The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Getting Ready For The Golden Sights Of Autumn In Search Of Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello everyone, I'm Mouse :) and this is the Bus I've been on a while now!

It's filled with a variety of drinkers. Those that do, those that don't, and those who are desperate to STOP but hide it, or embrace it and get the help they NEED.

'Help' in whatever form works for them, your friend or you. Be it AA, a Local Community Alcohol Counselling Group, your GP, your family/friends, this thread or even a combination of all of the above!

You have to want to stop drinking more than wanting to breathe.

I know that right now, that may sound like a ridiculous goal.

They got sober, One Day At A Time then came here during the process to chat about it, discuss their feelings, but more than anything else, their experiences HELPED OTHERS TO BELIEVE that they too could get dry.

They might not get dry and stay dry, sometimes they'll be lying about their consumption, fooling themselves as well as others

BUT when the posters do get dry for good, come back and post to help others with their tricks of the trade or just to say 'I did it!!' my heart jumps for joy because that person, poster, Brave Babe has gone through hell and back, lived to tell the tale and now wants to share that with the rest of the Bus to see if one simple trick or technique will put them on the track to recovery, sobriety, to the life that they want to lead :)

There's two saying that have appeared to stick with us -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

We all have our own reasons for starting to drink 'too much', we all have an excuse don't we.... we all have a "but....."

Well, as I say to Nemo (who you will get to hear about ) - goats butt!

And for those of you who want to know a bit more -

HERE IS THE MOST RECENT THREAD

AND THIS IS WHERE IT ALL BEGAN, OVER FOUR YEARS AGO!!!

See you soon x

And thanks to everyone who gave support during my meltdown! I've realised that I value the opinions of Babes on this thread more than other people I don't even know.

guggs a purple hat please! With flowers? I'm making my own blanket, which should be finished sometime in 2015

mia how are you doing? Are you still home schooling your daughter?

ma are you okay? Are you still juggling little balls of poo?

Right- mauve and orange wonkyhats it is.

I'm doing badly- have been drinking. I don't know know why I can't stay off the booze,but I can't. Am useless but will get to more meetings as soon as ds is settled in school. shit.I had 3 1/2 months this time round.

I'm drinking too and the low carb diet has gone to hell with sausages and mash for tea tonight! Got to get I to the posh frock on Thursday for black tie dinner with lovely boss. The way the job is, I think it will be our swansong....

joey Are you okay quine? Flamin hell, it can get really coorse on AIBU sometimes. However...I have a remedy.

My laptop is still doing odd shite over the ether. Therefore, I am going to try something never before attempted on MN.

I had egg, chips and plus de baked beans for my dinner. My arse is deadly. I am pointing and aiming. May it carry into my faulty laptop, into the ether and assault the olfactories of those who upset you for sake.

I know it's bad because Little's eyes are screwing up.

Aww ma, pleased distracted man gave you a little lift. You ruddy needed it. I am sad that your job is coming to an end, you sound like you adore both it, and your lovely boss.

How did your bairn get on at school today guggs? Were you a brave soldier at the school gates? Was thinking of you and was hoping your bottom lip didn't get too disco on you.

Phrase are you okay lovey? (((((((BigBosies))))))

Is there a SummerHolidayGerald doing a coach trip? So many babes haven't checked in for a bit...

Hope you are all okay, haste ye back,

Hairy Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaws!!!!!! Bodged me brackets.

She's just started online secondary school Joey! Interhigh.

wry I thought your 'remedy' was going to involve epilating your ladybits again

I daren't go near my arse with anything electrical tonight joey. A small spark would be costly.

It would probably save me from ever having to epilate me ladybits again though. Does anyone know if you can't draw pubes on with an eyebrow pencil or would it all look a bit Fanny Craddock?

can not can't. can not can't.

If anyone is wondering, I am beautifully literate when writing my clinical notes.

Had a hard day, I am posting to save me from Saggy. I am on late shifts this week so no riding. It's going to be a struggle.

I am armed with every flavour of Pellegrino known to man.

wry don't drink tonight. You'll just regret it in the morning and it won't make you feel good at all. That first sip will taste disgusting and from then on it's just going to make you feel bad about yourself.

Keep writing here because we need you sober. xxx

Thank you soc, I am watching late night tv, I put the wine out in the shed. Where the eight legged Shetland Ponies live. I know it sounds feeble but I feel safer with it locked away. The later it gets, the more spiders will be out and doing their thang. I can cope with them as a rule, but if one was to abseil into my face in the dark.....

I'm not on tomorrow, that's a hell of a lot of spare time on my hands. I never drank more than a glass or two when I had to work the next day but when I knew I was off, I've gone way over the score in the past.

