the ex is at it again!!

[crazylady321]

Hi I have posted on 2 seperate occasions before regarding my partners ex whom he has a 7 year old son with, she was making it very hard to see his son once he moved in with me all which ive spoken about so dont really want to go into all the details again as the access issue is sorted and have had 3 weeks of lovely visits off the little boy.

Anyhow our peace has been short lived, he dropped him off Sunday evening after an over night stay and then taken him out on Sunday she asked my OH if he could give her 80 to get school uniforme.. Now before you all say hes his father he should pay it. At the start of holidays OH asked her if she needed any extra money for uniforme (hes always helped out every year) she said no but if he could help her out with buying him some extra summer clothes and new trainers etc has he had had a growth spurt and was short of clothes, she made point of saying she had budgetted to get his uniforme 2 weeks before he goes back out of her child benefit and that the other clothes were a priority. He didnt hand her the money (due to in the past shes not bought what she said she was) but he took his son out and let him choose his own clothes and trainers and he got him some bits for at our house spent well over 100.

He has told her he doesnt have the money to give her as not pay day for another 2 weeks so shes got in a strop. Has phoned him yesterday ranting that hes putting his unborn baby before his son, I heard the conversation and he wasnt getting a word in he hung up on her in the end, to which she sent a txt saying hes caught nits from my kids!!! No lie!! My kids were with their dad during his stay this week so unless I have them in the house not quite sure how hes got nits from here I havent seen any of the kids itching or the boy either, so im thinking its just a petty come back.

I know I have no place to be annoyed but its saddening seeing how my OH is having to put up with it, he had been so much happier with having sorted the access out and now hes been in a bad mood again since yesterday. And to make matters worse his mum had bought him a coat not long ago in the sales that the ex was apparently putting away for school but a coat was one of the things she says she needs!

I realise this is another long ranting post and its a bit pathetic really but the thought of having to have dealings with this woman for the next 10 years or so is a really depressing thought, I know I dont have to have direct contact with her but everytime she does or says something its me who has to put up with OHs mood swings and to try and cheer him up

Does he pay proper maintenance, either through CSA or in a private arrangement at a similar level?

He does pays around 33 a week I think it is to csa. Plus extras he buys him regually and money spends during access he spoils him rotten so not like hes not paying his way, id be the first to get him told if that wasnt the case.

Well she obviously didn't budget very well, but is asking the child's father for help with essential school uniform
Make it work.

I am going to suggest to him that he asks her to make a list of what he needs and he goes get it all, she has 2 other children 1 school age so will be interesting to know if shes managed to get that childs uniform ok

When I've been strolling round the supermarkets young kids' school clothes seem dirt-cheap to me. If he needs clothes for school then his father needs to contribute towards them even if Dad think he's contributed enough already.

33 quid a week isn't really that much to this outsider regardless of how much he lavishes on the child when he has access.

Bitter you say that £33 doesn't seem very much to you? Well aren't you lucky?

I dont think 33 is bad for 1 child tbh, i get 50 for 4 and managed to get uniforms out of it each week. Buying son uniform isnt an issue its the fact shes said she didnt need anything then spring it on him she does and then to bring in the attitude because he hasnt got it to hand, if she would of asked last week then he would of given her it rather than taking son out which cost a bomb.

Im not been the difficult bitter new woman here ive been a single mum of 4 and have struggled but never asked my childrens dad for more than what he gives After all he has to live aswell, im an obsessive budgetter so guess I have that in my favour im fully aware we are all different.

You mentioned the ex partner claimed benefit? I'm not 100% sure but from other school mums I've heard that there's a clothing/uniform grant or payment that people get to help with this?

£80 isn't excessive if there are school shoes, PE kit etc to buy. He needs to pay his way for his kid without moping about it.

Spoiling him is getting the 'fun bit' without having to pony up for the boring essentials.

This is the amount csa are charging so they obviously think its a decent amount.

Like I said hes not bothered about buying extras its just the way she demanded it then brought the attitude back out, and in the past I think he is likely to have gone straight to cash machine. I think aswell both OH and his mum are reluctant to give her money because shes spent it on the other kids and has been seen on fb selling sites selling things they have bought

Plantsandflowers - £33/week won't feed and clothe a child. He is not paying his fair share IMO.

Spending a hundred quid on some summer togs and bits for "at our house" was a daft amount to spend.

If the mother is selling things which family have bought this indicates to me that there's not enough money in the household to go round, rather than getting rid of stuff out of spite.

And I repeat: to me 33 quid a week is not a lot of money, regardless of what other parents are compelled to pay for theirs.

£33 a week is a tiny amount She has to pay rent/mortgage for the extra room, she has to feed and clothe him, she has to pay bills and keep him occupied, as well as ferry him to school/GP/dentist. I imagine she spends a hell of a lot more than this, so £33 is barely scratching the surface. Have things improved for him since the CSA made the assessment? If he's earning more now it needs increasing. I'm not surprised she's asking him for extra money to be honest. I don't think she should have to ask either.

I dont think OP's DP was refusing to pay, I think he just said he didnt have the money to hand and she asked last week, he would have got the uniform for the DS, atleast that's how I read it.

Bloody hell! £33 @a week would be nice. Many of us receive far less maintenance than that. DS1' s dad very grudgingly pays £100 per calendar month. Posters are judging when they don't know his income for a start.

If he has doubts, he needs to buy uniform himself. Tell her he is going to buy x,y and z in advance.

Wishes I get a £100pm for DD, my Dsis gets £5pw for my DN, hes 16, so not much help.

It depends I think. If it's been £33 for the past 7 years and he's got a far better job by now, then that would be an unreasonable amount. If it's a recent assessment then it's not an unreasonable amount.

£5 takes the piss though

I know Lady, Arsehole has shit loads of money, but his wife is his accountant so she conveniently hides it and because he works cash in hand and doesnt pay tax on anything, £5pw is all it looks like he can afford and he stopped seeing DN because he had to pay that.

Oh, that's disgusting! If she can get evidence she can go back to the CSA because 'income is inconsistent with expenditure' and they will look into it.

Shes tried a number of years, she gave them evidence of him selling pedigree puppies for £100's but they never looked into it, CSA are useless when it comes to things that arent straight forward. My BIL has spent more on my DN in the 10 years that he was been with my Dsis, than the arsehole has even done in the 16 years DN has been alive, DN has learned that his dad is an arsehole.

Arsehole came out with a cracker about having other children to support, my DN is his only child.

Sorry but the problem is not about money. To me 33 is a decent amount especially when I know loads that dont get anything!! She has 2 other children and a working husband and gets to go out on nights out and buys her cigs etc so im not sure there is a lack of money in the household.

Its the attitude thats the problem, dont quite see the need for it. Would never dare speak to my ex like that im pretty sure id get a good mouthful back

Ive asked him to txt her and get a list of what she wants and I will lend him the money till pay day and we will get the bits when we go Asda. Theres no problem with him giving extra money where needed love how you all assume hes rolling in it and can whip 80 out of thin air he has got other bills and responsibilities.