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Original poster

Do you speak to your DH during the day when he's at work?

111 replies

confusedmum2one · 21/09/2006 18:11

Hi

Sorry for the bizarre question.

DH leaves for work at 7am and usually gets home about 7.30pm. I don't have any contact with him during the day and when he gets in he usually says "I know you want to talk becuase you've just had baby chat all day but I want to relax and not talk because I've been talking all day".
He talks to me, but normally snippets pointing out things on the TV/football etc

He has an office job and mobile and email and I was wondering if you converse with your OH's whilst they're at work?

I'm starting to get a bit jealous/resent when he says "a girl at work did this at the weekend" or similar, makes me want to say "oh so you've got time to talk to her at work but not me". I know that's silly and of course you'll talk to the colleagues, I just think it'd be nice to get the odd phone call when he's at lunch or driving to a meeting?

Thanks

Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
confusedmum2one · 21/09/2006 18:50

forgot to add that I have made an effort to go to mother and baby groups and I go twice a week and meet once a week with some ladies with babies that I've met locally. This is usually for a maximum of 5 hours a week though and when he's working long hours plus 2 hours commute each day it's quite a difference.

Sorry I think I've become a huge moan, I'm not depressed - I love our little one and enjoy spending all day with her and we go off on adventures etc but it just feels like I'm a single parent sometimes.

Thanks

OP posts:
codwiggle · 21/09/2006 18:50

yes
laods

Lizzylou · 21/09/2006 18:52

I know how you feel, I moved up North to live in my DH's home area and worked full time some distance away from where we lived. The first few months with DS I was soo desperately lonely and very needy of my DH.
I have spoken to him about it all and he does understand now but I have found getting out and about for myself the best thing. Now your baby is 8mths why not try going to a playgroup or music class for you BOTH to socialise? I'm steadily regaining my self-esteem and confidence and find that this has helped my relationship no end.

Lizzylou · 21/09/2006 18:53

Sorry, took ages to post!

lou33 · 21/09/2006 18:54

soldier and i exchange texts , when he is at work, sometimes phone calls when he isnt busy

he often calls on his way home from work too

theunknownrebelbang · 21/09/2006 18:54

We ring each other most days, usually about the boys, or jobs that need doing etc, as we don't spend a lot of time together, due to his shifts and the boys' commitments.

I have been known to ring him to rant at him occasionally and it is always at the most seriously inopportune moment.

He also knows if I ring him before 8.30 in the morning, it's trouble, lol, cos I'm trying to get out of the house with three boys and have lost or forgotten something.

theunknownrebelbang · 21/09/2006 18:55

(and my work commitments too)

Funny how I forgot that really.

foxinsocks · 21/09/2006 18:57

yes - quite a lot.

Expectantmum · 21/09/2006 18:58

DH calls me lunchtime to see how we are and then we speak once during the evening. He leaves for work at 6.30am and normally gets home at 5.30pm, but I leave for work at 4.00pm so we don't get to see each other until 11.30pm when I get home from work.

Kidstrack · 21/09/2006 19:04

dp has always phoned me from work every single day for the last 7 yrs since ds was born and then dd, he has always phoned to see what they were doing and how i was, ds is now 7 and dd is 3, sometimes i feel like saying please not today, but i'm so grateful he has an interest in the children

Blondilocks · 21/09/2006 19:06

I don't tend to speak to OH during the day other than by text - when he's flying his phone is off & although he switches it on when he lands I won't call during this time as he's often on the turnaround or doing checks.

Sometimes I'll give him a quick call during the day if he's at home, but not very often as my work are quite strict on making too many personal calls.

We always speak every night on the phone & sometimes on msn too & when he's back home or I'm at his appartment we always talk.

shhhh · 21/09/2006 19:45

confusedmum...I know how you feel, well the bit about dh working and travelling such long hours.
I'm also a sahm and dh leave home at around 6.30am (dd & I fast asleep) and is not home until around 7/8pm aftre 2.5 hours travelling. I know what you mean about being a single parent as like you I do everything with dd each day. From morning nappy to lunch to bedtime story. BUT I understand that dh is doing this for us, his family. With us it's only short term, I;m expecting ds2b in Jan and dh hope to take 3 months off with us as he's self employed, thats why he's working all he can. BUT I agree there are days where I think "whats all this for". I do attend baby groups, baby gym, baby music, meet with my mum, meet with friends etc but it is hard.

BUT I speak to dh alot during the day. He texts me when he leaves the home telling me to call him when up and before lunch we talk or text quite a lot. Its the same aftre lunch and if I;m online he will email me. He also rings a few times on way home from work. Yeah sure some days its different due to meeting and being busy (both of us) but I understand that.

