Baby of 3 months and husband wants to leave as I'm not the same person

[Busypeony]

Hi, I'm new to mumsnet so forgive me if acronyms not right.
I have been married for just over a year and have a DS of 3 months. My DH started a new job when our son was 1 month old and was working away a lot. This caused a lot if strain especially as DS had silent reflux and u wasn't getting any sleep. I also have a DD from previous relationship and DH had always taken her on as his own. He has been more and more detached from me and after me screaming to know what was going on (is he having an affair etc) he announced we were broken, couldn't be fixed and he was leaving. I've begged him to stay and go for counselling. Lots of my friends have told me he's emotionally abused me but I love him and want to make it work. I don't know what to do now it's all such a shock. I can't make him love me but how do I protect my children especially DD who worships him and do I have to let my baby go and stay with him? Feeling very alone and scared. Any help much appreciated

Hi Busy, it's tough early days, so don't be giving yourself a hard time. Most people realise the difficulties you face having a new born, and most people realise the distress of a marriage splitting up, you've really got the double trouble at the moment (not that I'm calling your son trouble but the realities of a new-born).

As for some of your issues, if you can stand the costs, then divorce him. Otherwise leave him to do it, although it's not pleasant having to read the bullshit they write about you, it is a means to an end. As for worrying about what other people might say - fuck 'em. If they want to think ill of them, all you need to do is point out that he abandoned you and baby, there's not much more to be said.

Will you do me a favour and look into the Freedom Programme, run by Women's Aid, you sound like someone who would really benefit from being able to spot abusers and how they operate. They also do an on-line course if it's difficult to get out of the home for a face to face session, so it'll help you understand that his behaviour is unacceptable and give you the necessary self-esteem to counter it.

Can I suggest you start a thread asking for other to come along and discuss 'contact' and newborns, as I've a feeling it'll be a long time before overnights happen but I don't want to misadvise you as it's not my area of expertise!

Just one question. How long were you supposed to 'keep a lid on your moods'. Till ds was 1? At school? 18 and leaving for uni?

You have just had a baby. EVERYTHING is up in the air. EVERYTHING is different. Good men know this and work with you to parent their children, support their partner and work out what this 'new normal' is.

They do not fuck off.

This is not your fault. It is his fault. Please stop torturing yourself with what you could have done differently to 'keep' him.

I mean, you didn't drug him and drag him down the aisle, did you?
You didn't force him to sign the mortgage agreement at knife point, did you?
You didn't steal his sperm from a used condom and stuff it up your foo to get pregnant, did you?

HE has broken his promise and his contract. Him. All him.

Thanks for the posts - they've made me am stronger today and they've made me laugh. He is totally in the wrong. Anyone who asks their wife to apologise for being hormonal is a COCK. That's not to say that I can't stop the tears and feel weak but I'm starting to see the truth.

Thanks wellwhoknew re the advice about the course. I'm going to do it. I'm also going to divorce him I think- but that changes by the hour.

I have started a thread re access as well and that's helpful. I'll no doubt be back in here in the middle of the night in a state but for now at least I can see how disgusted the rest of the world is with him which makes me realise he is wrong not me.

Oh help me get out of this black hole! Seen stbxh today so he could see DS and he has messed with my head. :-(

He was asking about DD (his step daughter) and school and I just couldn't bring myself to say more than one word and he had a go at me about that. He was dragging the conversation out of me and in some ways I wish I'd been full of conversation but he has devastated her life and I hate him for that.

He asked lots of stupid things about DS and then I asked him what he was thinking about selling the house. Wish I hadn't as it resulted in him,asking me feel shit. 'Oh I'll just keep paying the bills shall I? Well that's typical. I'm staggered you haven't asked about going back to work. Do you expect me to keep supporting you? So want to be my dependent? I shouldn't have had to have asked you to work more hours you should have done it. I didn't ask for the watch you bought me. You always bury your head in the sand about money?'

I pointed out to him that he'll have plenty of money soon and yet I won't even be able to house me and the DC. He said his bonuses weren't guaranteed and when I started talking about a clause with them he said 'that was always the trouble with you- I tried to engage you and you didn't listen or understand'. I asked him not to talk down to me and he said 'don't try and talk up when you don't understand things'. Charming. I had just had a baby when we had that conversation.

