The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Getting Ready For The Golden Sights Of Autumn In Search Of Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello everyone, I'm Mouse :) and this is the Bus I've been on a while now!

It's filled with a variety of drinkers. Those that do, those that don't, and those who are desperate to STOP but hide it, or embrace it and get the help they NEED.

'Help' in whatever form works for them, your friend or you. Be it AA, a Local Community Alcohol Counselling Group, your GP, your family/friends, this thread or even a combination of all of the above!

You have to want to stop drinking more than wanting to breathe.

I know that right now, that may sound like a ridiculous goal.

They got sober, One Day At A Time then came here during the process to chat about it, discuss their feelings, but more than anything else, their experiences HELPED OTHERS TO BELIEVE that they too could get dry.

They might not get dry and stay dry, sometimes they'll be lying about their consumption, fooling themselves as well as others

BUT when the posters do get dry for good, come back and post to help others with their tricks of the trade or just to say 'I did it!!' my heart jumps for joy because that person, poster, Brave Babe has gone through hell and back, lived to tell the tale and now wants to share that with the rest of the Bus to see if one simple trick or technique will put them on the track to recovery, sobriety, to the life that they want to lead :)

There's two saying that have appeared to stick with us -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

We all have our own reasons for starting to drink 'too much', we all have an excuse don't we.... we all have a "but....."

Well, as I say to Nemo (who you will get to hear about ) - goats butt!

And for those of you who want to know a bit more -

HERE IS THE MOST RECENT THREAD

AND THIS IS WHERE IT ALL BEGAN, OVER FOUR YEARS AGO!!!

See you soon x

Ds is a teenage boy almost. Dh has lost the rag, is now shouting at someone on a helpline forum. Seriously, this is getting out of hand.I have just told him not to speak to me as if I am a piece of shit! Ds has waited months to have this bloody thing and its all ending in tears!

Ma start a thread asking techies. It will be so much quicker than a helpline.

5 days AF done. Heading into day 6 and it's a friday :-S and I'm stressed. But determined.

Morning babes

me,me,me post- I seem to have lost the knack of sobriety altogether. I have no idea what I think or feel about it all any more- that's really odd isn't it?

I'm in the sidecar most nights now but i have a small quantity of wine. I'm not best pleased about it,but life is stressful and it's not the end of the world either. I have no idea what to do!!!!

I don't want to be completely sober anymore,and I'm moderating but I can't seem to get back my sober mojo.I hope that I'm just having a 'funny turn' and that with a bit of time I'll get sorted again,perhaps having a sober month or sober couple of weeks.

So strange,I sort of came to the end of how long I wanted to be sober for. All the sober blogs are written by people who have dramatically changed their lives after becoming sober,and many are written by people who haven't stayed sober as long as I did. Does that make sense?
There isn't much out there about lapsing and moderating.

I guess i am able to be sober for nearly a year and a half and that's all I can do- or am ready to do right now. I hope that I will do it again in the future but I'm not ready to try again now.

Any ideas lovely babes? pointing out that I am nuts will not help

Anyway,happy friday to all. Sober or not

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Ma - what's up with DS? I'm quite techy......

Guggs - you are stuck in the middle aren't you? You want to be a 'normal' drinker but know full well that when you open that bottle, the last thing you'll see is the bottom of it..... or am I wrong? CAN you control your levels?

I saw a Psychiatrist yesterday. I told him everything. He worked out that I'm drinking at least 50 - 60 units a week again.

I feel like such a tw@t. It's not me, I left that Mouse a long time ago but in the last few weeks...... she's crept back. I've lost ME. I want ME back. I'm hurting DH, I am snappy, horrid, rude, nasty, spiteful, fat, ugly, just not worth being with. I hate who I have become.

I want my Mum back. I need her, to tell her all of the things that I didn't, that I should have that I wanted to. It's utterly shit and I am drowning in y own self pity.

It's got to fricking stop for the sake of my family and I love them so so so so so so so much! I can't do this again.I can't.

