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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

am i being mugged off?????

656 replies

jude3184 · 17/09/2014 16:52

ok so im gonna start right at the beginning.....i was in a relationship for 7 years with a man who made me feel like crap. He said he liked me the way I was (absolutely massive) he had me totally emotionally dependent on him then he upped and left me and my two girls.

I soon wised up and dropped 4 stone and met someone who I thought was amazing...until 6 months down the line he smashed my house into pieces then started on me...so thats the end of that story too. I finished it instantly and spent the next 3 years focused on me myself and my beautiful daughters.

This is where im either going to sound like a completely ungrateful little brat or im gonna get told that im right to be concerned....

I have met a wonderful man and he has a 2 year old daughter. We have been together little over a year now. he has recently moved from wales to be with me and as it stood when he moved up, he saw his daughter every other weekend when she stayed with us plus he saw her every other day after work at his mothers for 3 hours. last week I had a phone call to TELL me that she would now be staying every other night at our over night PLUS the weekends that she usually stays. This wouldnt be a problem but since im in a tiny two bed flat and i already have my daughters who live with me, his daughter is now in with us every other night all night and she still doesnt sleep through the night and to top that off his dog who he insists is more like his daughter than his pet insists on sleeping int he bedroom also. I feel ive been kind of lulled into a false sense of what will happen only for him to slowly move his daughter in too!! He pays me £50 a week because he says he cant afford any more.....not only that, recently he had a week off work through being ill that he got behind on his child maintainance payments and tried to insist I look out a loan because his credit wasnt good enough so that he could pay it to his ex for his daughter and so that he could buy his daughter birthday presents. I point blank refused and he got very annoyed but I said it wasnt happening so he dropped it.

Now I feel I have lost respect for him a little. Is it too much to ask for a man that looks after ME for a change instead of me footing the bill for everything?? Perfect example of this : we went to drayton manor recently, I PAID FOR THE TICKETS.....he gave me a small amount of fuel money that would have covered getting half way there and I had to sort the rest...we then got in to the park and I said I fancied an icecream, he said he couldnt afford one so i felt bad, paid for one for him AND his dinner...he then stopped at the shop before we went home so that he could buy his daughter a souvenir. to say i was raging is an understatement...

ANNNNNNNYWAYYYYYYYY.....I called him on his lunch today and told him that he needs to come home so that we can discuss everything. Do I need to man up and stop being a mug?? Or an I over reacting a little, because we are great together and he makes me laugh most days lol xxx

OP posts:
rainbowinmyroom · 18/09/2014 18:52

He's taken the piss out of his parents, his brother and I'll bet you a million pounds, his ex as well. That's why she probably threw him out.

The little girl will be fine, she has another parent, it's not like you are throwing her out on the streets. She can stay with her mum a few weeks until he sorts out a place to live.

jude3184 · 18/09/2014 18:57

He had now said his parents will help with the money for a bond etc on condition we give it a good go of 'us' because his dad is convinced I'm the woman for him!! Arghhh!! I'm just an emotional wreck lol. And at work of all places!!! Stiff drink needed! Gonna treat myself to a bottle of wine this weekend lol xx

OP posts:
hamptoncourt · 18/09/2014 18:57

Stay with us OP - he obviously isn't going to go quietly.

It might be worth firing a warning shot at him at the appropriate point, some comment about having him forcibly removed......

Absolutely change the locks or he will undoubtedly be back.

rainbowinmyroom · 18/09/2014 19:00

BULLSHIT! He is a liar.

No more engaging with his crap. I would only answer the following, 'That doesn't work for me. You need to make other arrangements.'

Trollsworth · 18/09/2014 19:01

The dog can go to dogs trust. It's a breed dog, has lived successfully with children and is a desirable type. Seriously, 45 seconds. He had no business getting a dog when he was so precariously housed.

His daughter can stop with her mum. He can visit. She will be fine.

And HE is NOT YOUR PROBLEM. He's pissed in his own pants and now hei s trying to get you to buy him some nappies.

rainbowinmyroom · 18/09/2014 19:02

'This doesn't work for me. You need to make other arrangements by tomorrow, the weekend.'

Over and over. Tell him tomorrow, too, I am having the locks changed on Saturday so your stuff needs to be out. And do it!

