I've been with DP for three years and we have an almost two year old. We met, fell in love/lust, and had a baby very quickly (at his suggestion - I sort of got carried away, I hadn't ever really wanted kids, although I obviously adore my child now).
When we met, he was on the dole - he works for a small company in the construction sector and when they run out of work, they close down the company and everyone goes on the dole for a few months, then things pick back up again. We're in a Mediterranean country and this is relatively normal behaviour, although very shitty.
The thing is, he has never once contributed. I had gone freelance about a year before we met and managed to build up an extremely successful business. As a result, when we first met I earned about four times what he was bringing in, so I didn't mind much that he never offered to pay for things, seeing as I had so much more free cash than him.
It's been like this ever since. All the bills have always gone out of my account directly. It's not as if they are excessive - we live in a normal bog standard flat in a normal place, and what he earns would actually cover about half of our expenses. But he has never given me any money towards bills, and even when I've asked, he's given some money but then the next month not offered, and I felt awkward constantly asking him - I feel as if he should just pony up - who wants to live for free?
I bought every single thing for our son, from cot to buggy to muslins, everything. I burnt through the majority of my savings that I'd built up through my business. He didn't buy anything.
Anyway, about a year ago I suggested we got a joint account so that his earnings (a living wage, albeit quite a bit less than what I earnt) would at least go towards our joint expenses rather than me not seeing even a cent from him each month. So far, so good, although his work situation continued to fluctuate. Since the end of July he has not been in work. I have also realised after some totting up that he is owed a few hundred euros for his final week of employment, and he hasn't been paid it. He's had a few cash-in-hand jobs through the same people, inbetween construction contracts, and is also still waiting for the money. Today, he went for a social visit to the people he works with (the line is very blurred between work and friends), to find out when the new construction contract would be. Apparently, they said it may be in the next couple of weeks, but there's a couple of days of cash-in-hand work next week. Oh, and the money they owe him, they're waiting on being paid by a supplier.
He recounted this to me all very blasé; it doesn't bother him at all. He is now without any income whatsoever as his dole pay ran out in August, and probably won't get another pay packet until November. Which doesn't seem to mean anything to him, because the bank account has money in it so he's alright. Meanwhile, they owe him hundreds and he's not pushing them for it and is in fact all ready to go and do more work for them next week, essentially for free, rather than doing something fucking constructive.
He has been lazing around the house since the beginning of August. Meanwhile, I have been working around the clock to try and build some savings back up. I am incandescent with rage at him over this current situation because I don't have the luxury he has of just deciding not to bother looking for work or just doing bits and bobs because my baby would starve. He hasn't bothered to look for alternative work and doesn't seem to care.
He is a good dad to our baby emotionally - by which I mean he loves him, cares for him, plays with him. But when it comes to providing for him or being a good adult role model, he's shit. I also feel trapped - I don't want to financially support another adult - he's perfectly capable of working but appears to have thrown in the towel as due to the financial crisis his sector did take a beating, but despite that there is work, he just needs to get off his arse and stop working for these "mates"!
I am sick of this. I feel used. I feel like I made a terrible mistake getting together with and having a baby with a man who to be fair I barely knew, and now that his true, lazy colours are coming out, I want out, but I'm terrified of the negative effect this could have on my baby. I also worry for DP as he has no money! I know this isn't AIBU, but am I being totally unreasonable?