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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I try to meet this man or run for the hills?

90 replies

coffeewithchips · 06/09/2014 20:05

I recently met a guy on a dating site and I felt we clicked. We have similar interests and lifestyles and at first, it was looking positive. He lives about an hour away from me, so we spoke online for a few days and planned to meet when both of our jobs have eased up a bit more. We haven't met in real life yet but I was very happy to organise a meeting soon (until recently.)

The thing is, there is something about him that's really intense and a little clingy. He wants to speak to me every evening for the whole evening. If I don't reply for some reason, he will send a sad message that sometimes guilt trips me a bit. He also messages every day saying 'have you thought about me today?' which is awkward because sometimes I haven't.

The last straw came when I got a really long essay basically moaning that he's seen I've been online and I haven't replied to his message and he knows I'm talking to other people because he's 'not naive'. He wrote loads about investing in me and wanting to feel appreciated so that he gets something back. I haven't actually been talking to other people though, or even online! I have an app on my phone that perhaps keeps me logged in but tbh I'm thinking of deleting the site as OD isn't for me.

I got fed up with this because if he is like this before we've even met, what will he be like further down the line? I refused to give him my phone number which he also got upset about, but I just think he'd be texting constantly.

So I sent a polite message explaining that he seems to need a lot of attention so perhaps it would be better if he dated someone nearer to him who can give him that time.

He wrote back saying he was 'always happy to hear from me' and that he enjoys thinking about me every day because it's 'not hurting anybody' to do that. Hmm
Then he said that he's not going to 'leave me' just because of that, and that I am smart enough to know that things aren't ideal. He said he will move jobs or towns in the future to be nearer to me. He just wants to know that I think he is special too.

On one hand, it is nice that he seems to think so much of me as most men in the past haven't treated me well. However, he seems a little clingy and intense. I am considering deleting my account so he will have no way to contact me but I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do. Half of me thinks that I should go through with meeting him and perhaps it would be a good relationship. But what if he becomes obsessive? He seems a bit of a loner. Never mentions seeing any friends etc. so I am a little worried.

Any thoughts on the situation would be helpful.

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 06/09/2014 20:06

Run.

Pinkfrocks · 06/09/2014 20:06

Run. fast.

He sounds very needy and a bit , no, make that VERY creepy.

justmuddlingalong · 06/09/2014 20:07

Run fast and run far!

AnotherStitchInTime · 06/09/2014 20:07

Run, he sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen!

chocolaterainbow · 06/09/2014 20:07

I second that, get your trainers on woman!

rainbowinmyroom · 06/09/2014 20:08

Run!

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 06/09/2014 20:08

Do not meet him and delete your account.

BellaVida · 06/09/2014 20:09

Odd behaviour if you ask me. A bit stalker-like to be tracking you're online status too...

KneeQuestion · 06/09/2014 20:09

Delete your account!

Never, ever contact, or allow a way to be contacted by this man. He sounds like an absolute stalky nightmare.

Seriously, run for the hills.

NightOfTheCactus · 06/09/2014 20:09

Yep - another one saying run for the hills. You do not owe him anything.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 06/09/2014 20:09

That is more than a little clingy OP. Please don't meet him

43percentburnt · 06/09/2014 20:09

Run away. He hasn't even met you in person. You mention you have bad relationships previously, can you elaborate? Have you done the freedom programme?

You know deep down that this man is not behaving as you would expect, that's why you are posting here. Go with your gut.

GemmaTeller · 06/09/2014 20:10

Yep, run a mile

Bisou88 · 06/09/2014 20:10

Message him telling him you have no intentions of pursuing this relationship, you owe him nothing so its up to you if you wish to explain why. Then delete your account.

Do not meet this person, never mind him being clingy, he sounds controlling as fuck.

DontDrinkAndFacebook · 06/09/2014 20:11

Oh dear. I think you know the answer.

seasavage · 06/09/2014 20:11

Avoid. Block.

NapoleonsNose · 06/09/2014 20:13

Run and delete your account. Sounds very weird.

MummyBeerest · 06/09/2014 20:14

If you have to ask, you know the answer.

Run.

KneeQuestion · 06/09/2014 20:14

I dont think OP should message him any further.

So I sent a polite message explaining that he seems to need a lot of attention so perhaps it would be better if he dated someone nearer to him who can give him that time

He wrote back saying he was 'always happy to hear from me' and that he enjoys thinking about me every day because it's 'not hurting anybody' to do that. Then he said that he's not going to 'leave me' just because of that and that I am smart enough to know that things aren't ideal. He said he will move jobs or towns in the future to be nearer to me. He just wants to know that I think he is special too

She has tried ending things with an explanation and he ignored her wishes and stated his own, this man is dangerous.

JUST BLOCK/DELETE.

ladybirdandsnails · 06/09/2014 20:15

Run fast and delete account

FamiliesShareGerms · 06/09/2014 20:18

I'm a bit concerned that you needed to ask the question...

Read your OP back and really think about what in there should convince you not to run as fast as you can - I can't see anything in there...

ImperialBlether · 06/09/2014 20:18

Run as fast as you can.

MistyMeena · 06/09/2014 20:19

Please don't have any further contact. Run for the hills and don't look back.

Meerka · 06/09/2014 20:19

He wants to move near to you to be with you without having met you? He is't going to leave you??

This man isn't interested in you because he doesn't know you. He's only interested in the fantasy that he thinks you are. And boy, does he ever want that fantasy.

You, the real woman, flesh and blood, he won't be able to cope with. You'd be getting someone who moves in on you without having the first clue who you are and on the signs so far he'd be clingier than a headlouse.

Cut this off now.

FiftyShadesOfGreen4205 · 06/09/2014 20:20

In fact, if you can get some extra legs surgically attached then do as you should run like fuck away from this gobshite.

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