The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Getting Ready For The Golden Sights Of Autumn In Search Of Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello everyone, I'm Mouse :) and this is the Bus I've been on a while now!

It's filled with a variety of drinkers. Those that do, those that don't, and those who are desperate to STOP but hide it, or embrace it and get the help they NEED.

'Help' in whatever form works for them, your friend or you. Be it AA, a Local Community Alcohol Counselling Group, your GP, your family/friends, this thread or even a combination of all of the above!

You have to want to stop drinking more than wanting to breathe.

I know that right now, that may sound like a ridiculous goal.

They got sober, One Day At A Time then came here during the process to chat about it, discuss their feelings, but more than anything else, their experiences HELPED OTHERS TO BELIEVE that they too could get dry.

They might not get dry and stay dry, sometimes they'll be lying about their consumption, fooling themselves as well as others

BUT when the posters do get dry for good, come back and post to help others with their tricks of the trade or just to say 'I did it!!' my heart jumps for joy because that person, poster, Brave Babe has gone through hell and back, lived to tell the tale and now wants to share that with the rest of the Bus to see if one simple trick or technique will put them on the track to recovery, sobriety, to the life that they want to lead :)

There's two saying that have appeared to stick with us -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

We all have our own reasons for starting to drink 'too much', we all have an excuse don't we.... we all have a "but....."

Well, as I say to Nemo (who you will get to hear about ) - goats butt!

And for those of you who want to know a bit more -

HERE IS THE MOST RECENT THREAD

AND THIS IS WHERE IT ALL BEGAN, OVER FOUR YEARS AGO!!!

See you soon x

Just lost my temper with my mother. Nearly put the phone down. But didn't. pLEASE can I have a drink now

Dont do it joey
Have a hot chocolate or a cup of tea. What was the row about?

Many years ago my DH had a silly sports car which he had to sell because he couldn't afford it. Since then, my DM constantly accuses him of being profligate with money. I know he has faults, but his current car is not expensive (part of the reason he's such a miserable sod is because he has no money or nice stuff right now)

Anyway, car broke down again today, and she was criticising him, saying he shouldn't waste his money on fast cars etc. ffs it's a basic 12 year old, I know he was an idiot years ago but she kept on harping on and on, I kept defending him....

D'arrgh. At least she doesn't know the extent of his misery-fest - that would really give her something to pick on!

Joey I would have lost my temper too but please don't let it make you drink, you will be even more pissed off tomorrow. That's just the 'A' part of HALT x

Night babes

Day 1 has been easy- because I have only just, flaming well, stopped for the evening

joey your dm is being v. unreasonable! Daft.

baby x

Right tomorrow will be harder because I know I'll be tempted but aiming for another af day tomoz. Night all- sweet dreams.

I haven't had any wine but I posted a very passive-aggressive post on my Facebook...I haven't accepted DMs friend request so far, but considering doing it now so she sees the post... God she makes me act like a teenager again!

Sorry for the rant.

How are you doing ma? Any more distracted emails, phone calls?

Hey, tis me, Mouse

Stressed - you won't know of me or my background but from what I have read and what I've been through myself, he has very little respect for anyone or anything but alcohol.

I've heard those words. Read those texts. Felt that stabbing pain of rejection in my gut.........

Sweetie, what he said to you about coming home rings sooooo many bells. Stay safe. xxx

Guggs - how are YOU my lovely, we've missed each other of late, I hope you are ok xxx

Joey - STEP AWAY FROM THE DRINK!! IT'S MONDAY!!! Just another day. Yes, your mum has wound you up, and I want to say that at least you have a mum, no matter how toxic but I get it. They wind you up like a coiled spring and make you want to get wasted! I do get it, I promise.

I just miss my mum is all, (forgive me saying these words to you) even though we had some real humdingers of screaming matches! We could yell about the dust in the sunlight, dancing in the sun, falling into the room and make it a negative thing if we felt that way out.

