The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Getting Ready For The Golden Sights Of Autumn In Search Of Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello everyone, I'm Mouse :) and this is the Bus I've been on a while now!

It's filled with a variety of drinkers. Those that do, those that don't, and those who are desperate to STOP but hide it, or embrace it and get the help they NEED.

'Help' in whatever form works for them, your friend or you. Be it AA, a Local Community Alcohol Counselling Group, your GP, your family/friends, this thread or even a combination of all of the above!

You have to want to stop drinking more than wanting to breathe.

I know that right now, that may sound like a ridiculous goal.

They got sober, One Day At A Time then came here during the process to chat about it, discuss their feelings, but more than anything else, their experiences HELPED OTHERS TO BELIEVE that they too could get dry.

They might not get dry and stay dry, sometimes they'll be lying about their consumption, fooling themselves as well as others

BUT when the posters do get dry for good, come back and post to help others with their tricks of the trade or just to say 'I did it!!' my heart jumps for joy because that person, poster, Brave Babe has gone through hell and back, lived to tell the tale and now wants to share that with the rest of the Bus to see if one simple trick or technique will put them on the track to recovery, sobriety, to the life that they want to lead :)

There's two saying that have appeared to stick with us -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

We all have our own reasons for starting to drink 'too much', we all have an excuse don't we.... we all have a "but....."

Well, as I say to Nemo (who you will get to hear about ) - goats butt!

And for those of you who want to know a bit more -

HERE IS THE MOST RECENT THREAD

AND THIS IS WHERE IT ALL BEGAN, OVER FOUR YEARS AGO!!!

See you soon x

Hi to emopod and chick, welcome to the bus. Make yourself comfortable, there will be lots of us around later. For now though, I have to go to work.

See ya later x

Welcome emopod and chick and well done for being brave and posting! You will find lots of support and advice on here.

a quick welcome to emopod and chick from me too but in work and got to run.
Day 1 AGAIN for me....

Gosh what a horrid day - cold and grey and wet. So my treat is some nice warm socks (warmed on the radiator) and a big mug of hot chocolate.

Hope others are finding ways to cheer themselves today xx

Room for another on the bus? I need to join you, I have lurked on and off from the beginning (have been on MN for years but NC for this) but today I have had enough and know I need to do something.

Welcome truly

Hello all,

A few more on the bus today! Welcome aboard

emopod 15 days is fantastic, well done. I think children help motivate many of us, we want to be better for them as well as for us. seeing the tape through to the end is such a brilliant tool, that first delicious sip is such an illusion (speaking for myself now), in reality, it is the desire to drink the bottle at least, the anxiety of not getting my full share or running out, the early morning drinkers dawn where I lie feeling worthless and desperate and then the repeat of the whole thing. When I play it through honestly to myself, the first glass is not so tempting. Keep going, you are doing great.

chick Things are basically OK, which is why it's hard to stop drinking. THIS. I can really relate to that, although there is a low level feeling of things going bad, everything is functioning ok and it is very hard to stop. It sounds like you have a lot to manage too. I have no experience of AA but can do a bit of hand holding . This is a good place to find some support and you are very welcome.

truly hello today seems like a good day to make a change, welcome to the bus.

Spanna did you stay up late watching movies on a school night? so it is white knuckle day for you today? That bloomin' day 3 when old vinegar tits seems very convincing - don't listen, cover your ears and sing! Good luck. Whispers

Venus sunny and crisp here and will be doing some cooking with the radio on to cheer me today (after a load of paperwork that I really must do first). Warmed socks, now there is a lovely feeling!

Love to all other babes. Xx

Things are basically OK hmm, this is interesting. When I was drinking (shed loads), I would have called myself a functional alcoholic. i.e. I knew I had a bit of an problem but I was still holding down a responsible job (and sometimes being really brilliant in it), I wasn't sleeping on a park bench, I wasn't missing lots of days of work, I hadn't been done for drunk driving, I hadn't messed up the relationship with dp......

But two things struck me with force. Mostly I could add 'yet' to all those phrases above, and I could see clearly that in all honesty it was only a matter of time.....

