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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

am i being mugged off?????

656 replies

jude3184 · 17/09/2014 16:52

ok so im gonna start right at the beginning.....i was in a relationship for 7 years with a man who made me feel like crap. He said he liked me the way I was (absolutely massive) he had me totally emotionally dependent on him then he upped and left me and my two girls.

I soon wised up and dropped 4 stone and met someone who I thought was amazing...until 6 months down the line he smashed my house into pieces then started on me...so thats the end of that story too. I finished it instantly and spent the next 3 years focused on me myself and my beautiful daughters.

This is where im either going to sound like a completely ungrateful little brat or im gonna get told that im right to be concerned....

I have met a wonderful man and he has a 2 year old daughter. We have been together little over a year now. he has recently moved from wales to be with me and as it stood when he moved up, he saw his daughter every other weekend when she stayed with us plus he saw her every other day after work at his mothers for 3 hours. last week I had a phone call to TELL me that she would now be staying every other night at our over night PLUS the weekends that she usually stays. This wouldnt be a problem but since im in a tiny two bed flat and i already have my daughters who live with me, his daughter is now in with us every other night all night and she still doesnt sleep through the night and to top that off his dog who he insists is more like his daughter than his pet insists on sleeping int he bedroom also. I feel ive been kind of lulled into a false sense of what will happen only for him to slowly move his daughter in too!! He pays me £50 a week because he says he cant afford any more.....not only that, recently he had a week off work through being ill that he got behind on his child maintainance payments and tried to insist I look out a loan because his credit wasnt good enough so that he could pay it to his ex for his daughter and so that he could buy his daughter birthday presents. I point blank refused and he got very annoyed but I said it wasnt happening so he dropped it.

Now I feel I have lost respect for him a little. Is it too much to ask for a man that looks after ME for a change instead of me footing the bill for everything?? Perfect example of this : we went to drayton manor recently, I PAID FOR THE TICKETS.....he gave me a small amount of fuel money that would have covered getting half way there and I had to sort the rest...we then got in to the park and I said I fancied an icecream, he said he couldnt afford one so i felt bad, paid for one for him AND his dinner...he then stopped at the shop before we went home so that he could buy his daughter a souvenir. to say i was raging is an understatement...

ANNNNNNNYWAYYYYYYYY.....I called him on his lunch today and told him that he needs to come home so that we can discuss everything. Do I need to man up and stop being a mug?? Or an I over reacting a little, because we are great together and he makes me laugh most days lol xxx

OP posts:
jude3184 · 18/09/2014 17:15

Pmsl @ this. You're right!! I've spend a fortune on lint rollers the bastard!!

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 18/09/2014 17:15

Floating is better than being dragged down.

rainbowinmyroom · 18/09/2014 17:16

Shouldn't be hard to find £1000 considering his entire cost of living, if he does in fact pay £300/month in fuel, is £700/month for the past few months.

Does he earn min wage? Because even on that, he should have an extra £200-£300/month. If he's above, even more.

At any rate, don't rise to it. It's not your problem.

His mum's cross because yet another person has thrown his deadbeat arse out.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 18/09/2014 17:16

Yeah, pet hair is a bastard to get rid of.

helpmekeepstrong · 18/09/2014 17:18

Love the fact that, in between not believing you're not sad and his total devastation he's crying about having to find £1000! Is he hoping you're going to bail him out? You are doing the right thing Jude - you won't realise just how right until all his stuff is gone and you can open the all windows, let the fresh air blow through and breathe in a big sigh of relief. DVD and celebratory tea with the little ones? Next week you can cuddle up on your new sofa! Just you and them.

jude3184 · 18/09/2014 17:19

If he goes back home he hasn't got the £200 to pay me p/m and he hasn't gotta find money for fuel. Have it saved up in 2 months. It's the last time his daughter stays over tonight, I feel bad for her because overnight contact will stop until he finds somewhere else but that's his concern not mine. She will have to stay with her mum for the time being x

OP posts:
jude3184 · 18/09/2014 17:21

He'd tried to tell me which one to get n all...everything I liked he didn't and in the end I said I'm paying for it I'm picking it!! Bloody simples isn't it! Bloody cheeky bitch he is!! X

