The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Getting Ready For The Golden Sights Of Autumn In Search Of Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello everyone, I'm Mouse :) and this is the Bus I've been on a while now!

It's filled with a variety of drinkers. Those that do, those that don't, and those who are desperate to STOP but hide it, or embrace it and get the help they NEED.

'Help' in whatever form works for them, your friend or you. Be it AA, a Local Community Alcohol Counselling Group, your GP, your family/friends, this thread or even a combination of all of the above!

You have to want to stop drinking more than wanting to breathe.

I know that right now, that may sound like a ridiculous goal.

They got sober, One Day At A Time then came here during the process to chat about it, discuss their feelings, but more than anything else, their experiences HELPED OTHERS TO BELIEVE that they too could get dry.

They might not get dry and stay dry, sometimes they'll be lying about their consumption, fooling themselves as well as others

BUT when the posters do get dry for good, come back and post to help others with their tricks of the trade or just to say 'I did it!!' my heart jumps for joy because that person, poster, Brave Babe has gone through hell and back, lived to tell the tale and now wants to share that with the rest of the Bus to see if one simple trick or technique will put them on the track to recovery, sobriety, to the life that they want to lead :)

There's two saying that have appeared to stick with us -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

We all have our own reasons for starting to drink 'too much', we all have an excuse don't we.... we all have a "but....."

Well, as I say to Nemo (who you will get to hear about ) - goats butt!

And for those of you who want to know a bit more -

HERE IS THE MOST RECENT THREAD

AND THIS IS WHERE IT ALL BEGAN, OVER FOUR YEARS AGO!!!

See you soon x

There you go wry, the crabster's on it.

One crucial piece of info I should add: you need to eject the card from your computer once you've finished copying off it. Popping it straight out may damage your computer.

There are loads of ways of doing this, but as I'm not sure what your computer's setup is, one of these 2 is probably easiest:

1. Go to 'My Computer', 'This PC' or similar - the bit with Documents, Desktop etc listed within it - and look at Devices and Drives. There, next to your normal C and D drives, you'll see a new icon representing the memory card. Right-click on this and select 'Eject'.

2. At the bottom of your desktop there's a bar with the date and time on the right-hand side. On the same side there's also a row of little symbols and a little triangle for more options. If you can see a little symbol of a USB cable with a green circle and tick, that's the one you want. If not, left-click the triangle. An extra little window will appear above with more symbols. The USB cable with tick should be in here. Click on the symbol.

Either 1) or 2) will result in a little window saying 'Safe to remove hardware'. You can now pop the card out.

Provided you don't cut any files (aways copy or drag), delete any files or pull the card out without ejecting, you can't do any damage and there won't be any trace.

Even if there's a bit of a panic and you have to pop the card out without ejecting, you'll probably be fine. It's just a bit risky.

Best of luck x

And now I've cross-posted with you, crabby!

JINX

Oh goodie. Bus is on some kind of 007 mission. All this hacking and clandestine behaviour. Do we get to go to exotic locations. We can become Bond Babes

Hairy balls to being a Bond girl I want to be Bond - Jemima Bond

Licensed to carry out mundane IT tasks.

Does that make wry's partner Blofeld? If he has a white cat and an eyepatch we're on.

(Sorry wry )

Jemima Bond has to eat every hour, shield her tits during hand-to-hand fighting and pause to do a bit of deep breathing if she feels sick.

Any chance of some advice please ?

You lot are a bunch of nutters and I love you all for it....

Day 15 and 4 years ago today I gave birth to dd2!!! I'm in a kids play zone on bank holiday Monday, slightly insane but so relieved not to be hungover, it's funny I get to carry the baby, get sawn in half to deliver her and she gets all the presents.

I'm all set for healthy October and "operation fabulous" shall begin in earnest .

Have a great afternoon y'all xxxx

stressed if course we'll try to help, what's up honey? Xxxx

Hello stressed welcome. Lots of advice and support here. Also Opal Fruits and madness.

I met my current BF, last October, fantastic bloke but quite obviously likes to drink a lot.
Not judging I drink myself, although I try to keep it to social.
Fell in love with him quite quickly and he with me. I have two DC from a previous relationship, he the same.
Anyway, he sort of started staying at mine more and more in May and now lives with us.
He works hard and see's his DD daily, we both have a lot of baggage but have been understanding to each other..... though today I have admitted to myself he has a problem. I always knew this and I have brought this man into my life, knowing this.
He has good days and days when he is already slurring at 7pm.
He gets up to work everyday, without fail, when I say he is stubborn.... you have no idea. I think this is what keeps him going.
We went to a theme park over the weekend with my DC's, we had a great weekend, but he had a can before we left and a couple in the park.
Yesterday, he was making a roast and was pissed by 8pm.
He had a strop about me and my DC ( not the first time) and went to bed to sulk. I asked him what I had done and he started swearing and calling me stuff and my DC. ( not to them, to me)
As usual there was a text apology awaiting for me when I woke up....
I feel like I'm doing wrong though today.... it's happened one too many times and I'm allowing it.
I want to be with him but I don't want to keep enabling him.
I cant let my DC see this.
I feel so upset about losing him, but will he change ?

I want to know what to do.
I feel like I should walk away, but then I'm leaving him to... what I don't want to think about.
I'm so confused, upset with myself and sorry for him.

Hugs for guggs glad your back honey, missed you sooooo much.

stressed my battery is about to run out so I'll come back to you later babe xxxx

stressed, hello. I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds really, really difficult and complicated

Every person with an alcohol problem is different, and so it's really hard to say anything definite about what the future may hold. Though I wish I could, I can't tell you whether your BF will change, or how he feels about his drinking, or how he'll react to you raising it with him.