Sweetie, come on, be brave. We all love and support you. Don't undo what you've achieved. :) xxx

I'm off to bed now as I am taking Nemo to his SN club in the morning before school. It adds to my pain levels because it's too early for my meds to actually kick in.... but today, today Nemo joined in!! :D

I was so, so, so proud of him. We did it together! The Dexys SN thing and he wanted to be a part of something new.

Tomorrow is a bloomin' assault course! Well, 'object' course! :D

I shall report back! From the sofa or bed, depending on how much pain I'm in!

Love and strength to you all. xxx

Now I know exactly what the meaning of 'The WHITE Elephant in the room' is !

On the plus side, he only had a few cans of beer last night.
Actually had orange squash with his dinner ! That's a first !

The talking consisted of his behaviour and went onto my DC behaviour....
Then onto how he is drinking more atm, as he hates the travel back to mine from work.... 18 miles across London via tube and buses.

Feels like there's something between us now.

Morning stressed. I'm glad you talked.

When you say 'there's something between us now', do you mean a barrier or a bond?

I'm afraid that travelling 18 miles across London isn't any reason to drink heavily. When alcohol has taken hold, everything's a reason you deserve a drink: you're happy, you're sad, you've had a long day, you had a row with your partner, the boiler broke down, your child got a good school report . . . these are the things you say to yourself to rationalise and excuse your need to drink. You try to deceive even yourself, so that you can feel OK about yourself.

And some of these things, also, are triggers: many people turn to drink to get through stressful, sad or difficult times, and alcohol becomes associated with that. So when something difficult turns up, your first port of call is 'I'll have a drink. That'll make everything better.'

I'm not speaking, by the way, from the lofty position of having this all sorted - I still struggle with it every day, and often fail. It's hard to overwrite old programmes. But I'm trying, and I'm trying to see the world honestly, and so is everyone else here. That's the key.

Whatever stresses he is going through, there are other ways of dealing with them. With a will to change and the right support, he can turn things round. But he has to honestly acknowledge his problem, stop excusing it, and commit to a long fight to get his life back.

At the moment it sounds like he's still saying it's someone or something else's fault. If he would rather throw away his relationship with you and your DC than face his problem, I'm afraid you deserve much, much better

Joey, uuuuurgh - that's very annoying. I have a toxic mother (not that I'm saying yours necessarily is! ). Currently she is Not Phoning Me because I said I'd rather she didn't come to my house for a three-day stay, mid-week, one on one (would rather eat my own eyeballs). I offered her a weekend stay but she didn't want it. This means she's been crying to my brother about how I Don't Love Her and we'll be sorry when she's dead. There's nowt you can do when they're being unreasonable except withdraw, I find

guggs, sending you solidarity wishes for today! You can do it!

So does, the fact that he obviously made an effort to drink a lot less last night not mean anything ?
He wasn't even tipsy.
He was how ever in a bit of a mood and obviously deep in thought at times.
I obviously seem to have taken the other side... after 10 months of every thing being normal.
It seems like he doesn't care he drinks, he doesn't care it will kill him.

His eldest DD (14) stopped talking to him earlier this year, she lives in Devon. I don't know why she doesn't want contact with him anymore, but I know he was and is very upset.

(sorry if I'm taking over the thread)

Morning guys, stressed I'm glad you got to talk, I guess you just need to see what the next week or 2 brings, keep posting here for support and advice, we sure do know about booze, the good the bad and the ugly xxxx

Hope everyone is well, I survived dd2's birthday so today it's clearing the debris and tackling the washing I missed yesterday, so rock n roll, day 16 and I've decided tonight is going to be my first night ever trying to run, can anyone advise on any good apps to start the process off safely, I thought it would be a good stress buster xxx

No, it doesn't necessarily mean nothing stressed. It could be significant, it could not.

It's all about what's going on in his head. You'll have to see if this is the start of a long-term change, or if it wears off.

Everything hasn't been normal for 10 months, love . Not if that 10 months drives you to posting on here. You're not the cause of whatever happens next - his behaviour is.

