The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Getting Ready For The Golden Sights Of Autumn In Search Of Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello everyone, I'm Mouse :) and this is the Bus I've been on a while now!

It's filled with a variety of drinkers. Those that do, those that don't, and those who are desperate to STOP but hide it, or embrace it and get the help they NEED.

'Help' in whatever form works for them, your friend or you. Be it AA, a Local Community Alcohol Counselling Group, your GP, your family/friends, this thread or even a combination of all of the above!

You have to want to stop drinking more than wanting to breathe.

I know that right now, that may sound like a ridiculous goal.

They got sober, One Day At A Time then came here during the process to chat about it, discuss their feelings, but more than anything else, their experiences HELPED OTHERS TO BELIEVE that they too could get dry.

They might not get dry and stay dry, sometimes they'll be lying about their consumption, fooling themselves as well as others

BUT when the posters do get dry for good, come back and post to help others with their tricks of the trade or just to say 'I did it!!' my heart jumps for joy because that person, poster, Brave Babe has gone through hell and back, lived to tell the tale and now wants to share that with the rest of the Bus to see if one simple trick or technique will put them on the track to recovery, sobriety, to the life that they want to lead :)

There's two saying that have appeared to stick with us -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

We all have our own reasons for starting to drink 'too much', we all have an excuse don't we.... we all have a "but....."

Well, as I say to Nemo (who you will get to hear about ) - goats butt!

And for those of you who want to know a bit more -

HERE IS THE MOST RECENT THREAD

AND THIS IS WHERE IT ALL BEGAN, OVER FOUR YEARS AGO!!!

See you soon x

you okay isinde ?

Am uuggghh.

Drank. Not really that much, but after a week of enforced sobriety my poor body couldn't handle it. Slept very badly. Was too lazy to have a bath or shower so now I honk as well.

Half-way through the 2nd glass of wine, I was thinking "I hate this, must quit, am going to give it up completely!" but a little voice inside was going you know that by Thursday you'll already be planning for next weekend!

Oh, and, AND, have discovered a new side-effect - nasal congestion. Maybe worse last night because as I say, my body wasn't used to it. But I started to feel really bunged up, almost like I couldn't breathe - the last time I felt like that, I was stung by a jellyfish at Solva. I do have hayfever etc. Anyway, googled last night, and I found that it is actually an INTOLERANCE to the histamines in alcohol. (or something - like I said, I was drunk last night so some of it didn't make sense)

I have noticed this before, but not as bad. Why it was worse last night I don't know. My aging body maybe. Apparently it's quite common too Do you ever get that feeling, even as you are drinking, that you're not enjoying it, hate it, but can't stop.

Hello all you brave babes. I've popped on to see if I might be able to join you on your bus. I'm in a spot of bother with the wine, and I'm feeling very out of control.
I am an every day drinker. Sometimes I'll manage to string two days together, but that's about it. God. Even admitting that much.... is... I've been on a right bender the last week. I'm sitting at my desk now and its a miracle I managed to get up, washed, dressed and out. I'm doing very basic tasks because it's all I'm capable of, but at least I'm here I suppose. It hurt to walk past the bottle recycling bin which is absolutely overflowing and know that I'm responsible for the vast majority of it.
It's a massive wheely bin, not a little box!! Barely holding it together here. My children deserve better than this. Anyway, here I am. Look forward to getting to know you

welcome valrhona you are in the right place, most of us have been where you are right now some are doing great, some not so great. make today day 1 and think about how good that will feel tomorrow.

welcome valrhona and well done for being brave and making the first post.

Hi lovely ladies,

guggs my lovely friend, I'm heading out to look for this mojo of yours, it's not like you to have lost it. If I could just remind you of your "fabilousness*, when I hit rock bottom, had a massive breakdown and hated every fibre of my being, I also drank to the point of bring unconscious to escape my broken mind. Wasn't it you who held my hand, your posts and PM's were practical, super kind, full of wisdom and humour, you were amazing to me. My world was spinning and you, a stranger to me, helped me so much, when I was bingeing myself unconscious with booze and painkillers, you always insisted I be kind to myself... I'm sending you the help you gave me back to YOU.

So I'm going back to SW tomorrow, free voucher in woman's own, why don't you go to a class too, it takes care of one night and everyone is so friendly. I hear what your saying about every ones sobriety story being sometimes life changing, life affirming BLAH BLAH BLAH but at least staying sober we have a life and possibilities it may bring, being slim, being fit, better skin, maybe a wee college course (I'm looking Into creative writing) and I fancy joining a book club, now I can see the pages!!!