All I can say is that it is possible for people to change. I recognise a number of the behaviours in your post. I've been the one slurring by 7, pissed by 8 (especially when cooking) and drinking every day. I've forced myself out of bed and into work every day and thought that meant everything was fine.

I started sorting it out when I had a terrible argument with my beloved DH and he told me he couldn't take it any more. It was the worst time of my life, but it was the best thing that could have happened. I hated myself, I was scared, and I knew inside that I had a problem. I decided to change. Since then it's been a struggle, but I've never returned to those levels of drinking and I'm getting better, gradually, all the time.

Of course, it's not your responsibility to change him, nor is it in your power. That's with him. But it sounds like you're at your wit's end, and possibly withholding from talking to him as you feel it may lead to you breaking up. That's possible, but it may also be exactly what he needs.

But then again, he may take this extremely badly. Alcohol is also very powerful, and if your BF is not ready to face what's happening then he may get angry. I don't want to recommend broaching it with him if there's a possibility that he might become aggressive or violent, especially with your DC around.

Have you looked at support organisations for people whose loved ones are affected by alcohol? Others on this thread may know more about them than I, and have suggestions.

Remember: you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it.

I wish you the very best

Hello, Thanks for the reply.
A few months into our relationship, he admitted he had a problem and said he just wanted someone to love him the way he is and accept him the way he is. He wasn't going to change.
Obviously I didn't realise the extent of it back then.
Recently he said he would change on his own terms when he was ready to.....
I get the feeling he will never change, he doesn't seem to care about the pain he is causing or that he will eventually kill himself and it is this, the latter that I find so upsetting and hard to understand.

welcome stressed. that's a tough one.
people can and do change their relationships with alcohol. many of the Babes on the Bus are living evidence of that. But there has to be a realisation of the need to change. If your BF is getting unpleasant/aggressive then its time to face the music. Death by alcoholism is a slow one and while he's doing it he will destroy you and your dcs. Can you make time to have a very very serious talk and see if he wants to change? If so, there is tons of help out there and on this here bus.

Thank you ^.
I texted him earlier; stating

I think it's time I stopped the denial now.
You have a problem and there's nothing I can do about it.
Either way I will lose you, sooner or later.
I just don't know if I cant stand around and watch anymore.

He replied; ok, let me know what you want to do.

He just asked if I wanted him to find somewhere else to stay tonight. (text)

Half of me wanted to say yes because I think that is the right thing to do.
The other half said No, because of where he would stay tonight, as once he slept in his van after I asked him to leave (when he was drunk).

Anyway, One less child around this evening, so I will talk to him.
He needs to know my point of view.
Also, there is a Al anon nearby, so I may get some insight before I make my decision.

Oh dear stressed, that doesn't sound good

You deserve looking after. It's no good of your boyfriend to say that you have to love him the way that he is. His drinking is not a natural part of his personality, it is an addiction which has taken hold of him. And no matter how appallingly sad it is that he is in his situation, it's not OK for him to get drunk and be horrible to you and the DC.

By admitting that he has a problem and then telling you that he wants to be accepted the way he is, he is effectively taking away your power to challenge him. It looks a bit like he 'made you a deal' at the start of your relationship, but before you knew exactly what the deal entailed. That's not on. Currently, he is choosing to adjust his life to accommodate his problem, and that will mean compromising everything else, including his relationship with you.

You can't live with that, so you need to know if he's going to change. Like ma says, sounds like it's time for a serious talk. Change is possible, but it takes huge determination and it can only be achieved by him, for him. It's not something that can be done grudgingly, 'for you', or 'so we can stay together.' Really choosing to change after a long while of drinking is devastating, because you have to look honestly at the damage you have done to yourself and others during all that time. A real will to change is easily distinguishable from lip service.

And yes, lots of support here

X-post stressed, sorry

That was for your previous message.

He replied; ok, let me know what you want to do.

God, I'm sorry stressed What a useless response.

He is putting all of the responsibility for what happens next onto you.

If you don't want him in the house or don't feel safe with him in the house, you don't have to say he can stay. He is an adult and you are not responsible for looking after him. Do what is right for you.

I think it would be really helpful to contact al-anon and speak to some people in similar situations to your. They will have useful insights and lots of support.

[ He is putting all of the responsibility for what happens next onto you. ]

I never thought about it like that ! That is jaw dropping !

He's not aggressive, just a bit of a twat sometimes, but yes, me and the DC come first. As you say, the choice lies with him, I need to be strong.
Just didn't realise how hard it would be.

sadly it seems to be the time for a proper heart to heart, you need to tell him how worried you are about his health and explain how his drinking is affecting you. he needs to take a hard look at his reasons for drinking so much and decide if he wants to change, its not easy.... all of us here can agree with that, he may choose not to change in which case you know it will only get worse and you have decisions to make, if he chooses to try and change get yourself some support if you want to support him through this, reading the threads will show you how hard it is and most of us have had numerous relapses, can you deal with this? again, be clear with him what you want and what (if anything) you are perpared to do to help him change. good luck

stressed I just lost a massive post I wrote to you, eccles is bang on, if you buckle it's a put up and shut up situation, I hope it goes your way babe and he can recognise how lucky he is to have struck gold with a loyal, lovely partner like you.

Hugs for you my lovely xxx

stressed I just lost a massive post I wrote to you, eccles is bang on, if you buckle it's a put up and shut up situation, I hope it goes your way babe and he can recognise how lucky he is to have struck gold with a loyal, lovely partner like you.

Hugs for you my lovely xxx

Another good run tonight. Getting back into it and enjoying the me time. AF tonight.
stressed are you OK?
wry how is stealth mission photo snatch coming along?

Aaaagggghhh