He, the shrink, was lovely and he wants to build me a care team and for me to work with some people who can help me.

I don't want that, I want my mum and Pippa back. I want my DH back, I want to be like I was with him. I want Nemo to be better and not ill, no more complications every time that he goes somewhere hat he goes

It has to stop.I keep falling asleep.

I've lost my role in life, it's lots of things. I can't bear it. Someone make it stop. Nightmare, dreaming, not staying awake though...... grrrrrrr. I hate what I look like, my body, hair, face, everything. Me, me, me, me....... it's swirling around me. angst, nerves, worrying that Nemo will die too, or DH DD....

I'm going to take this out on the Wii Fit Plus.

Sorry. xxx

oh mouse, dearest mouse
You deal with a superhuman amount of pain and grief and little wonder you are now in free fall. I wish I could make it stop for you and help you to find the happy mouse that is the real you. You do so much for everyone else and when you are the anchor, it is hard to see that you are drowning.
I'm glad you are getting Psychiatric help and everyone on this here bus will help claw you back from the clutches of the wine witch.
I will NEVER forget how you helped me with DS's birthday some years ago - do you remember? Such immense kindness to a stranger..... I am here for you at all times. pm me sweetie!

mouse wise and correct as always- how about a bit of hand holding?
We could try for sober October together but without any pressure AT ALL?

yes,I'm stuck in the middle (with youoooo)

Wait- it's already October isn't it???? bum. Ok.

50-60 units- it bloody well creeps up doesn't it? Once you have got a bit of sobriety under your belt it is impossible to feel fine about wine again.

mouse one of my heros x

Do you know this bus is the most amazing place. I really dreaded owning up to drinking again,I probably deserve a kick up the arse but somehow I can come here and be honest. I feel a little more hopeful now.

guggs I am drinking still. Occasional AF days but otherwise not really trying if the truth be told. Have to drive tonight so will be AF free but I live pretty much in the sidecar

ma what an amazing phrase "when you are the anchor, it's hard to see that you are drowning" - how clever of you.

I meant to say earlier this week that I did think how brilliant you were to reply to the poster who came on this week and posted about her DH. I couldn't do it, when I realised she wasn't like us and she was seeking advice about her DH it really threw me. (I know that is my own personal issue, so I just stayed away from the Bus until she'd gone) but you were kind and generous and helpful - much more open-hearted than me!

How is the x-box this morning?

Mouse You are not any of those things you said. You are the bravest and best of us. We all love you. Please, please let us know if we can do anything to help xxx

(Guggs , Ma, shove up ladies, it is packed in this sidecar )

Wry - where are you ???? Have you gone on a mini-break with Baby and not told us? Check in so I can see you are both OK....

Funeral yesterday was truly lovely. A hard day but I think it made it easier on everyone that it was so well attended and so nice....

Have day off today - tons and tons to do for a very busy weekend ahead. Starting again with the sobriety and fitness on Monday. Spare kitkats at the front of the bus for you all (as if there is such a thing as a spare kitkat. I just mean eat them please before I get so fat I can't get in my car)

Wow amazing insightful posts - Guggs I have always thought you were amazing - If it helps - I have had enough of drinking - but I have had long sober periods in my time and lapsed due to stress, boredom or whatever. Anyway your posts have really helped me in the past.

Mouse you are amazing - strong, insightful and so generous with your words to others - glad you are getting help - you are still you -just a you that is being tested to the limit.

Everyone else I am pleased to be back on the bus again - Looking forward to getting to know you all :)

Hi all, new member here looking for advice on what you have told people about your reasons for not drinking. I'm doing good so far and hopefully will continue to do so. Time will tell. Anyway, I have a weekend away with friends in November and don't particularly want a big fuss/lots of questions about why I'm not drinking. Normally I would be the last to leave the bar so it will be stick out like a sore thumb...

I'm thinking of saying I'm doing the Stoptober thing and just decided to keep going.

What has worked for you?

