Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I still go on a date with this guy?

114 replies

JustDontWantToSay · 14/09/2014 22:54

So I met him through OD (which I'm not a big fan of but I don't plan to be single forever so I thought I may as well check it out). To my surprise, I met someone who seemed lovely, intelligent and single. We texted for a bit then spoke on the phone few times. He also added me on fb.

We set a night to meet but an emergency came up and he had to cancel. I wasn't bothered as we'd barely started chatting by that point.

We re-arranged for the following week when he was going to be working near me. He said he'd probably be free by x time and we made plans. Fast forward to the actual day and he just never contacts me. I got a very apologetic text that evening saying that the day had run away with him. I vaguely wondered why it was that we couldn't meet later but didn't really feel that I could ask.

He's always seemed very keen to meet me, compliments me, etc. and I didn't doubt that he was as keen to meet as I was. We haven't got very in-depth or anything, just agreed that we got on and would like to meet.

So after two cancelled dates he asked when I was free and I told him. He then asked about another couple of days without acknowledging what I'd said. I said no, sorry and he proceeded to ask about a few other nights, still not explaining why he couldn't do the night or day I'd suggested (Saturday night and Sunday). I was mildly aggrieved that he hadn't offered to come and see me at a weekend when I know for a fact he doesn't work at the weekend and had cancelled on me twice before. He just stayed silent about it. After I said that it was a shame he couldn't make it because I was free, he said that if he could move a sporting match on the Sunday he would be able to make it down for Saturday evening. He was able to move the match and now starts the odd bit. He doesn't live nearby so he said "Do you have a spare room because I will need to stay down there?" I was very taken aback and basically replied and said well, yes, but you can't really stay here (gave an excuse). He pushed to be allowed to stay and when it became clear that I wasn't going to give way he suddenly backed off and wouldn't commit and eventually said that he wasn't coming because 'it was all too difficult'. I knew this was coming so wasn't that upset, but I did care. At that point I knew in myself that I resented him not making me more of a priority and that I wouldn't now actually want to meet him.

Am I being really stupid about someone I've never even met? Or am I justified in thinking that I should have been more of a priority for him?

I basically think that he either has sex guaranteed elsewhere or when I refused to allow him to stay he thought we wouldn't be sleeping together and so couldn't be bothered. Seriously - who would allow someone that they've never even met to STAY in their house?! I'd also made it clear over the texts that I certainly wouldn't be sleeping with him straight away. He wasn't pushing or anything but the subject came up and I made my position clear.

He still wants to see me but hasn't actually suggested a day. I get the feeling that he's playing it by ear. Am I really overreacting or would others be mildly offended too???

OP posts:
Stupidhead · 17/09/2014 09:11

I think this is a case of the op thinking ANY relationship is better than NO relationship. I hope it's just a wind up.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 17/09/2014 12:07

Dirty I don't doubt it, was just phrasing in a way that didn't feel like a pile-on in case OP is still reading...

JustDontWantToSay · 17/09/2014 13:52

Sorry to disappoint - he was quite nice! Seemed pretty normal, funny, etc. I was expecting a total idiot but he didn't seem to be. We had a coffee and chatted and then I smiled nicely and left. I won't be seeing him again for obvious reasons but I may have done if he hadn't been such an arse about getting together. Oh well, onwards and upwards!

OP posts:
pinkfrocks · 17/09/2014 13:59

Married then- or not?

AnyFucker · 17/09/2014 14:00

Did he have a badge on, saying "I am married" then ? Smile

pinkfrocks · 17/09/2014 14:03
Grin

Anyone can be nice for an hour over a coffee.

Not sure I believe you won't see him again.

Didn't he ask?

JustDontWantToSay · 17/09/2014 14:05

I didn't quiz him on it but no, he said not married, not in a relationship, gave some history. He also offered to change his plans, stay down here longer and take me out for dinner - but I declined. Who knows..... He seemed to be normal/truthful.

OP posts:
pinkfrocks · 17/09/2014 14:09

I suspect dinner would have led to 'coffee' and all available hotels full as well as road blocks all the way home....

JustDontWantToSay · 17/09/2014 14:25

Ha ha pink! Probably!

OP posts:
JustDontWantToSay · 17/09/2014 14:26

Ps. No, he didn't ask outright but mentioned that next time he was down we should sort something out. I said perhaps, meaning no and I think that was clear.

OP posts:
SweetErmengarde · 17/09/2014 14:29

So maybe it's the lesser of all the evils we came up with and he's not married, just juggling several online dates and going with the option most likely to lead to sex.

An arsehole to be sure, but not necessarily a malevolent arsehole. OP did right to bow out early whatever the case.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 17/09/2014 23:31

I said perhaps, meaning no and I think that was clear.

If this is the way you communicate, could it be that you were the flaky one all along?

JustDontWantToSay · 18/09/2014 00:09

It's the way I said no, politely. I don't think anyone who knows me would say I was flaky!!

OP posts:
BuntyGoestoBenidorm · 18/09/2014 01:00

'Perhaps' doesn't mean no. No means no. Have you taught your daughters that?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page