either intrigue people, or annoy the hell out of them and that I could have name changed for a far balanced thread ,but I have not name changed.

Those that are familiar with me , will know that my family and I fell out with my elder sister , for not helping the family financially when able to do so. For those who don't know she refused to lend parents , or me money (but enough of the past).

Sister has asked if the kids DD1, 2 ,DS and me will go with her family skiing at Christmas in the Chalet they have rented in Austria ( fully paid by her).
Last night in a phone call she apologised in a "heart felt way" for not helping me or the family like an eldest daughter or sister should have done.

I have said the kids will be going on the holiday, I am of course in two minds whether to go ( my brother is having none of this change from his sister). The thing is Mum/Dad have been putting pressure on all of us to make up, Mum is 70 Dad is 74 so you can see why they want us to be a "family again".
Sister has even suggested my EX comes along and shares a " room with me" Mum and Dad would quite like it if me and the EX get back together (despite being Divorced for three years) . I just want to scream at my life that goes from mad- madder every week.

I did not need to post this thread (maybe I should not have based on my previous post). However, since I have told my life story on the previous thread, I might as well continue posting threads.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Not being able to afford a private education is NOT desperate circumstances, smokepole! Desperate circumstances is £5 in your purse to last three days to feed a family. Desperate circumstances is having to go to a food bank , or becoming hypothermic because you can't afford to put your heating on even though it is sub-zero outside.

Do you at least accept that it was your sister's absolute right to choose not to hand over her savings and you had NO right to ostracise her and treat her as a pariah for saying No - and that you owe her a massive apology (and she does not need to apologise to you at all)?

[smokepole]

Desperate circumstances is not Private Education, I agree however, when things are failing apart in your eyes. you look for anything to hold onto, in may case it was a good education for DD1. I was not thinking straight at the time and feared for her education at the local modern schools. I have since learnt that if she had taken the Medway test, she would have flown through it as it is the total score that matters not individual scores . However , that is not how the Kent Test is . I have been reading up about the Shepway test that has been introduced at sisters old school .

[SanityClause]

What about SDTG's second paragraph, smoke? Are you able to answer that. Not for a load of nosy people on the interweb, but honestly, to yourself?

[Absofrigginlootly]

Out of desperation and worry, you ask for things that you would not ask for in different circumstances.

This thread is probably the strangest I've read on MN so far!!!

OP, I can accept that at the time you felt you had to ask your sister for the money, but as people KEEP asking you, and you keep avoiding the question......

Can you not see now 7 years later, that it was wrong of you to expect her to pay?

And see that you owe her an apology if your relationship is to mend and move forward?

[TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet]

OP - we're not sure that AIBU is really the best place for this thread- would you like us to move it to relationships?

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I have a horrible feeling that smokepole does feel her ostracisation of her sister was justified. The fact that it is her sister who has made the first move towards a reconciliation says to me that smokepole has been holding onto her feelings of hurt, believing she was the one in the right.

I hope this thread will open her eyes and she will acknowledge to herself and her sister that it is her sister who is the victim here, and it should be smokepole apologising and making the efforts towards reconciliation.

[smokepole]

Yes ,Please Olivia move it to relationships

Thank You.

[AugustaGloop]

So is this right (numbers made up). Your parents got an offer to sell the business for (say) 100. You owned (say) 10% and they owned 90%. They sold their 90% for 100 and you sold you 10% for nothing. Why did they not get 90 and you 10 instead? Is it because they did not think you could be trusted with a lump sum and decided it would be in the best interests of you and your DC to give you your share by regular monthly payments instead? Or is it about wanting to control you? Why did you agree rather than demanding a share of the money they got?

[smokepole]

I Think I am going to say "Sorry" to her, I am certainly going to give her a big "Cuddle". I have had enough of not talking to her, or making up reasons in my head "Why I don't like her".

In hindsight I admire her for walking out of that French A level exam, because she was not going to be told which University to go to by Mum or by the Head , who by the way was "mortified" that one of her "Oxbridge" girls had "thrown her life away". Mum did not speak to her for 6 months after she walked out of that exam.