Hi everyone,

Sorry to see all the bad times that are going down on the Bus

One of the reasons I like it here is that people don't have to leave because they're going through a period of drinking. It's not failure. It's just part of a long, long process.

50-60 units sounds like a lot, but it could always be so much worse. Even if all we're doing is reining it in just enough to keep functioning, we're still fighting. Life waits to throw all its shit moments at you at once, and we'd have to be robots or angels never to slide off the path we want to be on. We need to be kind to ourselves.

alias, sorry to hear you were a bit freaked out by the lady asking for advice on her partner's drinking. I didn't know if that was something that happened a lot on here or not. Is it that you feel vulnerable when people without their own addiction enter into the safe haven of the thread? I understand that.

Hi emo: day 6! Nice one! Plans for tonight?

Hello picky and jean, welcome.

picky, it sounds like you've already laid a good, solid foundation of support, which is brilliant. Your post sounds very determined and I've no doubt that, low as you may be, you can do this. Please do stick around and chat

jean: oooh, let me see: antibiotics (this is a good one: say it's a UTI and the questions stop ), health kick, weight loss, suddenly-discovered allergy or intolerance (this last one is difficult to explain if you're ever anticipating drinking again though!) Stoptober is a good one, or just plain old 'pretending to drink' when you get a round in. I've been preggers on and off for nearly two years and am a pass master at the 'gin and tonic', 'vodka and lemonade', etc.

Hi Jean. Nice to meet you. When I'm not drinking I either a) drive, so I can't, b) tell everyone I'm on a diet (though that stops me pigging out as well if meals are involved! Less effective excuse when devouring lasagne followed by a pudding) or c) am on antibiotics for an ear infection (do not have to fake wheezy cough as with chest infection, and only a freak would ask to look in your ear). Or in January I just tell them I'm doing Dry January. (which I did this year). The Stoptober thing is a great one too - and you could add that you are having November off the booze to detox a bit before December and party season? Whatever you decide, good luck!

Aww thank you joey. I think because I have been through the agonies of having a family member with alcoholism I understand how hard it is to watch it happen and have to deal with the fall out.
The Xbox doesn't work! Apparently a faulty disc drive and it will have to go back. Stand by for more raging from dh.
Off to a ceilidh tonight which I could do without tbh. Not in the mood. Dd1 might not go as she has a horrible cold, dd2 has had to go for emergency Physio on back and won't make it either and Ds is miserable because of said Xbox and says he won't be dancing. Should be a fun night.....

phrase yes I think you're right about the Bus feeling like a 'safe haven'. Knowing that whatever I post on here, everybody understands what we're all going through.

guggs I really don't know. I can see what you're saying. Maybe you have now learned how to moderate and you can take it or leave it? Glad you realise you can offload and he honest here though, you numpty

Mouse I hope, I hope to god geoff I'm not stepping out of line here. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But I am just wondering if you are mixing up missing your mum with your drinking?

It sounds to me like you feel that if she was here, with you still, everything would be okay. But, you know, it wouldn't. It would be lovely for you to have her here but you would still have to fight against that urge to 'make everything better' by drinking.

Mouse, you know me. You know me well enough to know I try very hard not to put my foot in it, so I am so very sorry if I have spoken out of turn. It's hard for me to put into words on a screen what I mean, but I really feel that you have to look after yourself first. You are not fat and ugly you really are the world to those who love you. You are their world.

Would you stop loving Nemo if he gained a few too many pounds or if he was grumpy or snapping because of the pain he is in? Give yourself a break, my lovely, and remember to take each day as it comes. Breathe. Relax. Look after yourself. Look after the basics needs of those you love but most of all, look after yourself!

xx

Thank you all I am in a strange head space and I will get back to moderating /sobriety but not tonight. Life is ...odd. Not bad or hard,just strange and I find it hard to process.

The bus is a lifeline to me and I appreciate all responses. I think I want a magic wand so that I can drink AND still be ok. Of course that can't happen,I need to deal with reality although I'd love to escape.

