What would you think of these texts?

[vidalsasssoon]

Prompted by another thread, do you think these messages from a man to a woman are flirty/inappropriate when the man is married:

‘you’re going to get me in trouble one day!’
‘you can boss me about whenever you want’
‘Thanks for the nice view earlier When are we seeing you again?’
‘That's ok but you owe me now, i can think of a good way for you to pay me back ’

They weren't all in one conversation, over a few weeks. I know can’t say for sure without context but what would you assume about the relationship between the sender and receiver?

How are these two related to you OP?

My husband

Ummm honestly? I have a contact with work who sends me messages like those. I don't really engage, and tend to change the subject but will sometimes reply back with "yeah you wish" or something similar. All texts aren't like that at all, and we both know nothing would ever happen.

Are they his texts? Or hers or a mixture?

I would see the guy as a sleaze. It would make me uncomfortable and I would try to ignore the smarmy bits.

Sorry this is your husband OP, it definitely doesn't sound good.

They're his wipsglitter

If she's ignoring his sleeze then I think it's fairly clear she's uncomfortable. Perhaps she was ok with a small jokey flirting but he's crossed a line into something more and that's made her feel uncomfortable. Maybe. Obviously I'm just guessing.

He's not in a position of authority over her is he?

manager? boss? lecturer?

What do you want to do now you've seen them?

What has he said to explain himself?

I haven't told him i've seen them yet GiniCooper as trying to get my head around it first. I am positive he'll claim he was joking and it means nothing though.

He knows her through his job vitalstatistix but he's not her boss

He wants to have sex with the woman he sending them to.

If he is married he is a sh*t and any woman who sleeps with him, or even encourages him, deserves all she gets.

Oh, sorry vidalsasssoon. I didn't realise that he is your husband.

Vile.... and the fact she is ignoring the sleazier sounding ones makes it look like he is the instigator.

vidal what to do here. I think you need to confront him, he will definitely laugh it off though like you mentioned.

I would really make him understand how hurt you are and ask if he would be happy if you were sending similar texts to a male colleague?

First two are ok ish but I guess last two are a bit risqué, mind you I hear far worse flirting than this in real life, often it's just banter and nothing ever happens. Guess we don't become nuns and monks once we get married. Flirting is one thing, guess the real crux is whether a person really means what they say or just having a bit if 'harmless' fun. Either way, I have a very strong feeling that there is one hubby who is going to get his arse kicked pretty hard very soon.

Copy them and any others, put them somewhere safe for the future.

The thing is, he probably is joking and he does think they mean nothing, but he's obviously in denial. He'll look all wounded that you could construe them as anything but harmless banter, or he'll get all angry and defensive that you don't trust him.

But I wouldn't trust him one inch. If the recipient of the texts gave him the slightest bit of encouragement you'd have an affair on your hands I'm afraid.

Ime this could be very flirty however I know people who have began affairs using language like that. That was just flirting to start with.

I wouldn't consider this flirting, I would just consider it super sleazy and inappropriate.

If someone sent me texts like these I would think they were a complete loser. If they were married it would make me extremely uncomfortable.

I would hit the fucking roof if my husband had sent texts like this to another woman.

OP what's the plan? You going to confront? Then what?

Sorry meant to point out that they're all totally instigated by him and never by me! We are sort of mates, so we do text about other things, and in all honesty I think it's some sort of ego shit on his behalf. If I were to turn around and proposition him he'd probably shit himself. But I'm not interested in him like that, don't find him attractive and don't chase married men!

If this was my husband he would be out on his arse

Zero tolerance

Totally unacceptable

It shows a complete lack of respect for his wife and would make me wonder whether he has cheated in the past and if not that he would probably do it if he got the chance

I'm sorry it's your husband. It would knock me sick if I knew my DH sent texts like these to someone. Does he have form for being a bit of a sleaze? Sounds like he's the type who thinks he's a bit of a 'ladies man' but just ends up embarrassing himself.

I think if you confronted him there is no way he could say they were harmless. The first two are not too bad, just him testing the water I'd say, but the second two are horrible and leave you in no doubt of his intentions.

No not said anything yet.

He doesn't have form for being a sleaze, I wouldn't have imagined he'd say stuff like this to anyone