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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

ex just hit me

109 replies

4littleducks · 25/08/2014 21:49

I don't really know what to do.

Ex is the father to my two eldest DDs (19 and 16) We got together when. I was 14 had DD1 at 15 and married at 16. Ex would do nothing with the DCs and became emotionally towards the end. I left him 15 years ago.He refused any contact and maintenance payments were all over the place. He got back in touch when my DDs were young teens I have remarried and I have two other DCs. The eldest two call my DH dad. The DDs arrange to meet ex through Facebook and they refer to him as father. They see him about 4 times a year.

So the DDs had been out with him today. They said they would be back by 6 at 6 DD1 text me to say they were held up and they were going for food. I said fine DH went to work and I put the other DCs to bed.

Ex and the DDs turned up at 8:30 and DD1 looked nervous and DD2 had been crying. Ex was watching us from the top of the garden path. I asked DD2 what was wrong and the DDs told me that ex had asked about DH and DD1 had said that "dad would be in work" ex had shouted at her saying he was their only dad and DD1 had looked upset so DD2 said it wasn't their fault that DH was the only dad they knew for years. Ex had shouted at her saying she was a stupid girl and just for that he wouldn't pay for her to go through college. (Even though he isn't) I told her not to worry as me and DH were paying for college.

Ex started to walk towards us shouting saying that it didn't happen like that and it was my fault for letting the DDs call another man dad. I sent the DDs inside and told him to calm down as he was scaring the DCs. He kept saying that he fucking wasn't. Then my neighbour came out and asked if we were okay. Ex told him to fuck off and neighbour said he would call the police if ex carried on.

Ex punched me in the face and my head hit the corner of the door. Neighbour shouted and ran over to help and ex pushed him away and ran. Neighbour brought me inside and said he would call the police if I wanted I said no,And he left but said he would keep an eye out and when I was ready to go to A&E with DH he would come and watch the DCs. I calmed the DDs enough so that they have fallen asleep.

Now I am just waiting for DH to come home he won't be back for another 20 minutes at best and I am suddenly really worried about being alone and my head hurts and my DDs are scared and it feels like such a mess and I am hoping that typing all this will help calm me down.

OP posts:

BlackeyedSusan · 25/08/2014 23:21

oh love, it is a real shock to be punched in the head. you probably won't think straight for a couple of days. Be kind to yourself. Hope you have gone to A and E. police can take photos of any bruising, or some other services can. womens aid, some housing associations, victims support all do so in some areas.

as people have said calling the police is the thing to do. your children need to know this is never acceptable and that there are consequences. thank goodness you havea lovely neighbour to help out.

Mini05 · 25/08/2014 23:40

B...d I sure your DD would want you to call the police, he can't get away punching you.

And I bet if DD knew what he'd done they would not want to see him again, and I really don't think after tonight going on you would want them too

Hope your ok

BoffinMum · 25/08/2014 23:45

Definitely police, then restraining order.

ChangelingToday · 25/08/2014 23:47

Hope you're ok :( what a shock for you all.

Zucker · 25/08/2014 23:48

What a pathetic excuse for a man. Call the police and let them kick his sorry arse for him.

todayisnottheday · 25/08/2014 23:53

Hope you're ok and you've got yourself medical attention. It sounds like you're shocked and possibly concussed. I'd make that first priority but you definitely need to go to the police about it. Hope dds are ok in the morning too.

Hissy · 26/08/2014 00:05

Oh love :( i'm so sorry this happened to you! :(

You do have to get this logged with the police, and yes logged with A&E.

Please keep talking to us and let us know how you get on, how you're feeling etc? We're all thinking of you.

yoyo27 · 26/08/2014 00:09

I really hope you're okay. Pleased you had a witness, and one ready to stand up to him!! What did your husband say? Fuming I would imagine.

I really hope you have phoned the police. Like others have said, what if he hit one of your daughters? And he has no right to be upset if he hasn't been in their lives x

HumblePieMonster · 26/08/2014 00:22

Good grief. This is a serious assault from a virtual stranger. Police, and see the thug in court.

wafflyversatile · 26/08/2014 00:28

YY to police. He could quite easily hit one of your eldest another time and you would want them to call the police, so lead by example.

Fanjango · 26/08/2014 00:30

Hopefully the fact that op has not replied means that DP has returned and she's in the process of getting the police and help she needs. Op if you still haven't contacted the police please do. Once someone turns violent there is rarely a good outcome without intervention. You and your dc's deserve better than that. All the best to you and yours.

DancingDinosaur · 26/08/2014 00:36

You have to call the police. Apart from the fact he fucking punched you in the face, what sort of message does it give your dc if you let him get away with it???
Hope you're ok.

zipzap · 26/08/2014 01:26

I would have thought that maybe they would like to see the police come out if you've been assaulted by their dad/your ex. For several reasons but not least to show that there is a good reason he is your ex, to show that what he did was not right and should not be allowed to go unpunished and that should he (or indeed anyone) ever turn on them in the future they don't think that they have to be brave or ignore it but they can call the police and let them deal with it.