Think about the Vimto, the way he ran off your friends, his dog's hair everywhere, the fact he has no money but smokes.

jude3184 · 18/09/2014 19:02

It's all I love you so much this has to work .... I can't be without you so I'll move out because I want us to work....

OP posts:
Trollsworth · 18/09/2014 19:02

And nobody would offer their son money on the condition that his girlfriend takes them back. He's lying. Tell him to fuck off.

jude3184 · 18/09/2014 19:03

You're all right...I'm right...I've done the hard part! He know how emotionally weak I am and makes me feel dreadful!! I'm stayin focussed on the bigger picture x

OP posts:
Trollsworth · 18/09/2014 19:04

"You will move out because I don't want you to live here any more, not because you've decided to."

JetsAndSugar · 18/09/2014 19:04

Omg that is hilarious!

His parents will pay him a one off fee to live anywhere except with them.

His father thinks you are the right meal ticket for his son leech and his son leech should try to keep you. Yeah I bet.

God they must really have had enough of him.

What you need or want isn't even mentioned is it? Irrelevant. He needs. He loves. He wants. Yawn.

Trollsworth · 18/09/2014 19:05

Ooooooh he's boiling my piss! Selfish little toad. He doesn't give a shit about you, or your daughters, as long as he's got his own way!

rainbowinmyroom · 18/09/2014 19:05

'What brought about this change?' 'The scales fell from my eyes and I realised how much you take advantage of us and our home, run off my friends, treat my kids badly. This doesn't work for me. You need to make other arrangements.'

End of.

Not your problem. No more having this fobbed off on you.

Trollsworth · 18/09/2014 19:06

I know this is a long shot, but his name wouldn't happen to be Darren, would it?

jude3184 · 18/09/2014 19:07

Lmfao no but I know a Darren that would act the same way hahaha x

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 18/09/2014 19:07

This is it jude, this is the big test. Will it work, will you let him stay. Just for one more night.

Hell no. If you back down at this point he will see a chink in your armour and will keep stabbing away at that wound until he bleeds you dry.

(Or some kind of metaphor that makes sense)

rainbowinmyroom · 18/09/2014 19:08

He loves himself. Not you.

rainbowinmyroom · 18/09/2014 19:09

If he wants to make you work, and he'll move out, why is he even telling you about all this shit with his folks and where's the dog going to go and I need a grand and my dad will give it to me if we try to make a go blah blah blah.

What a wanker.

A real partner would just go. But of course, he's not. He's a cocklodger.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 18/09/2014 19:10

"This is it jude, this is the big test. Will it work, will you let him stay. Just for one more night.

Hell no. If you back down at this point he will see a chink in your armour and will keep stabbing away at that wound until he bleeds you dry".

Precisely what was written above. Do not back down now!.

JetsAndSugar · 18/09/2014 19:10

Can you tell him you are too busy at work for all the texts and switch your phone off?

Shouldn't he be dealing with his daughter now anyway?

jude3184 · 18/09/2014 19:12

He's on his way back from his parents now. I'm sure there will be more texts later when he's back and she's in bed about how sad he is...I'm gonna say have you ever stopped for one fucking second to think about how I feel?!? Arghhhhhh x

OP posts:
enriquetheringbearinglizard · 18/09/2014 19:12

his parents will help with the money for a bond etc on condition we give it a good go of 'us' because his dad is convinced I'm the woman for him

Bullshit.

Besides which I don't care if he rocks up with scrolls from heaven declaring you're the woman for him.

The point is HE IS NOT THE MAN FOR YOU!!!

I've read about some brass necked cocklodgers on here, but he's close to taking the Biscuit

I also agree that his ex doesn't know he's leeching off you, but if she did, I reckon she could tell you some tales too.

Trollsworth · 18/09/2014 19:13

The true answer to the, Jude, is no. No he hasn't. He hasn't stopped to think about your feelings because they are irelavent to what he wants to do.

Holdthepage · 18/09/2014 19:15

You are amazing OP, I know you probably can't see it but I have rarely seen anyone on here who has seen the light as quickly as you.

There will be someone out there for you, someone kind, generous & loving to you & your girls. You just need to be rid of the clingon first, plus his dog & fish tank.

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 18/09/2014 19:16

Actually Jude, no, you're not going to have to say anything, you don't have to keep engaging with his more and more elaborate histrionics.

You've said what you needed to say already, you don't need to go back and forth to his tall tales.