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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

So the date went tits up!

81 replies

wildwest · 04/10/2014 10:16

I posted about him not texting me much since asking me out last Sunday - dinner date arranged for last night. Got a text wed saying he didn't want to be too stalkerish but were we still on for Friday? Then last night he text at six saying 'not too late to back out!'. Then 6.40 he said he was stuck in Friday traffic in Stafford and could we poss meet later - around 10. He was really sorry - he had been helping a mate stupidly and he did want to see me. I said seeing as I was ready (I only saw it at 7.30) then yes. Just before nine my friends text to say they were in the bar/restaurant my date and I were supposed to be going to. I text to say I'm not even out yet only meeting date at ten and they said come for a quick one with us. So I did. No sooner was I there he text and said I can meet you at 9.30!? So I said come meet me at Botanist - I've come for a quick drink with friends who aren't out long and we can move on from there. He text back to say he couldn't do that - have a good night with my friends!?! We text for a bit to and fro with him saying he didn't want to spoil my night and me saying but I want to see you - I'm not planning an all nighter with them! He then said please could he have another chance to see me!??? Totally. Weird.

OP posts:

Simplesusan · 04/10/2014 16:12

I wouldn't bother contacting him again. Only meet for a coffee if you have nothing else on.

If it were me I would be tempted to either arrive late or text to cancel at the last minute.

youmakemydreams · 04/10/2014 17:10

If I was going on a first date with a guy and a mate needed help at the 11th hour I'd help the mate. It's a first date. If the guy blew me off after doing it then he wasn't the person for me then. If he however gave me another chance he just may be.

As for coffee the people saying he should be doing it today okay I believe ya. What would we be saying if his dd's mum was on here posting that her ex had blown off a trip to down with their dd and she found out he'd gone on a date instead. Erm yep thought so.

Whatthefucknow · 04/10/2014 17:39

But the point is he obviously knew about his commitment to his dd.
So, he should have RUNG this morning to say "I'm so sorry I fucked u about last night, would you consider letting me make it up to you. I am busy today with family stuff but there's a lovely new cafe blah blah and I could pick you up tomorrow and drive you and drop you home. Would 11 or 3 suit you better? "
Then he turns up looking splendid 10 mins early and the OP has a fab time and feels in no doubt that he is apologetic interested and has the space in his life to explore the possibility of a relationship which isn't at the expense of her time, dignity and self respect.

He hasn't done that tho. No. He's gone let me make it up to you by taking you for cake. OP says yes please. He says no I can't unless you make me and then you'll be being a cunt to my daughter and putting yourself first you selfish bitch

Honestly I can read these a-holes like a book. Go on the date OP but let us know all about it. Wonder if he'll forget his wallet, be late again, ask you to come to his area and do the running, get you to pick cafe and then not be able to go to that one, meet you and seem wonderful only to not text you for three weeks and then act like no time has passed at all.

Ah well.

heartisaspade · 04/10/2014 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whatthefucknow · 04/10/2014 19:55

Thank you dear heart . Unfortunately I speak from experience not bitter and cynical at all

Horsemad · 05/10/2014 00:35

Please update after your coffee and cake!

LifesUPandLifesDOWN · 05/10/2014 01:05

Don't do it OP! Sounds like a right time waster.

I agree with everything whatthefucknow says

JeanSeberg · 05/10/2014 02:17

You're already downgraded from Friday night dinner to a Sunday afternoon coffee then...

TonyThePony · 05/10/2014 06:39

A lot of people write a lot of things as facts on here. None of us know what really happened on Friday. None of us know what will happen today. None of us know if he is a time wasting twat.

I'd take him at face value for now. As a pp said the traffic was bad on Friday, rubbish to have double booked you but not the crime of the century... I'd assume he then got nervous when you were with your friends and so cancelled. Hopefully today will go to plan and you'll have a lovely time.

Good luck.

pudding25 · 05/10/2014 06:50

He sounds like a complete nob and time waster. Move on...

FrontForward · 05/10/2014 07:12

If I'd messed someone around like this I'd be utterly mortified and going out of my way to apologise. He doesn't sound like that. He's making superficial gestures that way but also balanced with digs at you about it.

jaynebxl · 05/10/2014 07:38

I'm with Roller and Guin. I'd go for coffee. That's a simple low key thing to do and would help decide if it was worth any future contact.

BitOutOfPractice · 05/10/2014 09:42

I'm assuming that a lot of people saying "oh he doesn't sound too bad" haven't been on the dating scene for a long time!!

