the ex is at it again!!

[crazylady321]

Hi I have posted on 2 seperate occasions before regarding my partners ex whom he has a 7 year old son with, she was making it very hard to see his son once he moved in with me all which ive spoken about so dont really want to go into all the details again as the access issue is sorted and have had 3 weeks of lovely visits off the little boy.

Anyhow our peace has been short lived, he dropped him off Sunday evening after an over night stay and then taken him out on Sunday she asked my OH if he could give her 80 to get school uniforme.. Now before you all say hes his father he should pay it. At the start of holidays OH asked her if she needed any extra money for uniforme (hes always helped out every year) she said no but if he could help her out with buying him some extra summer clothes and new trainers etc has he had had a growth spurt and was short of clothes, she made point of saying she had budgetted to get his uniforme 2 weeks before he goes back out of her child benefit and that the other clothes were a priority. He didnt hand her the money (due to in the past shes not bought what she said she was) but he took his son out and let him choose his own clothes and trainers and he got him some bits for at our house spent well over 100.

He has told her he doesnt have the money to give her as not pay day for another 2 weeks so shes got in a strop. Has phoned him yesterday ranting that hes putting his unborn baby before his son, I heard the conversation and he wasnt getting a word in he hung up on her in the end, to which she sent a txt saying hes caught nits from my kids!!! No lie!! My kids were with their dad during his stay this week so unless I have them in the house not quite sure how hes got nits from here I havent seen any of the kids itching or the boy either, so im thinking its just a petty come back.

I know I have no place to be annoyed but its saddening seeing how my OH is having to put up with it, he had been so much happier with having sorted the access out and now hes been in a bad mood again since yesterday. And to make matters worse his mum had bought him a coat not long ago in the sales that the ex was apparently putting away for school but a coat was one of the things she says she needs!

I realise this is another long ranting post and its a bit pathetic really but the thought of having to have dealings with this woman for the next 10 years or so is a really depressing thought, I know I dont have to have direct contact with her but everytime she does or says something its me who has to put up with OHs mood swings and to try and cheer him up

She should be bloody grateful, of course she should!

The same way I am grateful that ex #2 goes over and above in terms of paying towards school trips, uniforms etc because he doesnt have to. Whether you agree that that should be the case or not, legally that is how it is!

And I didnt see that he said the clothes were for exclusive use, but that he bought some household bits and pieces at the same time.

As was pointed out upthread, this is his contribution to his childs upbringing, the RP has to pay too! Seems that many women think that the maintenance should cover everything, no. He pays his half and you pay yours! The ex would still have to pay rent and bills etc if she didnt have a child, the maintenance is 50% towards the extra she has to pay for having a child, not all of it!

Well said bogey!

Bogeyface
"Why? Personally I dont think the OP should have mentioned amounts as it has no relevance to the issue in hand. As I said before, the CSA have deemed it the correct amount so who are you to say it isnt?"

I'm not the one that saying it isn't the right amount, I am saying that posters are not reading past £33, that being the reason that people post £33 isn't enough, he should pay more etc.

I doubt that some are reading that its £33 per week or that he pays for clothes or how often he has his children.

Exactly Bogey I am grateful to my ex when he agrees to go halves with me on stuff too because he could give me my £38 per week for two children and tell me that's it. If he did there would be nothing I could do because that is all he has to pay and all he has been assessed to afford to pay. I appreciate that he makes sacrifices, as do I to afford the extras that the kids need.

Non resident parents need to live, need to eat and be clothed too. Not like they are out living the high life and paying a pittance. If the csa say to pay a small amount it is because they are only earning a small amount!! Paying anything extra at all means making sacrifices and budgeting.

Boney My sincere apologies, I misunderstood the tone of your post.

Yes I suspect many (possibly those with more expensive lifestyles [not criticising, just saying!]) just saw £33 and thought "I couldnt maintain my child on that much so therefore it isnt enough!". And yes, probably didnt want to see how much he spends on top and how often he see the boy.

Right think I will call time on this thread from my point of view anyway, ive just about got it out of my system and I can see this is a sore point for many, thank you ladies who actually got the original point of the thread.

Last 2 points I want to make though personally coming from an adult who has had barely no contact from my father since the age of 12 only thing he bough me was a vodka and coke having bumped into him in a pub aged 19, we exchanged numbers but never heard from him despite txting him, even messaged him on fb a couple of years ago and never got any sort of response back, so yes I think any loving mum should be greatful that their childs father is in their life no matter how much csa they pay. I know for sure I am greatful for everything my childs father does. And im sure deep down the ex is greatful too.

Also yes he spent over 100 on clothes and trainers etc but majority was for at her house just got a few items here and at OHs mums house. They are not exclusively for acess visits but when OH was living with his MIL she would spend an awful lot on clothes shes bit of a label junkie and he would go home in clothes and never get them back and when ask about stuff say they cant find them so I can understand why things are now a bit more exclusive. Me and my ex have always shared stuff though so I can see how it seems a bit petty to some.

Anyway thanks again