I have no issue with working but I was going back 2 days in January and now he expects me to work at least 4 days and put DS in nursery. He will be so angry if I don't work the hours he wants.

He wanted to sell the house straight away and now he has agreed to wait til January as I said I had enough going on with looking after a baby. He said that had offered to stay and help but how could he when he's being so hateful and get only offered when my mum had a go at him.

He went mad about me sending a text message as I was meant to be paying attention to him. He even got cross about where I parked...

I got a text from him later saying he agreed to wait til January to start divorcing me, that he will keep paying the bills but in return he wants to see DS at least every fortnight. Well the two things are unrelated.

He has made me feel useless as I think I should have got more involved in finances and I just wish I could have kept a lid on moods. One thing he said to me about my behaviour very sarcastically was 'we'll you have your excuse don't you' meaning me being post baby. How can he get to me so much??

I'm afraid, Busy, this isn't going to change until you stop believing in what he says, and start believing in what you know.

I am quite happy to admit that until I saw my solicitor, I also believed in what my STBXH said so I'm not giving you a bollocking, I'm just trying to pass on a bit of what I've experienced:

• I'm learning there's quite a bit he's plain fucking wrong about - but yes, I'm undoing years of taking him at face-value.

• I used to panic, my fears would head off into orbit, I used to stress about what 'might' happen, I used to make assumptions about my entitlements in divorce. I didn't really believe my solicitor until the first court action by the way!

• The plus side of believing him is that it set my 'expectations' very low.

Now I'm a little way into the court process, I realise that if I continued to take his threats seriously, and feared the stress and cost of litigation, then I would end up very badly off further down the road, for essentially a quiet time now, when I was so sad and vulnerable.

I only used to have calm days (in the early months) after seeing my solicitor, and then the anxiety and stress would creep up again.

Things you CAN do now:

• You can do 'No Contact Contact' where you hand baby over and remove yourself to a safe distance away, where you can still keep an eye out for baby, but not be in communicable distance.

• Remind yourself: he fucked off, so he can just fuck off.

• I know it's hard, you want answers, but you can choose to let him get inside your head, or you can choose to say 'when you left you fucked off with your perceived rights to tell me what to do, say and think'.

I can tell these days when someone is still being manipulated and under the control of a shit, because every sentence contains the word 'he'.

When you start to assert yourself, regain your confidence, believe in yourself, sentences contain the word 'I' and don't 'defend' their position so much, and don't deny any accusations.

Take for example:

He went mad about me sending a text message as I was meant to be paying attention to him. He even got cross about where I parked...

I thought 'what a prick' when he tried to have a go about me doing my own thing. I thought, "you know what, when you fucked off, you fucked off" Get over it mate - I make my own decisions these days. And as for your thoughts on my parking, they can fuck off too.

See?

He can't fuck with your head if you don't give him airtime.

Busy, reading your last post, my first thought was: she is so much better off without this self-important controlling twat!! I remember while I was getting divorced, my Ex totally convinced me I was doing the right thing by behaving really really abusively toward me. Many many men behave their worst during the process of the divorce, and I'm betting you will wake up one day and be soooo glad he's not in your life every day.

Have you ever read any of the many articles that add up all the jobs mums do while home with their children, and put a price on all that work? You're worth at least as much as he is..... and all his claims about you living off him are hot air. He couldn't do as well as he does if he had not had you doing so much for him... that is why what each partner makes is considered family money. So please don't listen to his rude remarks about your work and him paying for things. Please?

I'm sending hugs, it is just indescribably awful to go through. My boys were 2 and 3, so I understand it must be much hardest with a 3 month old.

The most positive thing about becoming a single mum was reducing my hours in work to 18 hours per week until my youngest started school. Ex h wanted to be the part time one and would never have agreed for me to do that.

Work out your finances, the childcare practicalities yourself and decide how many hours you will work.

Your ex sounds like an utter selfish arse. He will not have selflessly offered to delay divorce until January. I think he could be hoping you go back more hours and it will benefit him if the financial elements of your divorce go to court.

