DH has said he will consider an affair if I don't have more sex with him.

[misspollyhadadolly]

And he woke me up with this news at 7.30 this morning.

Our sex life is quite tame compared to most people's (about once a week I suppose)and then I go through phases (depression, exhaustion) when we could go for weeks without it.

When we do have sex though, it's usually good and lots of fun.

Now he says that he didn't actually mean the affair comment, but it's out now and to me, doesn't feel like much of a choice (force myself to have more sex or allow him to have an affair)

We have 4 children (youngest is 5)

FFS - I hate this!

yes glassofwine - the problem always has been 'mine'

a few 'unwelcome' experiences with men as a child, plus after 4 children I am now overweight and don't always feel entirely comfortable getting undressed.

Have been through councilling about the childhoos stuff and tbh, found the whole things tedious and boring. I really do think that thsi stuff is in my past. I just genuinally don't have a high sex drive (surely I can't be the only one?)

4 children is a lot for anybody and then expect you to leap on him after is a bloody cheek. To also throw in emotional blackmail is out of order. He can't be thinking straight. Ask him what he reasonably expects given your situation.

Once a week isn't a LOW sex drive though misspolly. At all.

Surely?

he does have hands! and i did actually make that suggestion, he wasn't impressed though!

Perhaps he needs to get to know lefty better?

His comments were crass and deserve every response here. But there does seem to be a real issue about different sex drives. Maybe you should be talking to Relate? Since he seems oddly unable to just go and have a wank.

Ditto nellie245!

Twunt!

thankyou fio, im sure he does still find me attractive. We just have different sex drives, am I the only one who has this problem? I tough that this was fairly wide-spread.

If he doesn't want to w*nk maybe he should get a blow up doll.
Just remind him that if he every has an affair then he will become Mr Bob It the second.
Maybe he should help more round the house and with the four children he helped bring into the world.

No, you're not alone, misspolly. My H and I have the same issues, although he hasn't ever threatened to have an affair. Makes me feel very down too.

Remind him that his girlfriend had better love kids, and be minted, b/c he'll have FA after you get done w/him.

londonlady, is the situation manipulated to try and make out that you are the one with the 'problem' instead of just accepting that this is often the way things are?

im getting sick of he inference that I have an issue. As far as im concerned, I don't, I just don't feel the need to have as much sex as he does.

expat

My husband gets the hump when a have periods where I just don't feel like having sexy. Normally this happens about the same time as he has a mate that doesn't stop talking about sex and how much they get. I have said like it or lump it and try to ignore his moods.

misspolly, yes, absolutely

His comments are hardly going to get him what he wants,they will only make things worse.

Ha ha ha lou33.

I had the same issue with my xh. Our issue was me looking after the ds twins and running the house and working part-time. Falling into bed smelling faintly of bleach and bubble bath, the only thing I was up for, was a damn good sleep. He thought it was his conjugal rite for me to turn into Jenna Jameson after 10pm.

Tell him to hook up with Palmela Handerson or wine and dine you, make you feel in the mood.

Hurtful prick.

'smelling faintly of bleach and bubble bath'

I love that, absolutely agree about the tiredness though and although he is great with the kids and house when he gets home fom work, he obviously isn't working a hard as i am if he isn't as knackared as i am.

I also run my own home based business, things are expanding lately (which is great)but Im shattered.

Oh well in that case if he wants sex, he's got to pull his weight so you aren't as tired. Get him to do more around the house - once he gets home, he takes over with the kids so you can put your feet up. Maybe if you have a chance to relax occasionally you might be in the mood, instead of just too knackered.

misspolly - no you are not alone! I posted something along very similar lines yesterday. DH didn't threaten to have an affair but he lays on the guilt in very subtle ways (and some not so subtle) so that in the end I feel inadequate. He still finds me attractive but that doesn't help in any way towards making me feel any better about myself. Only I can do that. I have a low sex drive - always have a bit but it's got positively subterannean since no#3 was born. Someone wanting to have sex with you isn't the only factor in wanting to have sex yourself.

I appreciate that threatening to have an affair is one way of broaching the subject but it's a fairly crap one!! Tell him to get a blow-up doll or get to know Mr Hand a bit more intimately!!!

just wanted to say thanks for all your support (and all the twunt comments - richly deserved )

Hope he's not holding his breath for tonight - I have other plans!