the ex is at it again!!

[crazylady321]

Hi I have posted on 2 seperate occasions before regarding my partners ex whom he has a 7 year old son with, she was making it very hard to see his son once he moved in with me all which ive spoken about so dont really want to go into all the details again as the access issue is sorted and have had 3 weeks of lovely visits off the little boy.

Anyhow our peace has been short lived, he dropped him off Sunday evening after an over night stay and then taken him out on Sunday she asked my OH if he could give her 80 to get school uniforme.. Now before you all say hes his father he should pay it. At the start of holidays OH asked her if she needed any extra money for uniforme (hes always helped out every year) she said no but if he could help her out with buying him some extra summer clothes and new trainers etc has he had had a growth spurt and was short of clothes, she made point of saying she had budgetted to get his uniforme 2 weeks before he goes back out of her child benefit and that the other clothes were a priority. He didnt hand her the money (due to in the past shes not bought what she said she was) but he took his son out and let him choose his own clothes and trainers and he got him some bits for at our house spent well over 100.

He has told her he doesnt have the money to give her as not pay day for another 2 weeks so shes got in a strop. Has phoned him yesterday ranting that hes putting his unborn baby before his son, I heard the conversation and he wasnt getting a word in he hung up on her in the end, to which she sent a txt saying hes caught nits from my kids!!! No lie!! My kids were with their dad during his stay this week so unless I have them in the house not quite sure how hes got nits from here I havent seen any of the kids itching or the boy either, so im thinking its just a petty come back.

I know I have no place to be annoyed but its saddening seeing how my OH is having to put up with it, he had been so much happier with having sorted the access out and now hes been in a bad mood again since yesterday. And to make matters worse his mum had bought him a coat not long ago in the sales that the ex was apparently putting away for school but a coat was one of the things she says she needs!

I realise this is another long ranting post and its a bit pathetic really but the thought of having to have dealings with this woman for the next 10 years or so is a really depressing thought, I know I dont have to have direct contact with her but everytime she does or says something its me who has to put up with OHs mood swings and to try and cheer him up

How do people afford 700 seriously? Im hoping mine will be going to the local secondary school and as far as I know only one PE/games uniform unless changes by then unless do out of after school Sports

£33 is decent to me, my ex pays £0 for my dd, yes nothing if you didn't get that. Sod went self employed, so csa can't prove his income, and his end of year accounts said he made a lose, however he is currently enjoying a fortnight in lanzarote with his new wife, my dd and her 2 dd's. Me and my dp haven't been abroad for 3 years as can't afford it, but ex has been away every year for last 4 years, whilst paying hee no for my dd!!! Argh I hate the lying bastard

hugebagsisanunderstatement - Sounds like my twat of a dad not had much as a birthday card off him since I was 12 let alone any maintenance hence why I think 33 is a good amount

Heres a story for ya, Bloke has kid with woman, kid is in secondary school, Bloke has always paid, ex always asking for money, bloke knows it aint for his son, but gives it anyway. Bloke decides to give ex a lump sum equalling to all the payments he would make until maintenence period ends, ex almost wets herself at the thought of all that money.

Ex, her fella and their child went on holiday with the boys money leaving the boy behind. Yes she has spunked all the kids money.

TaliZorahVasNormandy - Can believe it aswell

Unfortunately you decided to take as a partner a divorced man who has a long termlegal and moral liability to support his children,at least to age 18- which is expensive-his ex will always try to enforce the maximum amount of money CSA order,Court Orders not withstanding.Hermonetaty position is not relevant -the liability is your partners.

Abilly

The liability is theirs, the mothers and fathers, not his alone. He pays what the CSA says he should AND on top for uniform, seasonal clothing needs, shoes etc.

Failing to see your point tbh and wondering if you should put the wine glass down.....

bloody hell, i was paying €1200 a month ten years ago for 3 kids and my ex still pleaded poverty

I utterly despair of mumsnet on these threads! Saying the money that he has been ASSESSED to pay by the CSA is a pittance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My dh pays 170 per month for 2 children, as he earns a low wage, and yes he god forbid at the age of 23 decided to have more children with me!! We have his older 2 every week, pay for things when they are with us etc.
What he pays is enough as he couldn't afford anymore end of. He is on half pay at the moment due to an injury yet is still paying the CSA amount as it's the right thing to do for his children.
I have also been a stepchild and my dad paid CSA too when off work sick because of a chronic back condition, and still saw us even when he would practically be crying in pain with the drive.
Some on here don't live in the real world I am sure. The op is annoyed for the right reasons as they had budgeted their money, and that the dad is being treated this way. I hope you get sorted OP but I certainly would never ask mumsnet folk for a true accurate answer regarding non resident parents.