Plus for the right here, right now bit they may well feel much safer knowing the police have been and are keeping a watchful eye on the address and the situation.

zipzap · 26/08/2014 01:26

Plus for the right here, right now bit they may well feel much safer knowing the police have been and are keeping a watchful eye on the address and the situation.

Inertia · 26/08/2014 01:44

You poor love.

Hope that you've now called the police and managed to get medical treatment.

Your children need to know that you've called the police and will do all you can to ensure this man is prosecuted, because they are probably now living in fear of him doing the same to them and possibly even coming back tonight.

43percentburnt · 26/08/2014 05:30

Hope you are okay op. Calling the police shows your dds that it is unacceptable to be treated this way. I do suggest you press charges, especially with a witness and let him go to court. He's a vile man. Press charges, file a csa claim. Talk to your girls the poster above is right they may be scared of him returning.

Castlemilk · 26/08/2014 08:44

I really hope you called the police. And I hope your lovely DDs know that and can make a more informed decision about keeping in their lives a violent, worthless piece of shit who actually, is no father to them in any sense at all.

Do you still have doubts? Here's a scenario for you. Imagine when your DDs have children of their own. Fancy seeing your grandchildren grow up with this scumbag in their lives? Don't make the mistake of giving your DDs the message that just because this guy was their sperm donor, they owe him something, in the belief that you're protecting them in some way. They owe him less than a shit sandwich. He's done nothing for them, now he wants mice easy dad time and full acknowledgement as their father? Do them a HUGE favour and spell it out to these perfectly capable young adults that this guy is basically bad news. You need no further proof than what he did today. Protect them properly, got to the police and follow it all the way. I truly hope this would be the end of contact between your DDs and this dangerous nasty fucker.

diggerdigsdogs · 26/08/2014 09:18

I really hope you called the police OP. You poor love, what a shock.

Original poster

4littleducks · 26/08/2014 11:27

Thank you all for your advice last night.
So I called the police but I don't think I was making much sense so I went next door and neighbour spoke to them for me. DH arrived soon afterwards and we went to a&e. Neighbour stayed with the DCs and a policeman and then some came to a&e and questioned us after I was seen to by the doctors.

The police have ex and we have to go talk to them again today.DDs are still pretty shaken up and they keep looking every time a car passes. DH has been great he is a little bit upset that he wasn't here but he is being really supportive and he has taken the day off work so that he is here with us.

OP posts:

SuffolkNWhat · 26/08/2014 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hellsbellsmelons · 26/08/2014 11:38

That sounds awful for you.
So glad you contacted the police.
You are showing your DDs that this is NOT acceptable.
I hope you are OK.
for you.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 26/08/2014 11:48

So pleased you contacted the police. That's exactly the right thing to do because this man sounds dangerous, unstable and he needs to know that the law is on your side and his behaviour is intolerable. I hope your DDs give him a wide berth now as well.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 26/08/2014 11:54

Are you OK physically?

I'm very glad you have such good neighbours.

You have done the right thing - you have shown your girls that no-one has to put up with that and you have shown him that it's totally unacceptable . I hope he gets the book thrown at him, as hard as they are able. Bastard.

If the girls don't want to see him, he only has himself to blame. However, I wouldn't put any pressure on them to drop contact, I'd leave it totally up to them.

It will be hard for them, knowing their father did that to you and that they are half his genetic make-up, a lot of children really struggle with that and need a lot of reassurance.

It's understandable that your DH is feeling crap about not being there when it happened, but he can't and shouldn't have to be there 24/7 for you to be safe in your own home! You need to remind him of that.

I know you will be reassuring the girls it wasn't their fault in any way - not for telling you what had happened when he was there, not for calling their Dad, Dad (and he IS, the other man may be their father, but your DH is their DAD) but don't forget to tell them that it's not their fault for saying the 'man of the house' wouldn't be home. Kids feel guilty for all the little bits and pieces they feel might have 'caused it'. They need to know that it was 100% their father's fault. Poor kids x

I don't know what they're calling it now, but presumably the police will put an order on him so he can't come to your house - it's the least that needs to happen to give the girls, and you of course, a bit of peace of mind.

diggerdigsdogs · 26/08/2014 12:24

Well done. It really is wonderful that your contacted the police and are showing your dd's that violence is simply not acceptable.

Do be kind to yourself. I imagine it's totally normal to feel very shocky and upset over the next few days. Your girls too.

Original poster

4littleducks · 26/08/2014 12:30

The DDs are upset particularly DD1 who thinks she should have stepped up rather than letting DD2 speak up for her. But I keep trying to reassure them that it's not their fault.
Physically my nose was broken and the back of my head was cut open but a&e were great and they sorted me out and stitched my head up. It was mostly the shock that took sometime to get sorted because they weren't sure whether some of it was concussion related.

OP posts:

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