And then when I wasn't drinking I could shake the grey mist from my eyes and see how half-heartedly I'd been living that life. I was in a responsible job, but my god sometimes I was piss-poor at it, avoiding situations and ineffectually shuffling paperwork on the morning when I was a bit hung-over. I may not have been sleeping on a park bench, but I was always the woman drinking wine on the train (actually I used to drink those little mini-bottles of champagne, because I thought that everyone would forgive a woman who was so obviously 'celebrating' ). I came so close to risking the nightmare of a drink-driving accident. And it would have only taken a tiny slip for all my cover to have been blown with dp - if he'd found my stash of empties, or found my concealed bottles of gin then I think his trust and naivety would have blown away in a flash and he would see all the previous years in a clearer light (and he'd not have recovered from having his trust abused ).

I spent years telling myself I was doing OK, when in reality I was doing mediocre. And whoever you are, whatever job you do, whatever talents you have, however you behave as a friend, or a Mum, or a partner, we can all be more than mediocre.

Day 34???
Wow beaches bloody well done!

thanks Ma I am just as surprised as you!

Venus next time I am on a plane/train and see a lady 'celebrating' on her own, I will think of you . We are very inventive when it comes to presenting our acceptable drinking aren't we?

Beaches 34 DAYS IS FANTASTIC awesome going babe. I crumbled on Day 32 Now coming to the end of Day 3, nearly done. It's been really warm and sunny here today (been at work for most of it) Not really feeling vinegar tits, she's not been about much, I think I'm still trying to unpoison myself from the past week or so

Welcome Emopod keep going Babe you've made a real dent into the routine, 15 Days is fab, well done, just keep watching the film to the end, it won't be pretty

Hello Chick and Truly you're on a lovely bus that's full of support, Welcome

Baby how are you chuck?

Wry hugs to you lovely x

Why we've not heard from you in a while, how are you Babe? (in case you're lurking)

I'm sending you hugs, if you're lurking x

Have a good evening y'all

Thanks for mention of hot chocolate venus that's getting me through day 1.
Been out for a run in the drizzle and it was lovely. Not the run, but the sound of the rain dripping on the leaves and the gorgeous smell of the wet earth. Saw my heron again too which spurred me on.
Are all Babes OK?

Hi babes, just a flying visit to say hi to everyone and a a big, warm welcome to the new babes. Back to day 1 here, I'm sick to death of wishing my life away counting days then back to the start. Every time I drink, my dd and dh take days to talk to me, they're just worried about me and can't see why I would choose drinking myself into oblivion than being present with them and dd2, and why aren't they enough??? I wish I knew the answer.... Anyway I'll continue to fight the fight with my babe soldiers by my side, love to all xxxx

Hey indie good to see you. You and me AF today. Fist bump.
I remember my sister writing a blog about her running in London and being confronted by a silent heron standing in her way. She described it as "an avian Gandalf insisting you shall not pass!"

baby it is just so goddamn hard isn't it? You have won so many battles but the war rages on and on and on......
Hang in there

Hello everyone and a welcoming bosie to truly, chick you will love this bus, it is a godsend. We offer, advice, support, gentle arse kicking, opal fruits and items of quality clothing not found on the high street. And hellloooooooo emo! Fabulous fifteen for you emo, what a corker!

ma pleased your totem put in a wee guest appearance for you! Well done on day 1!

crabby I feckin LOVE that picture!

spanna!!!! day 3!!!!!!! My ox cheeks were delicious, with a big pile of creamy mash and buttery cabbage... I adore a good fish pie, except I'm so paranoid about fish bones I have a good rake through first wi my Tweezermans. Pleased your DD did a Good Thing, we all have our buttons, eh? So jealous of the sunshine, it has been pissing down here, in every sense....

I was on day 30. Tomorrow will be day one. My sister got really upset today, she can't bear to see me being hurt by him any longer. She was in tears. It broke me. My neighbour has been chatting to her, as she is worried about me. I apologised to my neighbour when he upset her but she could see he was outraged that I hadn't taken his side. I would be loyal to the end if he had been right, but he wasn't, he was crude and unnecessary to a pensioner.