WWK - how true re using the word
'He'. My parents spent hours last night trying to explain that he had bullied me again yesterday. All I can think about now is how defensive I used to be and that wound him up as we'd get I to regular arguments (say nearly very night). When I was talking to my parents they were trying to explain that it wasn't surprising given that every day he'd wake up in a bad mood as he doesn't 'do mornings', that he'd come home from work in a mood because he was stressed, that he wouldn't have sex when I made advances, that he'd be happy with the children but moody with me. I can think 'he was right he shouldn't have married me' and that he was right about us arguing in honeymoon BUT I had a husband who wouldn't accept my advances. There's always been a stronger part of me that wouldn't say yes to everything. For example I insisted in a summer holiday even though he didn't want to go as I said I'd need a break having had baby and child at home for weeks. He is now throwing that back at me as a needless waste of money but I spent my inheritance from my uncle on that holiday as it was 'bonus' money to us and my uncle lived for travelling. He said I should have left him a safety net for his new job but he bought a new car which was really expensive compared to our income which he didn't need. He thought the car made him look successful and therefore he needed it. It was more to do with the fact that I had the good 'family' car and he was jealous that his money was going out to me. There may be a shock when I give back my family car to him as it's a lease in his name! The biggest issue for him is that he's got into a quagmire over his new job, it's really stressful and he's blaming me for not helping take more control of the finances and contributing more. Well thanks for making me feel rubbish but at least I pointed out his spending lately. I used to be such a tough woman and when he says 'you're not the woman I met' he's right because he's knocked that out of me.

WWK I have been doing the freedom program and Stbxh ticks many of the 'bully' boxes. Thanks for suggesting that. I'm still a long way off believing it all though!

Statement- I think he's delayed til January because his mum will have pointed out how bad does he look of he starts divorcing me with a baby so young and anyway if the house doesn't go on the market now it probably won't sell til January anyway. It's about making himself feel better. It's the same as him telling me to keep our cleaner on (whereas before we split I told her we couldn't afford her which we still can't). He thinks money can buy him peace of mind. However I'm also aware that if he keeps things going to January I've got more of an argument about 'the style to which I've become accustomed'. I any believe he hasn't seen a solicitor but maybe that shows his arrogance.

I don't want to be beholden to the man but I also think fuck off who do you think you are telling me what hours I'm going to work. Yes your few friends and family may think I'm a gold digger but why should I work more than I was going to because you've left as you've got the money to pay. He said I needed to work more to maintain our lifestyle but why should I not look after our DS to support his fucking flashy car. His priorities are screwed. His text saying he'd keep paying if he keeps seeing his son is bollocks too as the two things are unrelated. So much of him equates money to happiness. He got really stressed about turning 40 as he wasn't earning what he thought he should be by that age whereas when he turned 30 he was earning less than now but had reached his goal for that age (shame he shoved most of that money up his nose). I pointed out maybe he should take pleasure from his home life but to him he was a failure. He bloody well is now. The last thing I said to him yesterday was 'yes I was hormonal but it's your weakness that you couldn't support me'. I was quite proud of that.

So where do I go from here? Yes I can do no contact contact but my biggest concern is that the prick hasn't addressed his anger issues and for that reason i wouldn't trust him in the longer term with DS. He hasn't got physical with my DD but he was getting moodier with her at the end (it's killing him now not seeing her and he can't even see that it'd be too confusing for her if he just popped in). However if he got physical with me who's to say he wouldn't with the kids? On another thread I've been advised bit to go to mediation with him as it's a forum for him to bulky me more. I've never reported his actions so how can I enforce supervised contact based on something I haven't reported?

I haven't replied to his last text and that'll piss him off but he expects me to say 'thank you, thank you' for him keeping a roof over our head. He said when we're divorced he'll pay his maintenance for DS but why should he support me - well maybe because I'm the one looking after DS?!

Whitsernam - I do really miss the good times and fun but he's a very mean person and actually all the things I thought he had issues about with me are coming to the fore now.

WWK - thanks fur all the advice . I can see myself behaving the way you said re panicking, the anxiety etc but I did manage to say to him 'you can't tell me not to text as you left me' but he replied. 'Well it's basic manners'. Well if he's divorcing me because of my petty behaviour he's not worth it.