If I go back to living on my island on the couch half living, half drunk, half mother, half wife then I'll never life my life to the FULL so I can only keep moving forward and thank glory be for this bus and YOU xx

wry are you feeling better my lovely friend, how does your blood clot manifest itself? Sounds scary, hugs to you my lovely.

Hugs to every fabulous babe, can't NC on this device so I'm goona go before this gets lost,

Xxx

Also I'm reading a great book called *drunk mom" I'm not far in but it's really well written and you will all recognise yourself somewhere In her sordid tale, it's making me feel grateful to be sober, on day 22 and feel light starting to filter into my world again. Very slowly but I swear it's there.

Luffs to all xxx

Hi vair lovely to have you aboard, your very very welcome and we're here to help.. How much are you drinking? Do you want to stop or moderate? Looking forward to getting to know you better, it was a very brave first step, hugs for you xxc

First day back at work after funeral and told our office is being shut down. But don't tell the clients as that might not suit the twunts in charge just now. What the f*ck???!!!!

OMG that last post reads all wrong, I meant I see myself In the writers words all too closely and she covers many of the issues we have all talked about on here. Having a baby, boredom, depression, self image things we have all shared on here. I don't know the outcome but her story so far could easily have been me and it's frightened me a little, the parallels are too close. It's her own true story so I'm hoping she'll be ok. You beautiful creatures are fabulous, that last post makes me sound like a right bitch!!! Xxx

looking I'm sorry it's been a crap start to the week for you, will your job be safe? Xxx

hope oh no, what will it mean? Will you be reshuffled somewhere else or will you lose your job? Your bosses expect you to cope with such a lot of uncertainty and stress with no apparent care. So sorry your Monday was a freight train honey, especially after such a difficult week emotionally last week. Sending you a big squeeze of support xx

baby you could never sound like a bitch, never ever. The book sounds like a really good read.

joey I have goggled that too, one morning when my hangover was all painful and congested sinuses. I realised that during a period of af that my sinuses had been really good. I kind of concluded that I must have an intolerance (however, continued to drink until morning sinuses were normal again) I definitely think there is something in it though.

Welcome Vairhona this is a safe and friendly place to talk and we all recognise many of what you are feeling.

eccles so I decided to file my feet instead this tickled me! a fine and interesting way to ignore the WW with the added bonus of soft feet, I like it!

Love to everyone else and a little nudge to Spanna, hope you are ok possum, I do believe there is another pesky full moon on the way. xx

beaches.... well when I joined this bus posters were saying find distractions

Welcome valrhona
hope are you being made redundant? We are still waiting with chewed fingernails to see if we have won the contract which will save our company. Its horrible.

Hi Baby and Beaches. Not sure what it means apart from it is unlikely I will get a job in the new structure (as don't want 90 minute commute each way) and not sure what job they could find me in the region that suits my skills. They are against offering redundancy though, so may get shunted into role against my will. What a week this has been. Will have to move my Day 1 to tomorrow I'm afraid, already had a glass of wine at lunch. So fed up, every time I get back up something slaps me down again. Been eating crap all day too. Look bloated and baggy eyed and feel just worn out . Excuse me while I pull a blanket over my head and skulk in the sidecar . Night night all....

Oops Hello Ma - missed you there. Know you are going through it too. I don't like my job much these days so not as had as for you, but still worried sick as main breadwinner (well, only one really). And hello to Val too - welcome. I will try to be less of a misery tomorrow (goes back to hiding under blanket )

Evening all, tis me, Mouse

Welcome to the new and returning Babes, this place is the safest haven that I have ever found and you will too. No judging, no tutting.... just tell it how it is.

Well - I'm well and truly fucked. I was finally brave enough to call for my bloods. As suspected, all hormental/thyroid results were normal (bollocks to that, I am so in early menopause, so they can stick that in their pipe and smoke it!) Kidneys are fine.

My bloods showed anaemia, and my LFT was 'highly abnormal'. My liver showed to be much fattier than my last LFT, and also that my alcohol consumption would indicate (the tests show 'markers') that I was consuming at least 60 units a week because, I have high levels of the enzyme Gamma GT (or GGT as it's known) present. Again.

I have a million excuses as to why I've been drinking like this, but just the one reason. Because I could.

In a nutshell, if I carry on drinking daily as I am, I can expect to reach the second stage of liver disease sooner rather than later.

Currently, the 'markers' point to the early onset of liver disease. This is also due to my high mounts of constant pain medication.