Like ma says, see how it goes and talk on here if you want to. You'll need to make sure you stay in reality and don't get sucked into any deception that's going on. Have you looked at Al-Anon?

ma, I would go walk-run-walk-run-walk-run for the first few, and do short distances - a couple of miles maybe. That way you can work your aerobic and muscular fitness up gradually to tackle whole runs. Stretch beforehand for at least 45 seconds per muscle, particularly your calves (shin splints are easy to pick up), and make sure you're wearing the right trainers. I used to run a fair bit but haven't dared since I got pregnant. I think I'm just holding my breath until we've had the scan done. Good luck!

Boobs are a lot less sore today, and I don't feel sick. I realised last night that I am actually dreading the scan on Monday. I've got so much bad news in those horrible little rooms that the thought of lying there while they scan me actually make me feel quite panicky. I don't know what I'm going to do if it's more bad news. The spectre of a wine bottle keeps rising up in front of me

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Oops, that was baby I should have addressed those remarks to, not ma Sorry! I'm going crazy.

^ Thank you.

I think he is still thinking.
I've asked him a few things on text, and he has been honest and calm with the answers.
I asked him if he had a problem ?
He replied; I have a problem with drink, I like drinking. What I don't need is a drink to function but I wonder why I drink when I do things like the other night and whether it is worth it.

I'm going to take that with a pinch of salt, but at least that damn Elephant has been pointed out now.... and yes I was the one avoiding it !

One day at a time apparently... I will go to a Al- non meeting asap.

Do I tell him I'm going or not though ?

stressed and phase I just lost another mega post to you guys.

To summarise, phrase thanks for the advice and I have downloaded a good app which will keep me in the right track, get it, run, track!!! I need to get some weight off and clear my head sometimes so running seems to be a viable option, watch this arse, I mean space xxx

I continue to will you strength every single day, you sound utterly lovely and will be a wonderful mother, your day will come soon lovely, I'm sure of it. Xxx

stressed I would defo NOT tell him about al anon just yet, he may think you are crowding him and his stubbornness may kick in, let him process his thoughts and your conversation, this needs to start with him, I really feel for you and if he's already questioning himself about recent events the worm may be turning, good luck my friendxxx

Right I'm posting now to avoid a complete meltdown if I lose this xx

stressed and phase I just lost another mega post to you guys.

To summarise, phrase thanks for the advice and I have downloaded a good app which will keep me in the right track, get it, run, track!!! I need to get some weight off and clear my head sometimes so running seems to be a viable option, watch this arse, I mean space xxx

I continue to will you strength every single day, you sound utterly lovely and will be a wonderful mother, your day will come soon lovely, I'm sure of it. Xxx

stressed I would defo NOT tell him about al anon just yet, he may think you are crowding him and his stubbornness may kick in, let him process his thoughts and your conversation, this needs to start with him, I really feel for you and if he's already questioning himself about recent events the worm may be turning, good luck my friendxxx

Right I'm posting now to avoid a complete meltdown if I lose this xx

I have a problem with drink, I like drinking. What I don't need is a drink to function but I wonder why I drink when I do things like the other night and whether it is worth it. this to me sounds like he is starting to think about it most of us started this way. It does not mean things will change straight away, the orange squash and less beer seems a good sighn that he wants to make a change. Do you want to stay with him? it will be an emotional rollercoaster as he will sway from 'i am going to stop / cut down' to 'fuck it I will drink if I bloody well want to' I think its too early to suggest the AL anon, he is not yet recognising the scale of the problem as like I used to he thinks he can control it himself as he does not need a drink to function, which begs the question why does he drink so much if its not to help him function in some scenarios? you have confronted it now and you need to keep talking, look for compromises and look for support for yourself, make plans for yourself too in case you decide not to stay with him, above all do not or let him make you feel any guilt it is him who is pouring the drinks not you. don't judge but do make it easier for him not to drink... find things to do together away from the drink, don't buy it with the weekly shop, buy nice alcohol free alternatives and be honest with him. good luck

ps: day 2, not great but better than yet another day 1

Good morning babes, god I've had a terrible night, I hurt my back last night, I've hurt it in same place a few times and spent the whole night lying in agony and then took a crohn's attack about 3am then had horrendous nightmares on and off. I feel exhausted and weepy and sorry for myself AND pouring here, no boing here today. Xxx