It would be all to easy to slip back into that, and I know it wouldn't take much at all. My alcohol money has paid for some lovely jodhpurs and boots, all things I found hard to justify spending money on before because I felt it wasn't spare. baby and my friend with the horses unwittingly threw me a bit of a lifeline with the riding thing.

That and this here bus keeps me going. I'm praying things get easier, it may sound daft but I hope that the view on my life becomes clear again before too long. I feel like I'm looking down a old fashioned kaleidoscope like we had in the 70s. Just a little turn would change everything and I'd be desperately trying to get the old view back again.

Probably doesn't make sense, best off to bed eh? Night night soc you're lovely you are and a real inspiration xx

Well done wry. It's not easy. But you'll be pleased in the morning. I used to ride. Miss it, but I don't feel like riding horses for 'hire'. I feel like galloping across the outback on some mad random horse without a helmet just to be a rebel!! Oh dear. Life is so bland these days. But truly truly better. I don't think I could go back to all that anxiety and guilt and self loathing. And the sheer bliss of not having hangovers is wonderful.

I'm at 4 months sober now. Feel ever so fucking mature counting in months and not clinging desperate to Day 1, Day 2 and day 1 again and again and again. 7 Days was impossible. 2 days in a row was impossible and 4 months is weird. Seems like nothing for what I've been through to get here, but also at the same time like I've climbed a really big fucking mountain.

I'm so not going back to that shit.

Thanks wry. Though I'm not sure what bosies are they sound nice

I'm OK. It's just that at my age every other sod is having a baby and it's an awful lot to bear when you've been trying for nearly 20 months.

When we started trying, we were in the vanguard of our friends and family of similar age. Now there's a great tidal wave of pregnancies and babies sweeping past us, women younger than me who got married years after us and have got pregnant just by having a willy waved at them in the first month of marriage. We're left on this little island further and further behind everyone else. I just feel so angry about it.

People aren't trying to be insensitive, but I swear to God that when we do manage it (fingers crossed) there will be nary a sniff of it on Facebook. Nor will I ever, ever ask childless young couples if they do want children, and when are they going to have them, or say 'It'll be you next!'

You have to put on a brave face and be cheerful, but every pregnancy announcement in our circle brings a two-day emotional crisis for me. The last one was a couple who have known fertility problems, got married a year after us and oh look! They're expecting.

I think I'm angry because it covers up the fact that I feel like we're failing. Like pregnancy is some giant universal exam and we've been working our arses off only to get an F and be told to resit a year, while everyone else goes to parties, forgets to revise and still gets an A. Then posts the result certificate on Facebook. And gets 10000 comments going 'Awwww! Amazing!!'

Anyway, drinking's not going to help any of that. In fact it makes it all more stressful, because of the two weeks a month where I really need to be AF 90% of the time. If those two weeks are not extraordinary, I know it will make life much easier.

Day 2 for me today.

wry, you made me laugh with tales of your spiders. There are bloody enormous ones trying to live in our house at the moment. One of them was waiting for me, in the dark, on the threshold of our bedroom a few days ago. NOT ACCEPTABLE.

Thanks for sharing what you do to moderate at home, joey. Hope you're more sanguine about the rough and tumble of MN today

Crabby, I do hope you're not a coconut crab.

Hi all, and thanks for the welcome :)

I 've known I have a problem for about 10 years... not managed to get any further forward in doing anything about it though :( have reached the point where I am ready (at times) to admit it to others...

have 2 children and am a single working mum, which makes it more difficult to know how to get help (difficult to find an AA meeting I can get to - although perhaps that's an excuse...).

But I know I am killing myself slowly, affecting my children (who have already lost birth mother to alcohol-related death) and generally effing up my life...

it's the evenings that get me, I am busy during the day and can generally distract myself, but am lonely and bored and stressed and find it difficult to get to sleep without drinking...

Right have had hangover breakfast and got rid of all alcohol. Not going to dwell on lapse,but need to take this sobriety more seriously.

ma [hugs]

wry Love your posts- don not drink babe,hangovers suck

phrase yes,all of that is very familiar to me and I didn't have the 'benefit' of facebook. Even now I know that my body can;t do the one thing that every other bugger in the world can,which is a strange thought. Infertility is one of those taboo areas which bring up emotions people find very uncomfortable,just like depression or abuse or mental illness. There is a lot of judging and misinformation. I'm not saying that you are infertile btw,but I am and I'm fine with that label.
In retrospect,I would have given myself permission to avoid friends when it was all too painful to deal with. no one really benefitted from me dangling round with a face like a melted welly boot. So yes,I know where you are coming from.

Day one today and today I will not flaming well be drinking.

sigma Welcome.

I'm not the greatest example of sobriety this am but the bus is a wonderful place where you'll receive lot of support. Good luck.

Morning all.
wry get yer farty arse into the sidecar until you can behave!
sigma hang in there.
Another day.......