Advice re the unreported pushing me and therefore contact with DS would be appreciated

Why do I still want Stbxh back? Why do I dream of him walking through the door with hai happy face on and us spending a family day together? Why am I beating myself up about the person I have become. He's right that is yes to be more financially aware and did let him get on with things. As he said I did expect him to support me emotionally and deal with the finances and I did have a go when he was always staying away with work - but I was bloody knackered. I did say I wasn't sure about going back to work but how many women do that. The pressure wasn't all on him. Why did I wish I hadn't called him so much in the evenings when he was away (I did because I missed him and needed reassurance). I didn't always trust him when he was out but having nearly left me once, been in contact with an ex and expected me to wash make up out of his shirt after he's been to a strip club why was he surprised? Why do I want him back after he pushed me around? I guess because men like him do have their good days and he did love me. We had such a good time away together in July for a day- why did he have to change so much? Two failed marriages and I'm mid 30s how shit is that? DD sees her dad every fortnight but the only real dad she's known has left. Stbxh is making me feel bad that he can't see her more - he thinks I'm using the kids to get at him but it's tooc confusing for her. Should I have let him be part of her life still? She didn't seem too bothered about her birthday when me and her dad said we thought it was less confusing for her to see him- was I right? Oh FFS he has completely messed me up. Why do I want him back so much?

I think wanting them back is natural - we can see they do have some nice qualities, after all, that's what we fell in love with.

Unfortunately, we can't switch on and off the times when he is nice - only they can control that, as and when they want to.

We live in eternal hope that the nice person comes back, but sadly they fucked off too.

So, we can assert ourselves and say 'and off the fuck goes the bully'.

I miss my husband chronically some days, but I wouldn't have him back in a million years - the scales have truly dropped from my eyes. It only took me four months and a bit, so I don't expect you to feel any different at all.

As difficult as it is, there's no magic wand to waive away the pain, but time does heal a lot of things.

So what if you have had two marriages? It's not like we walk around with a sign above our heads listing our 'successes and failures' in life. If you ever do it again, make the next one is a nice one (if you ever feel like doing this again).

As for contact. No, he doesn't get to spend time with the older one. When you fuck off, you fuck off so suck up the consequences. As for your little one, I think you got some good advice on your other thread.

Remember don't rush into making decisions when everything is so emotional - if he wants to be abusive during contact, then you withdraw contact/alter how it works so that it works for you.

You're the boss now - he'd better get used to it.

Thanks WWK I hope to be as strong as you one day. I have been feeling better bait myself this afternoon and thinking he's the twat.

At bath time tonight I realised just how high the tension had been with him around as now I'm relaxed with the children and I'm having more fun (maybe the anti depressants help!).

I obviously wish things had worked out but I also think:

He may have money and I'll be skint but he won't have any integrity
He may have flash holidays and cars but he will miss seeing all the wonderful steps in his child's life
He may be a success at work but he will always know he didn't succeed at home at supporting his wife when she needed him most
I may have been hormonal but I never pushed him around and yet he thought that acceptable
I was prepared to try at our marriage and he was not
I put our children first - when he was no longer number 1 male in the house he left
I'm surrounded by friends and family supporting me. He is 40 and living with his mum and only has a handful of friends
He can say he shouldn't have married me but I know that the pictures don't lie - he loved me
He can say he's been hanging in by a thread for a year but that's admitting that he wanted out from the moment I got pregnant
He is an abusive bully and I am not

Now I just need to believe in myself and not believe what he says about me!

You know, one thing, that has really aggravated me in the last four months.

People calling me strong!

I've been a snotty, woe-is-me, pathetic wreck of a woman! I promise you.

I even cried my heart out tonight. I just do sometimes.

I went to my counsellor last week and she said "what do you want to discuss and go through in this session?"

I said 'not so much, I just want to cry my heart out'. So I did. So she let me.

Priceless.

So if you're doing better than that - you really are doing well!

But it just is so hard on some days, and as much as I am dealing with it, as are you, there are just times when it all feels too much. So here I am to say: a little woe is me is okay, as long as you counter-balance it with a lot of fuck him!

I say this because I just don't want anyone to expect to be 'like my MN persona'. Nobody should be beating themselves up because they think I'm doing better than them. I'm doing the hard yards along with the rest of us.

I just can write about the irony!

And offer support.

But, actually, I think you're doing a lot better than I did in the early days (and I didn't have a young baby).

Like, I say, I love the irony!

Ironic indeed WWK!

But despite being string yesterday here I am again awake again after the horrific dreams wanting the 'nice' him back. But hopefully i'm a tiny bit stronger than yesterday.