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 18/09/2014 17:22

sad it's come to this
oh dear
my mums cross about having to help me out
oh dear
I can't believe you're not sad, I feel devastated, this feels bike the end...I have to find £1000...
oh dear

helpmekeepstrong · 18/09/2014 17:26

FunkyBoldRibena Pfffffttt! Hahahahahahhahaaaaa!

jude3184 · 18/09/2014 17:26

I dunno if any of you guys have experience of huskies but it's not your average pet hair, it comes out in clumps when they blow their coat and I've filled two carrier bags in as many days trying to stop her dropping it all over the bloody place lol. IVE done all the brushing because when he does it she moans and apparently she doesn't like it so it must be 'painful' so he doesn't do it. He even brushed his own hair with it the other day to 'see how it felt for her' and said it hurt him so I wasn't to use it lol. Comical I know! X

OP posts:
helpmekeepstrong · 18/09/2014 17:31

Tell me again when he and his pet dog are going?

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 18/09/2014 17:31

You are not a hotel keeper.
You are not a dog groomer.
You are definitely not a bank manager.

Three cheers that you chose your own furniture (that you're paying for)

I quite like his heart broken texts, his mum being cross and him needing a spare £1,000 just prove where he ranks your love in his priority order Hmm

jude3184 · 18/09/2014 17:32

Tonight's the last night his daughter stays and he has the weekend to find somewhere because his daughter will be with her mum and my girls will be with their dad x

OP posts:
RandomMess · 18/09/2014 17:32

That is his problem, he should have been able to squirrel about £1k from his cheap digs that he's been using...

AnyFucker · 18/09/2014 17:35

this is for him

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 18/09/2014 17:35

he should have been able to squirrel about £1k from his cheap digs that he's been using...

and if he hasn't already, what has he been doing with the money? Hmm
I can just see it at the weekend as he goes through mummy Leech's front door 'And so, what did it this time Leech?'

When did you say the sofa's arriving Jude?

jude3184 · 18/09/2014 17:36

I almost choked on my coffee then pmsl AF!

OP posts:
jude3184 · 18/09/2014 17:37

Next week some time. Still haven't had exact day just an estimated time over three days of next week so will know very soon. Xx

OP posts:
jude3184 · 18/09/2014 17:40

He's on £260 a week. £200 pm goes to his daughter, then he has about £200 on fuel expenses over the month, his phone bill which is about £40 a month, £200 a month he gives me plus he smokes so probably £50 a month on that...he took out a credit card and drew £200 straight off it for paying the ex maintenance when he had that week off and lost a weeks wages...that's all he pays...summat doesn't add up does it x

OP posts:
helpmekeepstrong · 18/09/2014 17:40

So Monday is your first free night! Yeay! Be strong though, now that you have seen him in his true light don't let him weasel his feet back under your table. Now you've set a firm deadline, not a minute longer! x

jude3184 · 18/09/2014 17:42

I know...I will stay strong.
If I feel like I'm slipping I'll let you know and you can send me a virtual backhander lol xx

OP posts:
rainbowinmyroom · 18/09/2014 17:48

Just keep re-reading this thread.

The weekend starts tomorrow, so he can leave then and you have a free weekend to clean and rest again since you have had broken sleep.

When your DD's ask, 'Where did Leech go?' Tell them, 'I made him leave because he took advantage of us.'

jude3184 · 18/09/2014 17:50

My eldest knows. She often says 'mummy why did you pay for that?' Or 'mummy why is his little girl staying again' it's confusing for them too! I've been such a twonk!!! They're at their dads this woken and I have the weekend off work. I feel like going out and going wild haha! X

OP posts:
jude3184 · 18/09/2014 17:50

This weekend*

OP posts:
enriquetheringbearinglizard · 18/09/2014 17:55

The sums don't stack up at all and you know what, I don't think you'll miss his £200 a month from your budget.

I propose we give you a few days to settle yourself and then have a thread party when the sofa arrives. Let's see if AF can book a tiny violin band to funk it up a bit like the Mariachis do Grin
Wine Wine Wine

How's that sound? and where's the bunting pic we need?

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