Having said that, I think a coffee sounds a safe option and hope it works out ok for you op

Original poster

wildwest · 05/10/2014 21:00

Ok so update. Met him at 1.30 today (cuter than I remembered!). He was on time, gentlemanly and apologetic for Friday. A little too enthusiastic (nerves?). I do like him and conversation was easy, not stifled. He actually lives about 25 mins away so I get why he couldn't meet till ten after being stuck in traffic. He also told me the reason he didn't want to meet my friends Friday (basically thought they were the same group as the week before (they weren't) and one had been off with him that night and he said he was a bit put off by that but that he realises he should have just met me). He asked me at the end of the date if he could take me out again which was nice. I said I'd have to see about getting a babysitter and he said that was fine, let him know when I'm free. Walked me to my car and kiss on the lips. So - I like him. But I'm still unsure. No text since. So I'll just see what happens next.

OP posts:

NumanoidNancy · 05/10/2014 22:07

He sounds nice. Just go with the flow I think. Lots of men find dating far more nervewracking than women in my experience, give him a chance!

ChippingInLatteLover · 05/10/2014 22:11

Well, there you go :)

Coffee, cake, kiss - all sounds good to me.

You are supposed to let him know when you are free, that was the arrangement, so organise a babysitter and let him know when you are free.

Do not over think how many texts you do or don't get between now & then,

Romeyroo · 05/10/2014 22:32

Was one of your friends off with him?

Agree he could not have changed contact with his DD, but he seems a bit all over the place to be honest. Seems like he is trying to fit you in around a lot of other commitments.

Horsemad · 05/10/2014 23:00

Glad you had a nice time OP. The ball is in your court now

BlueBrightBlue · 05/10/2014 23:21

I'm guilty of being that timewaster but didn't realise at the time I was.
Last year met someone I really took a shine to. I asked him out and it the first date went quite well,, and the next few after that.
We emailed/texted a lot between dates and exchanged witty banter.
I think I told myself I/we could make this work because he was such a lovely funny guy.
However, I kept making excuses not to see him and it wasn't until he said " Look Blue, I've not seen you in 2 weeks" that I realised there was no chemistry on my part.

Whatthefucknow · 06/10/2014 00:26

Grrr
He's put the ball in yr court again alright.
I think you should now say that you'd like to see him again so where/when/what does he propose and that you'll need several days notice in order to book babysitter.
DO NOT get roped into doing the heavy lifting of organising and planning the next date.

Also I'm confused about whether he was late because of traffic or because of helping a friend.

Either way, if he lives 25 mins away then he didn't have to reschedule to 10pm at 6:30. Did he know he was going to be stuck in traffic for 3 hrs??? Doesn't add up.

Also what's he on about saying he didn't come to meet you because of your unpleasant friend that he was put off by? Bloody cheek criticising your friend and using her as the reason he stood you up don't you think?

I hope it turns out well for you tho if you like him. Sorry for playing devil's advocate. I'm not raining on your parade for fun. I'm just fed up with this fuckwittery and it seems to be endemic. I feel like I want to warn women who walk into situations with unscrupulous fuckers who let you open your heart but they really don't care. I feel esp protective of single mums as these type seem to single us out because we are desperate for a bit of tlc at least I am

So good luck OP

PlantsAndFlowers · 06/10/2014 03:57

Oh god, you don't want someone who's going to start getting the hump with your friends.

Original poster

wildwest · 06/10/2014 04:09

Can't sleep! Grr. Actually - I can see what he meant with said friend. Don't want to say too much there but I can see why he'd be put off so I'm fine with that. I'm going to have another date and see. Re the time - also all makes sense to me. Stafford is about 2 and a bit hours from where he lives. By the time he got home it was 8.45? then shower and get ready and 25 mins in. Anyway - doesn't really matter. I'll have another date and just see. I'm not massively invested - so it's all good. :-)

OP posts:

Romeyroo · 06/10/2014 06:49

Whatthefucknow, I think you are right, though. I think as single parents, we are used to having to put everyone else first and organise everything.

PiperRose · 06/10/2014 07:16

For fuck sake, women moan about the men play games when dating but it would appear from here that we are just as bad. Why don't you have an honest conversation with him about what you're feeling and expecting. If he feels the same then great, if not move on. It's worked for me.

Granville72 · 06/10/2014 10:23

Well balls in your court chicky. You need to sort a baby sitter and let him know when you could next meet.

Maybe a quick friendly text 'Thanks for coffee, I had a nice time' or something along those lines.

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