She asked me if he has a hold over me, I denied it, but he does in a way. And you may be dismayed when I tell you. The day before I lost Gentle, we took her to the river in the sunshine one last time. They are the only photographs that were ever taken with me and her together, and they are imprisoned in his very, very expensive camera. He has had them for a year and a half now, I've never seen them since looking at the camera display that day, he has never given them to me. I'm not at all techy, I am worried if I try to download them I will lose or delete them forever. If I leave, I leave her behind.

So today, when my sister left, I drank. I'm sad I let myself down after doing so well, but seeing my hard as nails sister cry over me, it was a fuck it moment.

Tomorrow is a new day. xx

Oh Wry how cruel of him to withhold such meaningful pictures from you. Can you steal the camera? Temporarily at least and find someone to help you download them. Can you concoct some tale of needing to borrow it to arrange a special surprise for him. Not great ideas probably.

If it is out of the question to get the photos then I still don't think it is worth staying with him - as you said he hasn't even let you see them since Gentle's last day. Those memories will be with you for ever (and many, many other wonderful memories of Gentle), I know that sounds empty when you know real pictures exist (if they still do) but in some ways they would represent him as much as her. You won't leave her behind, she is tucked up with you until the day you die. If I had a clue how to do them I would send you huge ((((((((bosies)))))))) Leave him, really. I don't say that lightly Wry but he sounds so unkind. Take care of you and give Little a big hug.

Ps tweezermans are the best defence against unwanted chin whiskers!!

beaches day 34! I am that proud of ye, I could sing! I hereby present you with one of those bonny painted wee beach huts. It's on wheel so you can explore xx

venus your last sentence made me weep. We can all be more than mediocre.

You are so right, wise lady. I wonder how close we have all been to having our lives implode over an alcohol related mistake or misjudgement. I know I've been rattled, mainly for personal vulnerability in some truly worrying situations as opposed to work things. The drinking on the train, I recognise that.

chick I am/was a weekender or before days off. I haven't been to AA, so cannot advise on this, sadly. My only advice is to stay on this bus, for there are wise ones whom have found help and support from all corners. They will keep you right. We all have our strengths one way or another. I am a dab hand at bosies, kind of a more encompassing hand hold, but a hand hold nonetheless. x

hairy baws. wheels. Your hut has wheels beaches. I can see at least two.

Thanks ma your a good un!! Xx

My lovely friend wry your so bloody amazing I hate to think of you with someone undeserving of your love. You brought our bus so much light and laughter someone should be giving you the same in RL. You'll never meet Mr Right while wasting your life with Mr Wrong. Set yourself free my lovely, bug squishy hug weaving it's way to you.

I love this bus and you guys are the best, love and strength to every single babe in every corner of the world xxxx

oh beaches, your post brought tears coursing down my cheeks, she is with me, every day. I'm scared one day I'll forget what she looked like, how she smelled (of soggy Labrador as a rule - but I loved it) and how she filled my life with joy.

I have asked him for those photographs many times, sometimes I even wept for them. He'd stall, then would come the promises, and the distractions. You're right, and you said exactly the same as my lovely sister, that the photographs would also represent him.

Thank you beaches, you made things better with your kind words, xx

baby oh lovely one, they are enough. They are. I wonder if some of us feel too much and use alcohol to flatten those all consuming rushes of love and fear that one day things may change?

We are standing shoulder to shoulder with you my brave soldier, every step. On pavements, on beaches, in parks, on fields and furrows. Everywhere you turn, there is a shoulder and a shield. And a Batman mask. ((((((((((((((HolyBatBosies))))))))))))))))) xx

Wheel.....wheels, I am not fussy! I adore the beach hut, what a beautiful image of freedom and simplicity .

Sleep soundly brave babes

Morning, all. Thank you for your welcome yesterday. I'll reply at length later, as there were some replies that really resonated with me. I didn't drink last night. The anxiety is much lower today. One day at a time. Not sure if I will do AA or not, but I do need support. The bus might be the right place for me! Hope everyone had a good night's sleep xx