Pinkballoon sorry but I am calling Bullshit on that unless your DC is in the private school system of which I have no experience

DS started our local secondary just before the Great Uniform Debate of 2002. Every item had to be monogrammed and could only be bought from one shop. 3 PE kits (Rugby, Footie and Indoor) plus the rest came to £250, so £350 if you bought spares.

Unless you bought a full uniform for each day in which case, more fool you!

Tell the ex to do one. She has the money to buy uniform, thats what the child support he pays contributes towards. She has to budget and realise the ex isn't an ATM.

Your partner has responsibilities to you and to his son, he is meeting them both admirably as far as i can see. As has been pointed out, with her contribution toward her son and family allowance theres plenty of income there to look after the needs of the child.

Captain,

£700??? i don't buy that.

So what if she's had her hands in her purse all summer holidays? Thats her choice, theres plenty of people who choose or are forced by their financial situation to do free stuff in the holidays.

sorry that should be pinkballoon!

ellenjames

Totally agree with you here! I get 50 a week for 4 children and Ive never needed to ask for anything else, he has them weekends and I know spends a lot on them (eg, swimming lessons/ days trips etc ) Wouldnt dream of asking for more tbh he has to live and pay rent, bills after all. We are on good terms though so I may feel different if he was an arse we go halfs on birthday parties and special things like that. Ive never needed to dip into maintenace or child benefit for bills that goes in a seperate account so wonder if im spending it wrongly according to you ladies

Im guessing ive hit a sore point among people on here for whatever reasons which is a bit ironic as my point of my thread was to vent over her attitude NOT money.

Thanks to ladies who got my point

Pink balloon -I'm pretty sure that schools are not allowed to specify a supplier any more.
Also, I've found that when they actually start, all the rules get relaxed. Eg, out local requested 3 different sports kits (summer, winter, indoor) and various footwear (tennis, football, rugby) also cotton apron for cookery and leather one for metalwork/woodwork/electronics (!) But in reality most parents bought 1 pe set/footwear and winged it. (Certainly no one I know ever bought the aprons!)
£700 is total bs.
OP at the top of the page is a list of Acronyms - you can look there for YABU, NRP, ROFL etc.

I am at all the posters who queried the maintenance. Very rude.

Can't say that I am surprised at the posters that can't get past £33.

I just got so annoyed last night by the sanctimonious bloody people who must be perfect and live in a world where everyone is on good wages! Unfortunately that is not the case and never has been for the majority of our population! My dh left his ex due to her being abusive and at the age of 23 only mumsnet thinks he should have stayed bloody celibate and done nothing! It's not as if resident parents stop living life and only live for their children! Good luck to you x

I'm pretty sure that schools are not allowed to specify a supplier any more.

The problem is though that they can insist on monogrammed or embroidered stuff and in our town only one shop sells it, so they have a monopoly.#

Can't say that I am surprised at the posters that can't get past £33.

Why? Personally I dont think the OP should have mentioned amounts as it has no relevance to the issue in hand. As I said before, the CSA have deemed it the correct amount so who are you to say it isnt?

ellenjames At the end of the day unless anyone knows situations inside out its easy to judge I do wish people would remember that we all have different lifestyles, jobs responsibilities though.. 33 may not seem much to some people but its an awful lot to us that was a weeks shop to me when I just had 2 children

Not sure if all schools are like this but when my dd first started we were encouraged to buy order from the school supplier or to order online and told no other place would do the schools logo as the local uniform shop doesnt stock our school, later on found out a city centre shop supplies them, the quality is not that great I do admit but prices are low enough to buy 2 items for a little bit more. Apparently schools arent allowed to favouritise independant shops, anyone else heard of that?

^^ maybe when I just had 1 child thinking about it.

Bogeyface - thanks. Only put amount as was asked further up the thread somewhere, wish hadnt botherd though

Hope your DSS doesn't pick up on your attitude about his DM.
Be careful of that.
Also, the 'few bits you got for our house' has got nothing to do with his DM?
What percentage of the £100 are things for exclusive use at your house?

Those who say £33 is not enough need to get a grip. That is what the cas say he can afford to pay, who are you to know better. Should he live in a box and eat bread to enable him to pay more? The csa calculate a percentage of his earnings so if £33 is not a lot, then it is a percentage of not a lot.

The government make sure that the mother has money to raise her child on, the csa money is not taken into account for those purposes. That is additional. So if they are a low income household they will get tax credits, housing benefit, child benefit etc to enable them to afford their children.

OP I think the ex has an absolute nerve. Your dp offered her help and gave her extra money. To then come back weeks later and say oh I have changed my mind is just a cheek. Your dp is already going above his legal requirements so she should be grateful. If your dp has been assessed to pay £33per week he is obviously not rolling in money and cant afford £80 quid at the drop of a hat. I know I couldn't.

Why should she be grateful?
It's his child!
And he never gave the ex money...he bought summer stuff, some if which I understand, is for exclusive use at his fathers house.