Good morning babes, god I've had a terrible night, I hurt my back last night, I've hurt it in same place a few times and spent the whole night lying in agony and then took a crohn's attack about 3am then had horrendous nightmares on and off. I feel exhausted and weepy and sorry for myself AND pouring here, no boing here today. Xxx

Morning babes - happy October. Can't believe not posted for another week - my life is so busy right now, from when I leave the house to when I get in from kids' activities at 9ish ready to make a sandwich, shower and fall asleep. Any spare time I have I try to talk to dd - really don't want to lose her now she's at high school, and spend so much time with ds due to his sports.

Had some blood tests Monday (to check if I have gone into menopause - eek) but supposed to ring for them today. Irrationally terrified as it is a full blood count and worried they might say I have no liver left after years of boozing (or maybe that's a rational worry). Have a massive two days at work coming up including dinner with lots of bigwigs and evil, terryifying overlord from work who is a real bully and delights in putting you on the spot. Am actually having to revise for a dinner so I can make intelligent conversation! And can't face bloods results on top of that so may just make an appointment with my GP next week...

Baby - oh, big, big hugs to you my lovely . You poor thing. Can you stay in bed today and look after yourself? I hope you feel better soon (wraps blanket round baby and hands her a hot chocolate, with marshmallows and everything)

Ma - can't believe I missed the photos of your dd's. Bet they are gorgeous like you. Any more news on the distracted front? and how is ds enjoying school this term?

Mouse - great news about little Nemo joining in at SN! Those moments make your heart sing don't they?

Phase - hope all well with you and little Gerald. Don't wear yourself out too much, put your feet up chick

Anne, Soc, Spanna and lovely Wry - how are you ladies?

Stressed - welcome. Hope you are OK. Lots of good advice on here...

Isinde - belated happy birthday chick. Love the Mick Hucknall sister story. Now I am imagining you as the girl off the Beautiful South 'Little Time' video

Must get ready for work now. Trying to buy a car and organise a march on Saturday too (complete with kids' section and crafts and face painting). Can't afford the car I want and feel guilty buying it but ffs my current car is 15 years old with a hole in the exhaust and the windows held up with string !

Big bosies all (nicking Wry's phrase there. I want to be one of the Scottish gang!!!

Sorry if I've missed anyone. love you all xxxx

Morning all.

Boobs still not very sore this morning . It's been feeling so different up until now, and suddenly it's almost back to normal again.

I'm hoping it's because I've just been sat on my arse the last few days, and the rest has reduced the nausea. I kind of can't be bothered to hope though, I've spent so long doing it with the last few pregnancies, mithering on about how it's normal for symptoms to come and go and then being shown I was a fool at the early scan.

Still, I did cry this morning because Michael Morpurgo was on Radio 4 talking about the sinking of the Lusitania in 1915. That's got to be the hormones, right?

phrase honestly when I was pregnant at 40 with dd2 it was a huge surprise as I was told I couldn't have anymore due to my
Advancing crohn's causing scarring and my pelvis being inflamed with the disease, infact at 20 I was told I'd never have any kids and look how that turned out, 2 gorgeous girls 15 & 4 later. Anyway some days I felt like shit but other days I felt pretty normal, don't overanalyse things which is easy for me to say I know but worry and stress will make YOU ill and right now your the mother ship!!!! I think of you every single day and send you all the good karma in the world. My 2 girls were my miracles so I'm sending my 3rd to you xxxxc

looking great to have you back girlfriend, your posts are like a warm hug, your so sparky and generous with everyone. Loving the hot chocolate, your a sweetheart, mwah xxxx