[wannabestressfree]

This is what happened on the last thread. People get so angry as smoke decides to ignore any questions she doesn't like, waffles crap about being hard done by and her children not being afforded a luxury lifestyle whilst her and ex do NOTHING to provide it.....
Thread fizzles out. Op starts another. And repeat.......

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

I was on the OPs other thread. It got weird. This one is also weird.

I think the OP is getting something out of all the attention, and it seems like it doesn't matter to her whether it's good or bad attention, just as long as she's being noticed.

I think this is really worrying, for her. I also think other posters have it right. OP you have been brought up in a very abnormal and toxic way. Only you can decide that you want to change the way that upbringing has limited and damaged you. Only you can choose to become an independent and proud person. You will never be 'saved' by the hand outs and awful way you rely on these people. It's not too late, but it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it's you that has to step up and take hold of your life and yourself.

Blaming your sister is just a symptom of your toxic environment. Have a think about Who Benefits? Who benefits to keep you blaming your sister? Who benefits in keeping you in this childlike dependent state?

I don't think it's you who benefits. Is it?

[smokepole]

Wannabe. I have accepted I need to say sorry to my sister for expecting her to Pay DD1s school fees 7 years ago. I have also accepted that it has not thankfully prevented DD from going to her "First Choice"University , despite one poster Calling it (jokingly ) not a good University.

[ArsenicFaceCream]

Good decision Smoke

[ArsenicFaceCream]

ASpergers - if you do have it - does not qualify in my experience! You can't possibly be that bad if you can partake in mumsnet!

Raffles

You are talking out of an orifice unconnected with your face.

If you genuinely do have a personal connection with or experience of autism you should be ashamed of yourself for your narrow mindedness.

You clearly have a poor appreciaition of the spectrum and the very real impact different manifestations and types of autism can have.

Go and bait someone else.

[wannabestressfree]

Well said raffles....
Your not sorry though smoke. I read and engaged in your other thread.
Why are you not supporting your own children? Why is your ex husband not supporting his children?? Why is everything everyone else's fault and responsibility.
I am find it laughable you think you will get dla. For what?

[smokepole]

Points Taken in Rafflesway. I am not taking any benefit .

[wannabestressfree]

And arsenic I have no fight with you but you did this on the last thread. Smoke made ridiculous comments and you mine swept the replies like a body guard. Her comments upset people.

Raffles was clearly upset but smoke does appear to have that 'effect' on people

[Chippednailvarnish]

Save your breath Raffles

The Op is an attention seeker who has drip fed her threads with various SN as and when her posts have become more and more ridiculous. Terribly insulting to anyone with real SN.

[ArsenicFaceCream]

And arsenic I have no fight with you but you did this on the last thread. Smoke made ridiculous comments and you mine swept the replies like a body guard. Her comments upset people.

That's astonishing wanna, considering that I've never been anywhere near the last thread.

[ArsenicFaceCream]

Raffles

You said, re Aspergers;

Aspergers - if you do have it - does not qualify in my experience! You can't possibly be that bad if you can partake in mumsnet!

Which reveals your ignorance.

MN is full of women who have HFA/ASC/Aspergers.

The idea that anyone who had difficulty in daily life as a result of an ASC would be incapable of posting on MN is so thoroughly stupid, Im almost lost for words.

And plenty of people with HFA/ASpergers qualify for an amount of DLA (or did) because their difficulties warrant it.

[MsFanackerPants]

Not commenting on most of what is written here, but OP ABBS is horrendously oversubscribed. And having Wellington as a back up plan is not a good idea as it is also oversubscribed.
I work in school admissions in this area and the good schools in Trafford and South Manchester are incredibly popular and near impossible to get in. Don't do as many parents do move here and expect to instantly be admitted to the "excellent" schools and then be surprised that you're not the only parent who wants their child to go there.

[ArsenicFaceCream]

I cannot BELIEVE this has descended to 'Aspergers isn't real autism'

[BaffledSomeMore]

I an probably an aspie (as is dd) and I struggle with social stuff, have a typical aspie job that I'm good at, and never considered myself disabled. I'm different but capable.
And I am a long term MNer. Couldn't hun on NM though :)
Smoke doesn't chime as asd to me though. Some other disorder maybe?