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Original poster

DH has said he will consider an affair if I don't have more sex with him.

87 replies

misspollyhadadolly · 22/09/2006 14:31

And he woke me up with this news at 7.30 this morning.

Our sex life is quite tame compared to most people's (about once a week I suppose)and then I go through phases (depression, exhaustion) when we could go for weeks without it.

When we do have sex though, it's usually good and lots of fun.

Now he says that he didn't actually mean the affair comment, but it's out now and to me, doesn't feel like much of a choice (force myself to have more sex or allow him to have an affair)

We have 4 children (youngest is 5)

FFS - I hate this!

OP posts:
morningpaper · 22/09/2006 14:32

ONCE A WEEK WITH FOUR CHILDREN?

sounds remarkably frequent to me

FioFio · 22/09/2006 14:33

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Iklboo · 22/09/2006 14:33

That's bloody emotional balckmail - not to mention mental abuse!! WHat a bar-steward to say something so childish, insensitive and downright nasty.

aaronsmummy · 22/09/2006 14:33

cheeky sod

lou33 · 22/09/2006 14:33

tell him you would have more sex with him if he had a bigger c*ck

codwiggle · 22/09/2006 14:35

tell him to fuck off and have one
then cahange the locks

ComeOVeneer · 22/09/2006 14:35

As apposed to he is a big c*ck Lou.

WigWamBam · 22/09/2006 14:35

Bloody hell, I've only got the one child and we still only manage it about once a month!

He's actually setting this up so that if he has an affair it will be your fault - because he told you it would happen. I think I'd be inclined to tell him he could sleep with whoever he wanted to, once his bags were packed and he'd handed over his keys.

Glassofwine · 22/09/2006 14:35

Agree with FioFio - tell him that putting that kind of pressure on you doesn't make you feel too kindly towards him and likely to go off and have your own affair. FWIW - I think once a week on average is pretty good.

mell2 · 22/09/2006 14:36

once a month would be a lot with 4 children!

NomDePlume · 22/09/2006 14:36

What a knob.

Once a week sounds pretty good to me. As if threatening to shag someone else is going to make you think 'oh, yes, some more sex with you would be lovely'. Hardly the most persuasive of arguments is it ?

daisy1999 · 22/09/2006 14:36

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NomDePlume · 22/09/2006 14:36

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Carmenere · 22/09/2006 14:37

Tell him that nothing that you could ever say or do could make him have an affair. That decision will always be his and then ask him how that sort of comment is supposed to foster the closeness that you need to feel in order to want to have sex with him more frequently.

lou33 · 22/09/2006 14:37

both CoV

mumfor1standfinaltime · 22/09/2006 14:38

I would tell him to go and have one then! What a cheeky sod. It takes 2 to tango anyway so why is the so called 'lack of sex' your 'fault'?!
btw I think once a week with that many kids sounds good to me! We find it tough enough with one lol!

lou33 · 22/09/2006 14:40

buy him a fleshlight

JessaJam · 22/09/2006 14:40

Was it just a "throwaway comment" along the lines of me saying to Dh "you'll have to find yourself a young, pert 'thang' to replace me, I'm crocked" ! I DON'T mean it and iit is NOT permission for him to cheat...

When he said he didn't mean it, was he sorry for upsetting you or defensive?

If he was defensive - he is a knob.
If he was sorry - he is only a bit of knob (in the way that most men are at some time!)

Once a week sounds pretty healthy to me, esp with that many children.

Tell him if he loves you he'll have a wank instead!!

CarolinaMoon · 22/09/2006 14:40

bloody hell - we have one toddler and we only have sex that much. God knows what it would be like with four kids .

Your dh has been an arse and will need to work pretty damn hard to get back in your good books, but if this comment is a one-off and he was speaking in the heat of the moment, I would try to forget about it.

Don't feel obliged to 'give him' sex. If he wants it, he should put in the effort - whether it's cooking for you all or taking the kids so you can have some time to yourself, or whatever.

Glassofwine · 22/09/2006 14:40

and another thing, funny how he thinks the problem is yours - perhaps it's him that needs to make some changes - like not making hurtfull comments for a start.

Original poster
misspollyhadadolly · 22/09/2006 14:40

Daisy, we have talked about our sex life quite a bit in the past (been togethr 17 years/married 10)

The problem remains that our needs are very different. I am genuinally not that interested in ahving lots of sex (although I do enjoy it)

He has a big sex drive and so it must be really hard for him. I just can't see how we can sort this out though. I would never tolerate him having an affair - that would be the end of our marriage.

We're talked out - don't know what else to do.

OP posts:
JessaJam · 22/09/2006 14:43

I'll say it again...tell him, if he loves you, he'll have a wank! (or two!)

dmo · 22/09/2006 14:44

ask him to pay for a weekend away with no children if he wants more sex

cause an affair wont be cheap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kathlean · 22/09/2006 14:44

Does he have someone in mind for this affair?

I'd be gutted if DP said that to me and would tell him to f off.

CarolinaMoon · 22/09/2006 14:45

doesn't he have any hands MissMolly?