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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

So the date went tits up!

81 replies

wildwest · 04/10/2014 10:16

I posted about him not texting me much since asking me out last Sunday - dinner date arranged for last night. Got a text wed saying he didn't want to be too stalkerish but were we still on for Friday? Then last night he text at six saying 'not too late to back out!'. Then 6.40 he said he was stuck in Friday traffic in Stafford and could we poss meet later - around 10. He was really sorry - he had been helping a mate stupidly and he did want to see me. I said seeing as I was ready (I only saw it at 7.30) then yes. Just before nine my friends text to say they were in the bar/restaurant my date and I were supposed to be going to. I text to say I'm not even out yet only meeting date at ten and they said come for a quick one with us. So I did. No sooner was I there he text and said I can meet you at 9.30!? So I said come meet me at Botanist - I've come for a quick drink with friends who aren't out long and we can move on from there. He text back to say he couldn't do that - have a good night with my friends!?! We text for a bit to and fro with him saying he didn't want to spoil my night and me saying but I want to see you - I'm not planning an all nighter with them! He then said please could he have another chance to see me!??? Totally. Weird.

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/10/2014 10:21

Time waster....

anyoldname76 · 04/10/2014 10:21

He sounds like hard work, he seems to want you sitting at home waiting for him and didn't like the fact you went out for a bit and is now acting martyrish about 'ruining' your night

JeanSeberg · 04/10/2014 10:23

On to the next, sounds tiring just reading about it.

R4roger · 04/10/2014 10:23

how disappointing

Mrsgrumble · 04/10/2014 10:24

So glad you went out and did your own thing. I'd le him go, just don't get into banter with him. Say you had a great night, see you around - then ignore.

I would be tempted to think he didn't want to be recognised or has someone or is a bit of a messer. You have the upper hand here. Good for you.

BitOutOfPractice · 04/10/2014 10:26

Yep. Time waster. Next!

Disappointing though isn't it?

ChippingInLatteLover · 04/10/2014 10:27

Maybe he just didn't want to meet with you in front of all of your friends?

Did you offer to meet him elsewhere at 10 instead?

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 04/10/2014 10:27

I love that you didn't sit around s d went out with your friends.

Ditch him, he sounds like a time waster.

iwantgin · 04/10/2014 10:29

Move on.

He sounds far too complicated. No one needs all that drama.

KoalaDownUnder · 04/10/2014 10:31

Oh, FFS. People like him exhaust me just hearing about it.

Make a date, then show up on time. The end.

You are probably younger and less impatient than I am, but I would have been over it when I got the 'lost track of time helping my mate' text. Not good enough.

LickleMiss · 04/10/2014 10:36

If he really wanted to see you he would not have 'helped a mate out'.

His loss

WildBillfemale · 04/10/2014 10:36

He's a flaky timewaster - with the texts from Weds and Fri 6.00pm sounds like he maybe wanted you to back out as he had something else he'd rather have gone to. Either way he wasted your time - set your boundaries early! He either wants to get to know you or doesn't, you aren't just an option if he has a quiet Friday night and initially nothing lined up socially.

2). Why did your friends turn up at the place they knew you were going on a date to? - unacceptable, immature and sabbotaging. If it's your usual haunt then choose a differant venue for first dates where you won't run into people.

3). I can understand why he didn't want to meet all your mates when it was supposed to be a date between you and him, a first date I gather? Meeting the friends comes a lot later when you are established as ongoing.

mariposaazul · 04/10/2014 10:49

Previously when you talked about his lack of texts you did concede that actually it was yr 'turn' to text so he was probably wondering about whether you were that interested - with more justification!

Last night could have been nerves -,plus not wanting to meet yr friends yet.
Everyone sounds so confident here but getting back out dating is really HARD! I am always incredibly nervous & wondering why I put myself through it...& would certainly not be up for meeting his friends (much as friends can indicate a lot about a person)
Agree that yr friends should NOT have been in the place you were going for a date.

Cricrichan · 04/10/2014 11:09

If he lost track of time then he's not that into you. That alone would make me not want to see him. I want my dates to make an effort and really want to see me.