Booze in abundance + very strong and regular opiates = the very first stages of liver disease.

LUCKILY, I do mean that, if I stop today, the damage is reversible. I already have scaring from the past drinking bouts, and swelling.... I've been offered an ultrasound scan but I know what I have to do.

Tonight I am drinking a diet Indian tonic, with ice and lime.

Today is day one. End of. I need to put the boy to bed so will be back... :)

I'm sorry to dump this on you all but I thought drinking would numb my pain, it's not. I thought it would help me forget losing my mum and Pippa, it's not. I thought it would help me sleep and switch my head off, soften the light, turn down the noise.

It didn't.

So, there you have it. Mouse - 6th October 2014. xxx

Hugs for lovely hope xxx

phase you ok? You've been awfully quiet.?

wry we miss you honey, are you feeling ok? Can we help?

Love to all babes lurking, reading and posting xxx

Hello...? I think I might want to jump on the bus if I may?

I have been skimming through the thread and think I can relate to many of you.

My story is this. Basically, I drink too much! I have at least half a bottle of wine a night but, if I think about it properly, drinking is becoming more and more important. I often pop in for a drink or two if out with the dog, rarely have an alcohol free night, and generally under exaggerate how much I drink. If I go out (rare) I will often drink as much as I can of get there early so I can have one before anyone else arrives and we then get into buying rounds. If it's a party, even a family party (DH's family in particular are very straight laced so my behaviour stands out) I usually have a blackout and can't remember going to bed. Thankfully I don't now often go to parties (mainly as have a two year old DS.) I get horrendous hangovers, vomiting bile, and then want to eat rubbish all day. I am at least two and a half stone overweight.

Christ, that looks even worse written down! Thing is, a lot of people I know drink relatively heavily too; my friend says she feels smug if she manages to leave a few inches of wine in the bottle! My mum drinks like a bloody fish, more than me I reckon, and while she has many good points she's a twat when pissed and also hugely overweight (at a guess, 18-19 stone.) I don't want to morph into her!

Last night I bought the Allen Carr book on drinking as his method helped me quit smoking (previously the thought scared me, the thought of being booze free does similar to me now, both seem(ed) part of my identity. I am a quarter though (it's not the most riveting of reads so have to try not to lose concentration and instead take in what he's saying.) Please, if you think he talks a lot of tosh, don't tell me as I don't want any excuses to ignore it or put it down!

I can't either out if I want to give up forever, or just give up for a few months and get it under control. It's, during the week at least, largely habit - pouring a drink is my cut off from being a parent to being a grown up. I do know though that I need to get a serious handle on it as previous efforts to abstain have never lasted more than three days

Sorry about some of the sentences not making sense, bloody ipad keeps changing things and I didn't proof read!

mouse you are a very special lady, courageous, kind, beautiful and brave, you can do this and you will get better, you will be happy again, I know this to be true xxx

Hello everyone, sorry I am such a shit traveller at the mo, had to be looked after for a bit. The lookerafterer decided I didn't need my laptop and that I was to Take It Easy. Nice but now I need me MN fix. And will fight to the shiting death for it. So there.

I'm doing much better now, thank you, big ole fat leg and couldn't catch my puff for a bit but now officially on the mend. Lovely baby just for you, this is how my one manifested itself.

This used to be my ankle

Hi nancery, I'm new to the bus as well as of today. Thanks for the welcoming messages
babyjane you asked me a couple of things. I drink a bottle of wine most nights. If I'm "good" and manage to stick to half a bottle, I'll make up for that and drink the half left over and another one the following night. I must be doing around 60 units a week.

It's habit, boredom, comfort... But I can't have a glass, it has to be a bottle. Or two. So yes I'd love to moderate it. Be a normal person. Not a crap mother, wife, employee. Which is pretty much what I am right now.

mouse I really wish you well. Day 1.

mouse you are not dumping, honestly - we are all here for you

babyj you didn't sound like a bitch! it was clear what you meant!

ma am still waiting for news on Distracted Chap...?

beaches yeah apparently it's all to do with the histamines (naturally my first reaction was to think "that's okay, I can still drink as long as I take an antihistamine

Vairhona your relationship with wine sounds very familiar and is also why I don't buy it in a box! I would love to sit and sip a glass or two at a dinner party rather than drink at least a bottle but generally more, before blacking out and subsequently feeling dreadful and disgusted with myself. It's ugly and undignified and I hate myself for it. This is why I am hoping the book will change my point of view on alcohol and I will instead not want to rather than feel like am depriving myself of something.