If I was you I would sit your dh down and tell him how you feel. He may not be aware of your concerns and may not realise how isolated things can be when you are a sahm. DH took a while to understand this as he though " well she's at home all day so must be enjoying it or must be busy etc"
Like others dh & I speak daily about dd and about each other and even concerns, upsets and happy things we do.

To me it seems like your dh feels like he's the only one "working" and that he needs peace once home. He needs to understand that you are his dw and that you both have a life outside of "work" and once the lo is in bed. You need to go back to how things were before lo arrived as you are not just x's parents BUT x and x.

Yeah my dh is not a saint all the times BUT usually just talking to each other and voicing our concerns mends issues. I would go as far to say he is my best friend.
Let us know how tonights chat goes on.xx

StrawberryMoon · 21/09/2006 20:02

me and dp speak lots through day while hes at work then either ignore or aargue when hes at home???

Thomcat · 21/09/2006 20:49

I quite often give him a quick ring during the day. Not always and it's usualy to ask him somehing about the evening.
He emails me, then we have a bit of an email convo.
He sends me mad little links to obscure things he's seen etc.
He always calls me on his way home.

Pages · 21/09/2006 20:52

Every day. Sometimes 3 or 4 times, sometimes less, often only to say "watcha doing?" and talk rubbish about what's for tea or something. But when one or the other is busy we don't seem to mind that we just get voicemail. When DH worked at home and his business wasn't going too well he phoned me a lot more and I sensed that he was a bit more in need of the chats than me.

I think it is because you are in such diametrically opposed positions, as someone else has said. He is living in a different world to you in some ways, no more important or busy at times, just different. Sometimes DH just feels exhausted in the evenings and can't talk (he is sitting in the garden now with a beer while I chat to you).

Sorry, haven't read the whole thread but maybe you just need to somehow find a way to drift into each other's worlds a bit more. What sorts of things did you have in common that brought you together?

LadyTophamHatt · 21/09/2006 20:54

not if I can help it I don't.....he has hi sphoone off kostly anyway but if I need to ask/tell him something I'll text it. Never ring him, just can't be arse TBH.

we're sitting in separate rooms atm so aren't even talking now.

2Happy · 21/09/2006 20:54

I don't normally, except for stuff like "can you pick up xyz on your way home". But tonight, because he was going straight from work to a meeting and won't be home before I go to bed, he called. Unfortunately, it was just as ds was in full-on tantrum in his high chair at supper time, and I ended up shouting at dh (and turning into my mother, if I'm honest ). Don't suppose he'll phone again from work in a hurry

Milge · 21/09/2006 20:54

Only if there is an "operational" need, eg who is going home to relieve the nanny, I have a late meeting, are you home for supper etc. Often by text, as he is in court and can't speak, but can text. Would faint if I emailed him. If he is away travelling, would ring for a "how are you today" call, rather than an organisational one.

LadyTophamHatt · 21/09/2006 20:55

ok, that should read "he has his phone off mostly anyway...."

Posey · 21/09/2006 21:02

Dh doesn't go to work until 4pm so he normally rings around 9.30 while he's on a break, just to see how our afternoon and evening has gone.

clumsymum · 21/09/2006 21:06

Well dh is working away Mon to Fri, but there aren't many days when we don't exchange emails. often these are just mundane (The building soc has just written to say the mortgage has gone up ) but we also exchange jokes that we've been told, and I may just tell him if I'm feeling a bit blue, and if he has time he'll engage in a bit of email chit-chat to get me thru it.

We also talk for about 1/2 an hour every night on the phone.

Even when he was home every night, we'd normally make some sort of contact during the day.

Nemo1977 · 21/09/2006 21:07

Dh phones at least a couple of times in the day.

Mercy · 21/09/2006 21:17

Pre-kids dh would phone during his lunch break about 3-4 times a week for a quick chat/moan.

Post kids, very rarely. I tend to phone him (not for a chat) and ask what time are you coming home/dd has vomited for the nth time today/ds has shoved something up his nose and is scresaming/both have temps of 40 degrees, please come home asap blah blah.

eidsvold · 22/09/2006 03:56

I chat with him every day - usually as the girls are having their lunch - sometimes as I need to tell him something, other times to find out when he is coming home so we can pick him up or just to say hello. If I don't call he call's me.

ghosty · 22/09/2006 04:45

My DH just isn't a 'chatter' ... never has been. So phone calls are usually brief and to the point, like, "Can you buy a pint of milk on your way home" (me to him) or "Have you remembered to get the car serviced?" (him to me). He doesn't talk much at home either which, considering I am a BIG talker, has taken some getting used to. But 12 years down the line I know that is the way he is and I know that I can talk to him about stuff if it is really important. I have friends for small talk ... and mumsnet of course!
We tend to have better communication (I love yous and soppy stuff) via email and text ...