The not wanting to meet you because you were out already is wank. I'd be so disappointed if I'd gotten dressed up and was looking forward to seeing him. That's a shit reason for not going out.

I wouldn't waste anymore time on him.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 04/10/2014 11:11

Sure he might be nervous but that's no excuse for wanting to turn up 2 hours late for your first date.

Like a PP i'd have fucked him off at the "can we meet at 10, I've been helping my mate" text.

If he can't be arsed making the effort to be on time for your first date just bin him off.

R4roger · 04/10/2014 11:12

i think you should give him one more chance, what did you say?

Castlemilk · 04/10/2014 11:15

Bin him, definitely.

'Yeah of course mate, nothing major planned, well I'm meeting this girl on a date but I can easily put her off til later, no problem.'

Do you want that?

I wouldn't.

Dirtybadger · 04/10/2014 11:18

I wouldn't meet someone if they were with their mates. It's a first date. If they said "I'll leave when you're ready and meet you at X" (where no friends are) then that'd be fine, though. I certainly wouldn't be offended by someone being out already especially if I wad running pretty late! I can't tell if you were asking him to meet you at a place where your friends were or not. If that's the case he might well think you aren't that interested as it's a bit lazy.

Overall though it's probably not worth it. Don't know how someone can justify being a couple of hours (is that right?) late. Even someone very busy. Don't bother.

Dirtybadger · 04/10/2014 11:20

Unless he lives 100s of miles away if he text you at 7.30 almost home he could have been ready by 8. Met you by 8.30. Did he watch a quick film or something? Hmm.

Pancakeflipper · 04/10/2014 11:25

He's irritating me already.
He's a waste of space. You could give him one more chance because you are nicer than me. But please only 1 more chance.

Original poster

wildwest · 04/10/2014 11:36

I do give too many chances and think people are genuine - my big problem in life! I met him last week when out with friends and he was quite bothered that I stick with them then too. I was disappointed last night as who doesn't want to get dressed up and go for dinner? But I was definitely already irritated at the lets meet at ten. He has text this morning though. Firstly to apologise - then said he has a crazy rationale for last night but that he really likes me, more so than anyone he's met in a while and would I consider giving him another chance and meeting him for coffee and cake? I just really don't want to get involved with another idiot. I'm too easily hurt and it takes me ages to get over it. I'm 39 btw - he's 41.

OP posts:

Dirtybadger · 04/10/2014 11:44

He met you with friends last time? Hmm. It does make more sense that he didn't want to again, then. Friends shouldn't be on dates. Why were your friends there the first time?

It doesn't affect being late but I would probably cancel too if the first time I met someone they weren't alone and then the second time they revealed they wouldn't be to start either.

ChippingInLatteLover · 04/10/2014 11:46

[coffee] nothing much not to like about that. Go as you are, see what he has to say. It's only an hour.

Original poster

wildwest · 04/10/2014 11:53

I met him in town on a night out with friends. Last night was supposed to be a first date after our meeting. I wasn't asking him to carry on with my friends - just to meet me there as we had arranged to meet elsewhere at ten but he then text to say he could meet earlier and I had just ordered a drink? Re my friends - they went for the live music - not because I was there. Plus if I had been having dinner - I would have been upstairs them downstairs.

I've said yes to coffee. As Chippinginlattelover says - 'it's only coffee'.

OP posts:

Hissy · 04/10/2014 11:53

he met someone else earlier that evening. he thought he'd get rid of them about 10 and see you then.

for whatever reason his date ended and he found himself at a loose end half an hour earlier.

he called you. that's my theory. he double booked himself and tried to wriggle out of it, but clearly shunted you to the later slot.

tell him that if he wants to play games, take up a sport, but to muck people around isn't on.

tell him that you're trying hard to justify giving him another shot, but if you do, it will be utterly down to him to arrange date/venue/time and let you know. oh and he pays.

if he rearranges you again, you won't be making any effort to see him again.

seriously, what does he expect?

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