It may even be the case that because the stupid arse walked out and left me with a baby that it hardened my resolve. Someone had to start weaning and that was me adeptly supported by DD yesterday. It was a victory moment. I did it - on my own (I know it's not that big a deal but breathing is a big deal to me at the moment) and stupid arse just asked me what baby rice was at the weekend. He really believed all baby stuff was my department as 'you don't know how a car works and therefore Ii don't need to know everything about a baby. We are experts in different fields'. Yes stupid arse you're an expert at fucking off when the going gets tough. You think I'm not the same strong, independent, self supporting single mum that you met - well get this I am working and surviving - I'm a mum (that's my job stupid arse) and I'm raising your son! And do you knew what stupid arse I even managed to see you when I had been up all night with DD being sick- I still turned up having looked after the kids because I stayed and you fucked off. And to to top it off I looked pretty darn good because I spent some of your precious money getting my nails done etc- now that's irony ;-).

Well rant over I still wish I had the dad to my kids back. He's now ignoring his dad who emailed him asking why he had done this and had he really considered what he had done. How could he have such a lack of empathy for his pregnant and post baby wife? I guess because it wasn't all about him. He really is the most self centred man ever. He might have supported me financially but it's emotional support that's more important. He just thinks he can buy me off and find another girl who'll be less grief and he's forever convinced himself that I was the wrong girl for him all along. If he loves his son why didn't he have more respect for me as a mum. He worships his own mum. He's re written history there to believe she's perfect. He has never treated me as well as her. She was so moody before our wedding and two weeks before we received a long email about how unfair it was on her that she was working and my parents were retired and that we lived near my parents. Fucking get over yourself yet Stbxh was angry with me for not being more empathetic to her. She invites herself to stay the weekend after our wedding when we didn't have DD- yep that was exactly what we needed. Talk about make her presence felt that she was still number one woman in her son's life. It was as if to say look he won't tell me I can't stay. They're unhealthy. She will be slagging me off now that I won't let him see DD and DS that often. I even rang her before he left saying how much I loved him and wanted to make it work- did she send him back to work things out- did she bollocks - she wanted some company. Stbxh only has two close friends left in this country - he wants to be like his 'successful' friends who live abroad. Well I have a support network so what was wrong with living amongst that. Why the fuck should I have lived near his mum and been on my own. He even admitted he saw his mum more when we got together- she just doesn't like to share. Well I hope you find someone as bitter and twisted as her to live with Stbxh. I loved the man so much and yet I was never good enough for either of them. She didn't work full time when her DC were young but she worked in the evening. At least she had the support of a husband. I can't believe he was saying at the weekend that I should work 4 days a week when DS was 6 months old, put him in nursery, get my parents to take DD to school and probably pick her up, sell my home and find somewhere to live, get divorced, oh and look after the kids too. How could he be so angry that I haven't looked for permanent work in the last two weeks since he left? Tosser. He hasn't got a fucking clue. I feel like turning up at his office with DS and telling him I'm off to work so get on with it. Apart from I couldn't trust him to look after DS...

I think I need to point out how daft his expectations are.

But I would still have him back as it's be better than this. Not so ironic

Why is I that the smallest thing can bring you crashing down? Saw a FB post from one of his friends about the weekend and I knew Stbxh was going there. I literally flushed, my heart raced and I felt my legs go from under me. The heartbreak is unbearable. Why can't my witty, charming, caring husband want me. I have seen plenty if threads on here where men behave in the same way but the fact that he bullied me after having his baby and then left takes the biscuit. I know he's an arse but fuck the pain/rejection hurts SO much. Can't even pretend he's so devoted to his son as he left.

I feel weak thinking about him like this but it's a sort of grieving process.

Stbxh has text me asking how DD is and is she over her sickness bug. No word about DS. Do I reply or ignore him?

It is a grieving process, and there's no shortcuts. Everything is going to hurt because your regret your past, hate your present and are scared of your future.

I too did the endless 'investigating' of what he was up to, all it did was hurt me more.

It's torrid time you're in, but it doesn't last for ever, I promise you.

Very concise WWK and just how I'm feeling. I think it's the shock because it's still 'manic and panic' as you said and my brain can't keep up with reality. I know I had a lucky escape with him but still miss the old times. So irritated at the way he's rewriting history as well that we were never happy instead of saying i just can't cope so i'm fucking off.

Oh yes, the rewriting of history!