Cheers guggs. I'm hoping we're not infertile, as we've managed to get pregnant 4 times (2 CPs, 2 MCs). The test results said I have slightly higher than average blood clotting, which may have thwarted implantation and meant the pregnancies didn't grow properly. Everything else was fine and I'm on aspirin now. But it took 15 months to get to the stage where they'd test me, and then another 3 to get the results back. It's been a nightmare.

It is definitely a taboo area. There is a massive underlying assumption, which I encounter again and again, that it's my fault. Even DFIL asked me if I had a family history of miscarriage; DMIL asked me if I was giving up caffeine or changing my diet. They were both lovely but there's just that feeling there, all the time, that I must be doing something wrong to cause this.

I do try to explain that miscarriages happen to an incredible number of women, that no-one talks about it because it's taboo so there's a misconception that it's unusual, that 90% of miscarriages are simply chromosomal problems and we may just have metaphorically flipped a coin 4 times and got tails every time etc etc. But I'd appreciate it if just once someone said 'Oh, how awful, it happens to lots of people, I really hope it'll work out for you [FULL STOP]', or even asked DH a question about his lifestyle, whether he's had any tests, and what his family history of chromosomal problems is. I mean, his lifestyle's fine, he hasn't been tested cos they usually start by checking for obvious problems in the woman, and I've no idea what his genetic profile is. And I don't want him to feel bad. But it's always put on me, and always in a simplistic 'Well, there must be a reason' way. Like I'm letting him down. And the last thing I need is other people implying that when I'm doing my very best not to be dragged into guilt and self-loathing as it is.

It sounds awful, but I wish to fuck that someone else we knew was going through this. The stats say I must know someone in the same boat, but they're obviously keeping schtumm and pretending everything's fine. Either that or random distribution has assigned me a peer group containing only smug insta-conceivers.

What you say about giving yourself permission to avoid people makes me think. Of course that's reasonable. I'm not sure I do that for myself.

Good luck with day 1

Hi Sigma, welcome.

If you want to try out an AA meeting that sounds like a great idea. The right support group will be a massive help for you.

But if time's tight at the moment and you're not quite ready, there are loads of little things you can do.

I went to alcohol counselling a while ago, and before we even talked about reducing my drinking I kept an alcohol diary for a week. It really helped to make me aware of when I was drinking, what I was feeling when I did it, and how much I was putting away.

This kind of knowledge will help you to defend yourself against cravings, recognise and avoid triggering situations, and plan your recovery.

You might also try just having an alcohol free day, and see how that goes.

It's really important that change isn't 'all or nothing'. The best advice I was ever given on my drinking was 'Don't set yourself up to fail'. Giving up drinking, even for one day, can feel like a terrifying, monster task. Contemplating a lifetime of sobriety/moderation can feel impossible. So just start with today. Equip yourself with the support, knowledge and peer group that will help you make a change, and congratulate yourself for every step you take

phrase that sounds so hard, especially the 'helpful' comments from your PIL. I hope you manage to get some support - have you tried Mumsnet? (I know my experience yesterday was a bit shite, but that was AIBU - the specific pregnancy boards are better I think?)

Mumsnet have sent me a message saying they agreed with my original issue on the other thread and deleted the post. I feel somewhat validated now.

I should explain for those who read the other thread, I don't actually have a colostomy. I used to have something similar; it was 15 years ago but yes, I do still have nightmares

It was daft of me to get so wound up. I've read that Mumsnet can be full of vicious harpies who hunt in packs, but never believed it before! From now on, I will stay on the safety of the Bus, with its personalised crochet blankets. The only things we fight about are who should have the Opal Fruits! I love the Bus, and all those who ride in her/on her/in the sidecar/following in the trailer.

Putting it all behind me, today is a new day, Day 2!

Thanks phrase

Have tried so many times to have an alcohol free day... occasionally managed it, generally not...

The diary is a good (though scary) idea. Will try that - I do sort of know why/what I'm feeling, but perhaps actually writing it down will make it more concrete.

I need to keep busy in the evenings, most of all.

sig, good start, go for the diary.

It doesn't need to be major. I just used to note units per day at the beginning. The very act of writing it down helped me focus on how I felt before and after drinking, and what my trigger had been.

For working out units, I just used a measuring jug: pour the drink you're having into a jug, note amount, calculate units from bottle label. Or a set of digi scales with a 'ml' setting is nice and quick if you've got it.

It may be hard to read once you start. I felt horrified when I allowed myself to open my eyes and see how much I was really drinking. But it was essential that I faced it. Once I allowed myself to see the world as it really was, I could start breaking out of the inertia and lies that booze cocooned me in.

Keeping busy may distract you from drinking, and it's part of the solution, but the best weapon you have is awareness. As old Sun Tzu said, 'If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.'

Well done for making a start. It may be a bumpy ride but it's going in the right direction!