Night all and thank you x

BBC1 NOW!!!

Sorry for shouting, but they were reporting on giving those who drink 'too much' a pill to take so that you don't enjoy the taste/experience etc of alcohol anymore....

"It's a pill designed to reduce alcohol consumption among problem drinkers, and looks set to be made available to NHS patients in England and Wales.

Nalmefene should be made available to people who regularly drink high amounts of alcohol, the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) said.
'Costing just over £3 a tablet, it is already prescribed in Scotland.'

Final guidance is set to be published next month and NICE says 600,000 people would be eligible for the drug."

The thing is, you could give a placebo to half of the people and the real deal to the rest and bet your life that those on the placebo would declare that they had stopped or reduced their drinking.

It's a state of mind for so many people.... people drink for a reason. There is always a reason.

Anyway - thank you so very much for all of the wonderful posts, I've not really read through them as I was watching the news.

I'll be back I promise.

Be safe Babes. Thinking of you all xxx

Back from ceilidh. Was danced off the floor by a sprightly 80 year old. Oh the shame. No booze as was driving. Its is so easy to do when I am out. Why so hard when I am at home?
Ds was bored and started folding one of the napkins. Nice lady opposite asked him kindly" now will this be a plane you're making?". Ds gave a final manly- flourish and presented her with a perfectly turned water lily! He may never turn out for the first 15 but he makes a damn fine table decorations bless him.

Day 1
Will try not to do pissed posts again. Ahem.

mouse I'm exactly the kind of idiot that the drinking pill is aimed at,I think I want sobriety but the alkie part of my brain takes over and secretly I still want to be able to drink. Doesn't ever go away. I wish that we had the help that smokers have,patches and gum etc. I would use those in a heartbeat.

ma awesome. You have a very creative family you know.

Righto- will stock up with nice soft drinks and aim to go and read in bed when the ww comes calling. I'm going to check in with the bus every day even if I'm drinking and download some apps to keep check on things.
Any other good suggestions?

Have a lovely saturday x

I read about that pill too. I bet they have massively underestimated the amount of people who might want to try it though. Heavy drinking is common in our society, there must be loads that can't control it but just live with it day to day.

At £3 a pill it's going to cost the NHS a fortune. I wonder what their selection criteria will be?

Hi Everyone,

Checking in again - I got through to Saturday! And If I keep my focus today, I'll make it to a whole week again. Friday is actually harder for me than Saturday, and it was really bloody hard this week! I just felt like I deserved some (read 1 - 2 bottles of) wine after a stressful week.

Guggenheim I really feel what you're saying about losing the sober mojo. I feel like some of the "urgency" I initially felt when I started on this path (at the end of August only!) has dropped away. I know it's just more tricks of the wine-witch - maybe it's coz I drank last weekend, and then "managed" to not drink during the week, the thoughts are sneaking in that I could have a few at the weekend. The problem is, I know I didn't drink "normally" last weekend. And I know I don't want it, but sometimes I forget that I can't drink normally. Or maybe I just want to forget.

Mouse 50-60 units per week was where I was before I first stopped at the end of August. And it felt like "not that much at all". Things sound so very very tough for you. I'm glad you can be honest with your psychiatrist, and that you're taking it out on your Wii Fit. I wish things were fairer and easier for you.

PhraseAndFable I got through the evening by distraction mainly - shopping with DH and DTSs, and treated myself to some junk food "instead". Eventually I'll have to deal with the eating issues, but for now I think it's still less calories than I used to drink!

dementedma I think (for me anyway) one of the reasons it's so hard when you're home is that you are faced full on with so much of yourself and your own emotions. I have a tendency to want to run away from or block out my difficult emotions - I know, immature as hell. Drink seems like such a draw when I'm feeling ungood and lonely and sad and unable to exist within myself anymore.

Anyway, I stayed up too late reading, so a later morning than I'd intended, but I must get up, clean house and cook a roast beef - and NOT DRINK today.