You do realise by 'chatting' to me on here, you are corresponding with a 'violent fraudster' don't you .

Apparently, I was going to damage my own personal possessions to piss him off, as well as destroy his. That I have actively duped him into hand over large sums of money in the previous years.

My testimony, is that I thought I loved my husband and we were building a life together. Go figure.

WWK I can clearly see what a fraudster you are! Just been reading you on another thread about choosing a solicitor. If ok I might PM you about that as think I could be done over otherwise!

I have been hardening my thoughts this afternoon. I've been worrying so much about keeping Stbxh happy BUT he's a violent bully, what the hell am I thinking letting him dictate to me that he'll pay the bills if he gets to see DS. No, he needs to address his anger issues first or I'm doing my son a disservice. People have asked me 'oh but did he ever actually hit you?'. No but he shoved me, shut me out of rooms, swore at me, snatched his son out of my arms and regularly threw things around. Think that's abnormal enough!

PM away, I'm just sitting here waiting to get divorced, cos I got sacked when he decided to fuck off.

People have asked me 'oh but did he ever actually hit you?'. No but he shoved me, shut me out of rooms, swore at me, snatched his son out of my arms and regularly threw things around. Think that's abnormal enough!

Indeed it is, what? do you have to have ended up in hospital for them to believe he was violent?

So woke up AGAIN feeling utterly rejected and desolate. I saw that Stbxh has been out with two if his friends at the weekend both of whom are childless and one never did understand his choice of lifestyle with me. It made me feel angry that he'll have been selling his side of the story ie she's been a nightmare and I can't stuck by her as I never should have married her last year, never been happy. Started beating myself up that if we'd waited to have DS things would have been ok as he'd have started new job and been settled when DS turned up but I can't turn back the clock.

Have been reading a thread in here of a woman wanting to leave her DH as she doesn't love him anymore and she has so many posts of encouragement to do so as it's better for her to be herself and happy....so then I thought what's do different with what Stbxh has done to me? I'm just not good enough for him and so he's left. But he left me because he honestly believed that I was my normal self after having a baby and in the other thread the OP had stuck by her man when things were hard- mine did a bloody good job of bullying me and then left.

What I can't deal with is him now expecting is me to have a similar relationship with him to what I have with father of DD. We get on well (his traits why we split are still there but now I ignore them for sake of her) and I get on well with his DP too. I share photos of DD with him. Yesterday Stbxh had replied to an email I sent him about some money stuff asking if DS and myself had caught sickness bug off DD and how was DS generally. When I replied saying that we were fine and that DS was eating well (I did write that to annoy him that he'd missed weaning) he came back asking for a photo of DS eating. I just thought 'fuck off, when you fucked off you lost your right to that'. But should I send him a photo?

Also after disastrous visit at weekend solicitor has advised me go write to him suggesting at the next visit we only discuss DS and I haven't even got the courage to send that as he's brought me down so much again. Should I do it or just see how he is next visit as by email he is being polite. Im just so worn down by him :-(.

Am still struggling to get through the day too and the pressure if him wanting to move us getting to me as I've got enough in without thinking about that. Feel suffocated and trapped but also wonder if I should just comply with things (eg house sale etc) for sake of DS and relationship in the future between me and his father. Trouble is I will never want a decent relationship with a person who's done this to me BUT I come back to reading the thread about the woman who wants out and all the words of encouragement - and I feel guilty that I can't cope and get over him. Help please!

And should I actually be allowing him to see DD because is that the right thing for her?

In a practical level we have two credit cards in his name and he pays them out of our joint account. We recently increased our overdraft and I'm worried he may use this to pay the cards as he seems to be spending quite a bit and the overdraft is both our responsibilities. Should I talk to him about that?

I think may subconsciously I'm thinking that if I show him I am still the woman he met eg someone who copes, works etc then he'll want me back

Your sbeh sounds very similar to mine. He also resented me not working full time and has told people what a user I am and useless wife and mother.

It must be worse for you due to the fact you have such a young baby and the injustice of it all but it sounds to me you had quite a volatile relationship any way and really you wouldn't want your children growing up seeing that. You will get over him but it is a slow process. The more he acts like a prick the easier it is!

Thanks Rebecca, being with someone who doesn't appreciate what you do does make you feel shit. He obviously felt I didn't appreciate what he did either. Just so angry that he threw in the towel without trying