Husband may be cheating?

[aDvice2]

Am I paranoid? DH has started keeping his phone on him at all times. He used to come home from work and put everything from his pockets on top his chest of drawers, but now it's just keys & wallet with mobile in his pocket. He's started only charging it at night as well. He's going out with work colleagues and traveling more than normal.

If he gets home late he sleeps in the spare room to not disturb me (normal) as we have a young child, but always used to leave his phone on charge downstairs - now phone and charger are with him in spare bedroom.

After a very odd weekend of never seeing the phone and him acting aggressive when I asked to borrow it because mine was in the boot, this morning I got up to check it while he was showing and realised he'd taken it into the bathroom with him?!

I just have a horrible feeling something is going on.

Yep. Being over-protective of his phone is one of the first signs that they are up to no good.

I don't think you are being paranoid. There has been a noticeable change in his behavior re his phone.

I'd start keeping a diary of late nights weekends away etc, and try and get hold of that phone - clearly he doesn't want you anywhere near it.

prepare yourself though!

How would you feel about confronting him directly about his behaviour re the phone and asking him to hand it over to you there? Might tell you all you need to know?

I would love to address it head on. I know he would be aggressive and I may lose any chance of finding out what's going on, because afterwards he would be super diligent.

We use iPhones and I realised recently he turned off the 'find my iphone' feature as well. When I asked him to turn it back on he got aggressive and told me the application needs to be reinstalled as something isn't working properly. Am certain that's not the case but I didn't push it.

Am trying to prepare myself. My instinct tells me he's up to something.

He almost certainly is. It's changes in habits that are the biggest give away.

I agree that confronting him might get you nowhere. He will deny and become defensive "you don't trust me" etc etc

He then cools it down with however until the dust settles and then starts up again!

What would you do if you found out he was? Are you the type to throw out for good or more likely to want to work at it?

Aggressive how?

Do you feel unsafe with him?

If he doesn't hand the phone over to give you piece of mind, then clearly his need for secrets & secret behaviour is more important that your piece of mind & emotional well being.

What else would you need to know?

I don't feel unsafe. It's aggressive like 'you don't trust me... deflect, deflect...' with shouting and finger pointing at me.

Good point about secret behaviour vs my peace of mind.

It does sound very suspicious and my XH did exactly the same when he was gettting involved with OW. He took the phone to the bathroom, the utility room, charged it beside the bed, kept it in the door pocket of the car rather than the middle and refused to let me use it.

I hate jumping on the bandwagon, but your instincts are probably right :(

Sorry all classic symptoms of cheating.

I don't think you need evidence tbh - you have it already.

I'd have it out with him by saying the way you are behaving means I can come to no other conclusion that you are cheating. Unlock your phone now and give it to me to check. Refusal means you can pack your bags and fuck off because I am not an idiot. I'll be contacting a solicitor first thing tomorrow.

I think yellowtulips has it spot on...

YellowTulips, thanks that made me smile.

Agree with YellowTulips advice too.

And do remember that if he is unwilling to share then that is very telling in itself. You don't need actual physical proof to know your P is treating you badly and to decide to end the relationship.

I might forgive the affair (ok probably not) but I defiantly wouldn't forgive myself for staying with someone who thought they could pull the wool over my eyes by behaving like this. He's a fool.

I agree with what Yellow Tulips said.

If he isn't willing to save your marriage and prove you wrong by simply handing over his phone, then he doesn't value your marriage very much does he?

If he isn't willing to do that one miniscule thing, then why on earth should you put a shit ton of effort into trying to rationalise his behaviour to try and save the marriage?

Hell, if my partner told me we were over unless he could see my phone because I've been acting really strangely, I'd give it to him without question (tho he'd probably have to charge it first...). Of course, I have nothing to hide, and I'd want a discussion about why he felt like he couldn't trust me once he'd seen it.

Yep YellowTulips is spot on!

Also get copies of all relevant and important paperwork and documents. Do you have on line access to his phone bill?

Protect your finances also.

Good luck but I would expect the worst.

It does sound like classic cheating behaviour.

acting aggressive when I asked to borrow it because mine was in the boot

Did he let you borrow it or not?

Isn't there a way of checking where an iPhone has recently been via locations?

Wouldn't it be a shame if he "lost" his phone for a day and then found it down the back of the spare bed.

here

Although I just checked my iPhone and the location was off by default so you may need to turn it on.

Good luck

Op already said he turned it off and got aggressive when she asked him why curly

Op said he had turned off the find my iPhone app. It's not the same thing.

OP if you do confront him then I'll eat my hat if his response isn't "I can't believe you don't trust me. I'm entitled to some privacy and your such a shitty person to suggest this. No I won't give in to your vile behaviour and enable your paranoia by showing you my phone. "

To which your response is "fuck off you cheating twat. You can't even cheat properly- most slimeballs buy and hide a second phone but I guess you were too cheapskate or stupid to do that. You don't get to choose what happens now. I do and there is only one thing I want and that's for you to get your sorry two timing ass out the door"

Yellowtulips, if I ever have reason to confront my DH about something I'm asking you for a script first!

Curlywurly is right- it's not the same thing and if he doesn't know about this feature on the phone then there will be a whole catalogue of evidence if he has been up to no good. To be honest, it doesn't look great. I saw all these signs myself when my ex was cheating, I'm afraid.

Apologies curly, I don't have an iphone and assumed it was the same thing.

Ugh, this does not sound good. Is it synced with a laptop? You can access all iMessages via a mac if it has been synced...might that help you?

I absolutely agree with Tulips...but before you do this perhaps get your finances in order, and look for any other evidence of skulduggery, such as receipts in jacket pockets, unusual pubic grooming, interesting phone bills / bank account statements, more than average use of petrol etc etc etc.

Good luck and

Just a quick technical question - if a phone has been synced with a Macbook will the Macbook allow you to access all the text messages (imessages)??